Sunday, October 23, 2005


Fanball reported that fans attending the Steelers-Bengals game today at Cincinnati’s Paul Brown Stadium will be subject to a security search, prompting Chad Johnson to say he’ll perform a pat-down touchdown celebration. That’s kinda old. I get patted down every time I go to FedEx Field, because there are always some frustrated fans trying to go after Dan Snyder.

Chad’s just a baby. This is what he does when he's at home:

Cleveland WR Braylon Edwards is listed as questionable for today's Browns-Lions tilt, as he recovers from a staph infection in his right arm. Lest anyone forget, earlier this year, Kellen Winslow, recovering from multiple injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident, was set back in his rehabilitation by a staph infection in his right knee. He lost 30 pounds in the process.

If anyone is clueless as to what a staph infection does, it's the kind of thing that eats up your flesh and innards. You can lose an entire leg in the same time it takes speedy Santana Moss to outrun Roy Williams for a touchdown. It's one mean beast. The chances of this happening to two Cleveland players in the same year are downright scary.

Memo to CDC: Check the water in the Cuyahoga River. There's a huge flesh-eating monster somewhere in the river's depths, ready to slay its next Browns victim. I suggest using Lee Suggs as bait to lure the monster out of the river....

A couple of inside sources tell me the monster looks like this:


I have a funny feeling Mike Tice will resign before the season's over, in the wake of Lake Gimmeboinka(TM by Wikkid). This seems as good a time as any to predict the order in which the NFL coaches will resign or be fired before the end of the NFL season:

1. Mike "Tickets Available, Upper Deck, Section C" Tice, Minnesota
2. Dom "President of Tony Boselli Fan Club" Capers, Houston
3. Mike "Excuse Me, I'm Sleeping" Sherman, Green Bay
4. Brian "Offensive Genius with Midas Touch" Billick, Baltimore
5. Bill "We Won the Division, and I'm Quitting" Parcells, Dallas

That's all, folks! Enjoy Sunday's games.

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