Saturday, October 22, 2005

Exorcising My Wizards

Creek is away, so I've been asked to step in with something of my own. Today's topic - fantasy basketball!

Our beloved GBin says "Creek Made Me Do This". Our tribute to Jalen Rose and the casting out of this particular demon got started this past Thursday. Several of Lockerroom's best are involved in the league, and the draft is worth recounting, if for no reason other than most of us know next to nothing about hoops from a fantasy perspective. I registered my team as "Roundball, Inc." for lack of a better name.

I tried to pre-rank for the draft based on all the "expert" sources I could find, but it seems that there ain't the love for the NBA that there is for the NFL. Talk of minutes played and coming off the bench made my head spin. Sixth man? I thought there were only five! My draft position was not the best (11 of 12), but I do know a thing or two about my local pro franchise, those resurrected Washington Wizards and their coach, Eddie Jordan.

Some guy in the league thinks he's "The Answer", but I don't even know what the question is. Maybe if I went to the Brooklyn Academy, I'd learn something about how not to be one of Suckbury's Ballhogs, but I don't even know where to go. It's sad when everyone steps on your Toes during the draft, especially when he has to rely on autodraft.

The best known of the Wizards, Gilbert Arenas, was still there at the end of the first round, so I grabbed him. Wow! I felt great. The turn was on me in a flash, though, and I wasn't ready. The only name I recognized was Paul Pierce, so I took him. Then I realized I was filtering on guards - damn you, Yahoo!

My preferred center, Yao Ming, was gone before my slot returned, but another familiar name appeared - Antawn Jamison. I thought, what the hell, and I took him. An idea started to percolate - Les Boulez? Did I dare? Would they surprise everyone again this year, and should I ride their coattails to fantasy glory?

When Shaq went next, I realized that a center would be a good idea. I thought about Brendan Haywood but felt it was too early, and I didn't want to give away my hand. Ben Wallace was there, but I've had a thing about the Pistons since they took the best my Wizards had to offer (Rip Hamilton) and left us with that cancer Jerry Stackhouse. Kwame Brown? Ha! I took the kid from Connecticut, Okafor.

With Maximum Characters++ grabbing two picks between me, I started to tighten up like the old Blue Ballers. Kenyon Martin seemed like a decent pick (my fifth), but when ex-Zard Chris Webber went next, I knew the die was cast. The newest Beltway Bandit was mine in the sixth round - Caron Butler. From somewhere in the night, I heard a cry of anguish, and I knew the rest could be mine.

After more than hour of listening to DVD spin on every pick and the Rusty Trombone miss every note, I queued up all the Wizards I could find. As the commish, World B. Free, took the hated Crackhouse in the 12th round, I chuckled silently. Though I missed out on my beloved sleeper Haywood, my bench would end with two more of Washington's finest - Jared Jeffries and Etan Thomas.

After the draft, I knew "Roundball, Inc." just wouldn't do. I considered "Les Boulez", but the curse would not be resurrected. I chose ... Wizzurdz. In the words of the immor[t]al Wikkid - NUFCED.

No comments: