Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Mid-Season Creekies

With college football at its halfway point, I've decided to pass out some mid-season awards. Not some of the awards you're more familiar with, but awards that I have been passing out for years now. I call them "Creekies," and everyone wants them. So without further ado, I give you THE MID-SEASON CREEKIES:

The Demetrius Underwood "Most likely to get fat and die" award:
Given to the player who will get drafted too high, and be out of football before you have time to trade his rookie card for a Rae Carruth "piece of murder weapon" card. This year, it's going to be Dusty Dvoracek, the crazy-ass defensive tackle from Oklahoma. To me, this feels like the second coming of the Chris Hovan era APHC (After Pizza Hut Commercial). This is never a good sign. And do you really think you can trust a guy who looks like a Hun? Seriously, [Dennis Miller joke] Shouldn't this guy be out invading Gaul? Can we start calling him "Atilla the Sooner?"[/Dennis Miller joke]

The Chan Gailey "Coach in over his head" award:
Urban Meyer. I present to you:

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

And most importantly, exhibit C .

The gators are 5-2, the coach is running his system with Ron Zook's players... You think Gators fans would be able to wait a year or two at least, but of course not. The Gators will be a great team in a couple years, but all this bitching and moaning is beyond annoying. We get it, you miss Spurrier. I miss my 7th grade english teacher, but I don't go putting up websites trying to fire my new one every year. Urban's spread option will work, just not with Chris Leak. Just do us all a favor, and shut up and wait for the Josh Portis era.

(For the record, my 7th grade english teacher was HAWT! Think Van Halen "Hot For Teacher" video girl hawt.)

The Brad/Tavian Banks "WTF happened to that guy from Iowa" award:
Given to the player from Iowa who will never be heard from again after College. This years front runner is Drew Tate, who may have already disappeared anyway. Seriously, Iowa is still 5-2(3-1) and it feels like the Walker Texas Ranger made-for-TV movie is getting more publicity. They role into the Big House this week, and I'm down right worried. These are the types of games Michigan loses.

The Charles Woodson "By far the best player in the country" award:
Last week, waiting for the USC vs Notre Dame game to come on, I look at my buddies Big Jon, and the Wes-man and say in an almost question-like manner,"Reggie Bush, best player in the country."Just to make sure my buddies are on the same page. To my horror, Big Jon comes back with a defiant "Vince Young." I let it slide, knowing that the second Reggie Bush does something super-human, I can shove it right back in his face. Well, after Reggie's 36 yard touchdown, I turn to my Jon and say in a mocking tone, "Vince Young, best player in the country."

I think I proved my point.

As for some other Creekies that were announced before the actual award show:

Best guy on the best O-line- Greg Eslinger, Minnesota
Best D-lineman- Elvis Dumervil, Louisville
Best player in the secondary- Laron Landry, LSU
Worst name for an award- Best player in the secondary
Best tight end who doesn't remind me of L.J Smith- Vernon Davis, Maryland
The Vinny Sutherland award- Mike Hass, Oregon State
Best O-lineman- D'Brickshaw Ferguson, Virginia
Best linebacker who needs a haircut- A.J Hawk, Ohio State
Best QB- Matt Leinart, USC
The "you could make a case for" award- Vince Young, Texas

Seeing as I will be headed up to Philly for the weekend, I will make my picks now.

Last Week: 9-9
Season: 49-57-3

Ohio St. -15.5 Indiana
Northwestern +11.5 Michigan St.
Virginia +1 North Carolina
Georgia -19 Arkansas
Georgia Tech +15.5 Miami
Notre Dame -19.5 BYU
TCU (no line) Air Force
Wisconsin -8 Purdue
FSU -30 Duke
Fresno St. -28.5 Idaho
Oregon -9.5 Arizona
West Virginia -2 South Florida
Oregon St. +9.5 UCLA
Penn St. -17 Illinois
LSU -6.5 Auburn
Washington St. +12 California
Iowa -3 Michigan (haven't been wrong about a game Michigan will lose yet... except that Notre Dame game... I didn't see that one coming.)

Upset Special (3-4):
Tennessee +3.5 Alabama

UN-lock of the week (2-5):
Texas -16 Texas Tech

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

[quote](For the record, my 7th grade english teacher was HAWT! Think Van Halen "Hot For Teacher" video girl hawt.)[/quote]

You must have grown up before the era of "Bang your seventh grade students."

Too bad.