Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Archers Bull's Eye Week #8

If I'd written all the truth I knew for the past ten years, about 600 people - including me - would be rotting in prison cells from Rio to Seattle today. Absolute truth is a very rare and dangerous commodity in the context of professional journalism.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

- Hunter S Thompson

Can't go sailing off into the sunset without paying homage to my journalistic hero... and I use both terms loosely because the Dr of Gonzo wouldn't want it any other way.

I hate to see Locker Room flounder because I think the concept is a good one... but some times it's good to step back and re-examine priorities and limitations. Somewhere in the future I hope to find the time and resources, and other interested parties, and resurrect the spirit of LR in a new format. But like Wikkid, right now I have too much on my plate. I guess this is where some people would get sentimental and wax poetic about the good times.... blah.

Here's the week in review.....

Mother Teresa knocked out!...

The quote of the week was by Coach Billick when he said that beating New Orleans, the loveable underdog cinderella of '06, was like beating up Mother Teresa. An ugly job, but somebody had to do it.

That wasn't such a hard task after all, with the heralded savoir of Nawlins fumbling the ball on his first carry. It only got worse from there as he also added an intercepted pass to his resume of horrors. The icing on the cake was re-injuring his ankle in the second half, but fortunately it doesn't look like he'll miss any time.

Maybe he can spend some time with Brees this week and compare notes how to avoid throwing picks.... but I guess that's the blind leading the blind.

The irony after all the Bush-hype, which is still out there as optimism is very contagious in the world of fantasy football fanatics, that the real rookie impact player the Saints drafted this year was a guy out of a little college called Hofstra. Marques Colston is just the type of receiver that Brees loves to throw the ball to... and his numbers show it.

Now that the Ravens offense has been Un-"Fassel"-ized, maybe the lumbering dinosaur of an offense we've come to relate to the Ravens has finally been laid to rest in the muck of the LaBrea Tar Pits where it belongs. The Saints do have a decent defense... and McNair picked them apart pretty good. Hope this new thing called "offensive touchdowns" is going to stick around a while.

Heap mowing the lawn with the new Briggs & Stratton Bullock model

Time of Possession...

The Seahawks only had the ball a little over 17 minutes, but still managed to score 4 touchdowns which was only one shy of the Chiefs. The key to the lopsided time of possession was LJ 1-2-3 all the way down the field to 1-2-3... count 'em... touchdowns. Of course the two interceptions by Seneca Wallace didn't help the Seahawks situation. But he did manage to throw 3 touchdown passes and the bone-headed pass attempt/fumble during a botched field goal attempt by the Chiefs holder, Colquitt which turned into six for the Seahawks D/ST also helped make the score look closer than what it should have been.

The Raiders have an opportunity to knock out both of last years Super Bowl teams next week when they play the Seahawks, who will be without Alexander for sure for one more week. Who'da thunk it!!

The Lambeau Hop

Risking a life-threatening infection from a broken hip.... Favre finally attempted the touchdown tradition in Green Bay and looked like..... an old man who can't jump. It's great to see Brett playing the game he loves like a kid, but he is the embodiment of the saying "the mind is willing, but the body isn't."

Okay, Bryant you go run a fade 42 Double Jack route and I'll throw it to Woodson.

Meanwhile Denny Green was visibly upset when his rookie quarterback got a delay of game penalty... and the conversation must have been something like....

"I know you're going to be here in this league for a while and I'm going to lose my job after this year.... but why must you make my life so miserable?"


.... and the Packers are who we thought they were.... crown'em!!

"Ocho Cinco El Stinko" says Ron Mexico

... and DeAngelo Hall enforced it. The cheap shots that the Falcons took at CJ got them a penalty... but it accomplished the intimidation they were looking for. Palmer and CJ had a decent day, but there were some missed opportunities that could have made this outcome different. There just isn't any rhythm in the Bengals offense this year, and a key problem that needs addressing is the lack of a consistent running game. Palmer has been rushed and under pressure every week it seems like.

The surprise of the game besides a CJ touchdown... was Vick's accuracy and 3 touchdown passes. The past two weeks Mr Mexico has answered his critics with some impressive passing to go along with his running ability. With the struggles in Philly and Seattle... the Falcons are making a move to be in the upper echelon of the NFC along with the Giants and Bears. Crumpler could end up being the TE of the year as long as Vick continues throwing the ball as much as he has been.

They Did The Mash... The Monsters of Midway Mash...

Can we just go ahead and create a new league for the Bears already.... or maybe demote the 49ers to NFL Europe. After scoring 41 points in the first half alone, the Bears just coasted the rest of the way throwing in as many scrubs as they could. Even then... the 49ers didn't get on the scoreboard until the start of the 4th quarter.

And I can't finish this summary with a halloween reference without mentioning Frank Gore-y, who slashed his way through the MoM Defense for 111 yards, the most any running back has been able to do all year, but as I said before... the scrubs had something to do with that. Hicks inherited Gore's fumblitis... so the running game isn't all positive in SF, but I had to give them something.... Mother Nolan's cupboard has been short of bones this year again.

I've Fallen and I Can't Get Back Up...

What is going on with McNabb and the Eagles? The last two games were close and lost in the last few seconds of the game. This week the Jags D just flustered Donovan all day. The return of Stallworth didn't even spark things for McNabb. Now Reid and Co have two weeks to figure it out and re-light that fire they had going out of the gate.

Garrard got the start for the Jags signal caller, which really didn't add anything new other than the complete disappearance of any passing game, which was spotty already. But the combination of Fragile Fred and the adapted lovechild of the lesbian couple Star Jones and Nancy Drew... took the mystery right out of this victory. They both combined for 180 yards and a touchdown on 36 carries.

Just Add Spice...

After the Texans got down 21-3 to the Titans thanks in large part to David Carr's two fumbles and one interception.


Enter the Immortal Sage... to perk up the recipe. Without the Pacman punt return for a touchdown early in the 4th.... Sage could have added a "save" to his pitching stats. The 6 year clipboard vet looked better than Carr had... but I still don't see this being a permanent change. Just a prudent coaches move to stop the bleeding for one week, and maybe have a shot at winning. Now if Cowher could just learn how to do that....

Vince Young's homecoming to the Lone Star state was sure to add a little extra mustard on this sandwich... and he didn't disappoint. He drew first blood by scoring the first touchdown of the day on a 20 yard scamper ala Vick. But the 87 yards passing suggests that he is definitely following in Vick's footsteps, which will be fantasy indigestion for a few years for those brave enough to go there.

.... I'm getting hungry all of a sudden.

The Barber of Seville

In the battle of the Barber Twins, Tiki emerges on top once again. Ronde has got to be tired of always losing that bet every year and having to buy momma's new car out of his paycheck. The flak between Tiki and the ESPN guys was more of a distraction this week than anything else... including Tiki's retirement announcement which set the fireworks off in the first place. If anything, I think he's inspired his team to play better and give him the ring he deserves.

The Bruce... aka The Graduate (who hasn't earned his sheepskin quite yet)... is struggling. When Caddy and Pittman are his top two receivers... it's plain to see that he's not getting a good look downfield yet or comfortable enough to go there with any frequency. As a result, defenses can stack the box and stuff the run and apply pressure on passing plays at will. He'll work through that tendency eventually... but in the meantime Caddy owners like me will have to grin and bear it.

Is It In You....

Or if you ask Marc Bulger.... is it on you? The Super-Charged Charger Merriman was all over him Sunday, collecting 3 sacks on the day. In related news, with all the testosterone in his face.... Bulger grew a ZZTop length beard during the course of the game. And while Bulger was eating carpet.... Torry Holt was wondering if he became invisible.

LT got off to a fast start with two touchdowns in the 1st quarter and cruised his way to 183 yards on the ground. For dessert he added a 25 yard catch for six late in the game to help seal the win. Baby LT (SJax) had to get his endzone celebration, too... but still didn't get anywhere near daddy's numbers.

Your day will come young grasshopper.

If I throw the ball to you... will you leave my head alone?

Do you think maybe Big Ben should just sit one out and let himself heal, rather than playing like he has been? Batch seems to have a little spark that the Steelers offense has been sorely lacjking otherwise... when he gets an opportunity. The Carr interception was a mistake you'd expect from a rookie who never took a snap in the NFL.... not a Super Bowl champion QB.

How did the Raiders find a way to be 2-5 when they were as hapless as the Cardinals a few weeks ago? Without the 14 points from the defense... they would still be singing the Art Shell Blues. Porter finally got out of Al Davis' dungeon and got on the field.... but nobody noticed, especially Andy Walter.

Immovable Object Meets Irresistable Force...

...and the immovable object moved.

Holy Caped Crusader! Who was that three-time end zone visitor that scored three time as many TD's as any visitor to Investco Stadium all year?

oh.... Mr. Wayne

As methodical as an Ausberger Autistic figuring out an differential calculus equation... Manning pulled another one out of his ass. Thank you Mr Reliable (Adam Vinatieri). If Denver hadn't given him as much time as they did.... oh well.... for once the Broncos success at running the ball, which slashed through the Colts D like a machete... actually was a detriment to their hopes of a victory. If they were getting only 3 or 4 yards a carry, that would have eaten the clock up and never given Manning a chance.

If you looked closely at Plummer Sunday he was wearing the same get-up that Peyton wears in his new commercial.... and Plummer did his best to imitate Manning on the field, too. There's something to that 'rising to the level of competition' thing. Mike Bell avoided any chances of getting turf toe by diving into the end zone up-ended.... so if anything he was going to get turf head.

Patty Cake Patty Cake, Baker's the man, If He Can't Score....

The Jets lose.

Seems like Mangini brings a Boeing 747 one week.... and a crank-prop puddle-jumper the next. Hard to tell which team will show up from week to week. I expected the Browns offense to come out of the duldrums with their new OC, which made it look like a shoot out on paper... but Penny and Co just kept firing blanks all day. The call made for the Baker catch in the end zone was a bad call... he was clearly forced out and would have come down in-bounds, which would have sent the game into overtime.... still no guarantee of victory, but better than being ripped-off. Other than that the Jets had very little offense and wouldn't even have been in a position to tie the game at the end without help from special teams, as Justin "time for..." Miller ran the length of the field on the ensuing kick-off after the Browns just went up 20-3 late in the 3rd quarter.

Welcome back Reuben... hope this new offense gives you more days like this instead of the last few weeks of nothin'. Now if we can just find a rope long enough to pull Braydon out of the abyss then you guys might be a divisional contender... the Steelers and Bengals apparently don't want it.

There's a New Sherriff In Town...

...and if Sunday night is any indication, he'll make Parcells look like the genius he always has been, but we were seriously wondering about his age becoming a factor. Speaking of age.... what a difference a mobile QB makes to help loosen up opposing defenses. The statue wasn't able to scramble like that... and make things happen. Witten finally got a score and the toss from Romo was perfectly placed to avoid the possibility of an interception.... which was a big concern after last week.

It didn't look good for the 'Boys in the early going, with Gamble's interception and Smith's end around to put the Panthers up 14-0... it looked like Cowboy football status quo. But the momentum shifted and when JJ got in the end zone half way through the 4th, the Cowboys had the lead for good. TO didn't get any touchdowns to stroke his ego.... but he did get the 2 point conversion to make it a 21-14 margin. He also eclipsed the century mark and definitely has chemistry with Romo. But TO does make one concession.... and let's Romo get all the sloppy forehead kisses from Parcells.

The Kitchen Sink....

Would have gotten a touchdown from Brady Monday night if it wore a Patriots uniform. It appears that Brady and his new receiving corps are gelling just in time to go slay the perfect Colts who come to visit next week. Four different WR's scored touchdowns... so it looks like Brady will continue to make everyone he can happy.... except fantasy owners of Patriot receivers. What Shanahan does for fantasy owners of Denver running backs.... Belichick & Brady do for Patriot WR's. Anyone who can make Reche Caldwell look good.... is on to something. Why the Vikings were in single safety coverage is a mystery, but apparently they thought the running game of the Patriots was the more serious threat.


The lone bright spot for the Vikings was MeMo... as in the Patriot punt return unit didn't get the MeMo to watch out for this guy. The offense did absolutely nothing and Brad Johnson didn't help by throwing three interceptions. So Bollinger got a chance to add a little spark.... and threw a pick of his own.

Maroney had a decent homecoming... especially returning kicks. And had a good return of his own following Moore's touchdown, which put the Kiabosch on any momentum swings going toward the Vikes.

..... Happy Halloween

.... the sad thing is.... that ain't a costume!

Sagitta Veritas

Monday, October 30, 2006


Because of poor health and the pressure that puts on my other commitments, I am stepping down as the editor of and weekly columnist for LOCKERROOM. It has been a pleasure from the beginning, the greatest being the friendships that have been cemented by its inception and production, followed closely by the chance to have put out some of the most original content in our corner of the online world. I thank the staff and our readers - it's been a great ride. I look forward to contributing occasionally as my schedule allows, if the next editor finds that acceptable. I urge you all to continue to support the effort of LOCKERROOM to provide their exceptional exceptions to the rule. And so it goes....

Hasta Luego LockerRoom et al

If you'd like to borrow my personal nurse/ massage therapist/ house maid/ sex slave during your convolescence then let me know. I'm sure something can be arranged.

There will be one last Bulls Eye this week because I have too many good titles and observations to share. After this week though, I have to pull back and focus my efforts on the xls spreadsheet that will become By The Numbers ....and find a place where I can post it ... most likely as a webpage, because the spreadsheet file share sites are very limited in what they offer.

I'll email you guys a copy in advance and get your opinions on what to do. If nothing else I guess I'll have the best personal stat analyzer around because I haven't seen anyone else like it.


Friday, October 27, 2006

Degenerate Gamblers V 2.0 week 8

Welcome to the HELL that is my gambling Jones. A very weak showing by me, in a very tough week. I picked all the NFL games, and went5-7-1 there, nad 0-1 in my lone NCAA selection of the year. While managing to lose $380.00
This brings my season totals to a dismal 11-19-4 against the number, for a grand total of $1520.00 to the bad side of good.

It was around this time last year, when I went on a furious run, picking over 90% against the spread, that enabled me to climb out of a $1300.00 deficit, to end up $1900.00 to the good. Look for this trend to continue again.............

Christmas is coming, and the family will want more than balled up losing bet slips, soaked in my bile. So, its off to the races I go.

This weeks selections

The shell shocked Cardinals, make a long trip to the frozen tundra)no caps, cause they dont scare anyone anymore). Green Bay is spotting 4 to the desert denizens. When you factor in the automatic 3 points the home team gains, this means that, If played in a neutral site, Green Bay would be favored by a single, solitary, measley didget. My money says that GB is better than AZ, by much much more, at this time. This game has the potential to be a combined 8 interception game. Green Bay spotting 4 will be a $440.00 play

Peyton Manning gets to bring his breathless passing attack new heights, as he flips the rock against the best Defence, in an oxygen deprived environment. NO ONE should ever be spotting Indy points. I know Indy has been suspect this year, but I expect Addai to catch 10 screen passes Sunday, as Indy plays the ball controll game. Champ Bailey may control 1/2 of the field with his skills, but the other half will have a reciever of the caliber of Marv, or Reggie. Peyton makes his statement for him winning the TOUGH game this week. INDY +2.5 will be a $330.00 wager

The Monday Night game pitts 2 good defensive clubs. That being said, I feel the game goes OVER the 38 points Vegas set.
Over 38 for $220.00.

I also like The Pats to win this game. The Vikes are 2 point home dogs, and I usually am all over home dogs, BUT... Brady is 9-0 in domes in his career, and 19-1 on turf in his career, BRILLIANT!! The Pats passing game has also show increased production, as the unit is starting to gel. Gabriel is bradys go to guy, and Troy Brown is such a good sit down route guy, and has been with Brady forever, the 2 think alike. dont forget the 2 headed monster that is Dillon/Maroney... Boney Maroney is making a mini homecoming this weekend, I look for him to POUND the ball, setting up play action..

Pats -2 for $330.00

Til next time, ya pederests

Window Lickers week 8 edition

An outright ugly week from the Window Lickers crew. The top win total for the week was a palseyed 7-6 record. Straight up!! I will now resort to coin flips, Heads for home teamm & tails for the visitors. I cant do any worse than my 5-8 showing last week, can I.

Season Totals
PROF 68-32
WIKKID 64-36
AHEM 64-36
ARCHIE 61-39
GBIN 59-41
JIMED 59-41

This weeks overthinking.




JIMED (pure coin flips)

other than the oak & sf picks, not too badly done w a quarter



Monday, October 23, 2006

Archer's Bulls Eye Week #7

PLaza De Toros is the only place on Earth where "The Bull" is respected and venerated more than right here at Locker Room.

Week #7
Still feeling some of the aftershocks and weirdness leftover from Week #6, but before I get to this week's fun from the NFL there's a few other things I have to mention. First of all, our fearless leader has had a wake up call this weekend, which put him on the sidelines. So Wikkid, stay away from that Indian Fry Bread and Greasy Juarez Loco chicas for a little while and get back to full strength as soon as possible. We all want to have you around for many more years to ridicule so we can feel better about ourselves.

Secondly, if there are any Wisconsin grocery store clerks out there reading this blog and trying to drum up a little internet niche for yourself with some hairbrained bright ideas....

Save yourself some headache and effort. Dont!

Ever since the news broke on this story I could not help myself but wonder if anyone has seen or heard from Verbie, because this sounds like something right up his alley.

Lastly, regarding the World Series "dirty palm" incident. Seriously people, are we all so gullible as to believe that Rogers just had a clump of dirt on his hand?! Maybe I'm just too cynical in my old age, but that didn't look like "just" dirt to me. We live in an age where professional athlete's are under more and more pressure to perform and more importantly... willing to do ANYTHING to get the edge over the other guy, without having to work hard to get there. It's not just the sports world that is suffering from this, it seems to be a cultural epidemic and there seems to be an equal amount of apathy that is just as disturbing in dealing with this problem.

I'll put away my "Archer Idealism" soap box now, because all I can do is bitch about what I see... and not offer any solution other than keep working on my own personal accountability and integrity. (shhh... don't tell anyone).

Here's a look at this weeks festivities:

King Philip's War...
Only this time the Chiefs won... and Philip was on the other side. Rivers dug himself a hole early with a few miscues, but I like what I saw about his "fight" and that is a good sign for his future as a starting QB in the NFL and maturing process. He could have called it quits after getting down 20-3, but he fought back. It's just too bad he isn't Rex Grossman or else he could have thrown a few more interceptions and still won the game.

With all the off-field antics, it has been just short of miraculous that the Chargers D has been performing as well as they have so far this season. But now that Merriman has added to the off-field crap and got himself suspended for 4 games, it looks like the Chargers D may have seen the last of its dominating days for a while.

Week 8 has been the week for kickers... and Lawrence Tynes was the LT that shined and secured the win for his team. Most of us were expecting the other LT to play that role. But the LT we all know and love had his shining moment Sunday, too..... of couse.


Triple Lundy...
He CAN run... He CAN catch.... He.... DOESN'T SUCK!

Just when it looked like the Texans would have to rely on the arm of David Carr, they finally discover a running game against a defense that is historically a very stingy unit when it comes to stiffling opposing offenses. Sadie Hawkins Day came early this week as the Texans D was the one who kept the Jags offense in check all afternoon and set up their offense with scoring opportunities like the one after forcing Fragile Freddy to cough it up, which he hasn't done for a few years. Of course he only gets the ball 5 or 6 times a game, it's hard to fumble the ball when you don't have it.

The big news out of Houston this week is the 50% increase in food and beer sales along the Astrodome's food concourse... as fans finally had a reason NOT to leave at halftime just to avoid the traffic and watching another disappointing loss.

Here Kitty Kitty Kitty....
In the battle of cats this year, the Bengals are King of the jungle. The Panthers had their shot at winning this one, but in an instance of extreme color blindness Delhomme threw the ball to KJ waiting in the back of the end zone and didn't even see that other guy in the BRIGHT orange uniform right next to him. If Jake had his helmet mic on this is what he was saying when he realized his mistake and slapped his helmet with this hands.

"Oh Fuck!!"


... that wasn't an exact quote... but I bet it was close.

Just blame it on the wind... of fortune... the one that has been helping the Panthers pull out 3 point victories for the last 4 weeks.

In a game that featured two premeire wide receivers in Smith & Johnson (sounds like a new gun manufacturer), both were kept out of the end zone all day. Who got in the end zone? Both fantasy stalworth TE's: R Kelly ( no longer making kiddie porn?) and K Mangum. Be sure to add those guys to your fantasy rosters next week! They will never see the end zone again the rest of the year most likely.

Los(er)man Strikes Again...
The Patriots may not have much of an offense, and definitely aren't flashy or lighting up the scoreboard with abundance... but they are still winning. A big Thank You should go to the inadequacy of JP Losman for this win. Twice he had the Bills in NE territory ready to score, once he coughed it up and once he threw an interception. At least he was changing it up and finding new ways to fail.

Asante Samuel is making an impact for the Patriots D this year, he's been on a tear the past few weeks with 3 interceptions. In a No-Name defense like the Patriots have this year, he's a guy to watch... and adding some sparkle in the process.

The Red Shoe Diaries...
Have you ever seen a WR run so fast that he ran out of his shoe? Hines Ward had a career day with 171 yards and 3 visits to paydirt, one of those a 70 yard sprint minus one shoe.

The scoring bonanza was a little surprising considering that both defenses have been generally stingy so far this year, which made this game look like a smashmouth ball control match up on paper. Backinaday when the score was posted on the scoreboard by some lacky hanging a placard on the scoreboard hook... this game would have given him a cramp by halftime after running up and down the ladder so much. Both teams scored 2 touchdowns in the 2nd Quarter alone. Denver called and asked if they could have some of those points on loan for their game against Indianapolis later.

By now everyone has seen the kicking carousel that took place at the end of regulation... and all I can say is that Mora is a lucky man that he isn't having to second guess his decision Monday morning. Whaddya say we pick ONE kicker and go with him the rest of the season. Just like a coach to "over-coach" and make a mess of things when he has an option.

Can We Buy A Missed FG for a change?...
The frustration was easy to see. Two weeks in a row Donovan McNabb has had to watch from the sidelines as his team loses the game in the last seconds due to FG's. This week was even more unlikely than last weeks, as Bryant put on his gold leg... like Mister Gadget... and kicked a 62 yard field goal. If he had a clubfoot or kicked barefoot he could have made it from 64 easy.

But this week McNabb has no one else but himself to blame for the loss.... since he spotted the Bucs 14 points by giving Ronde Barber his audition tape for the Giants to show that he's ready to take Tiki's place next year when he retires.

Buchanon High product resurrects Jets ground game...
Until Sunday's 120 yard effort with two carries culminating with six points, the only two things Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington was noted for was cutting class and stealing Mr Woodson's nitro glycerin pills with his greasy halfwit Italian buddy named Vinnie.

"Hey, Mister Kott-errrrr..."


Oh.... Leon "Boom Boom" Washington is his name. One Boom for each touchdown. I don't know how long its been since the Jets have had 42 rushing plays in one game, but I bet even in Martin's big year a few years back... there weren't many 40+ days. Hope the rookie came to work, because that is just what Penny needs to help his passing game.

Did anyone catch the connection between run and re-run? If I'm nothing else.... I'm clever and absurdly witty in my own mind.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane with the Lions for a moment...

Week #3 - GB 31 Detroit 24 (-7)
Week #4 - St Louie 41 Detroit 34 (-7)

Week #8.... (-7) again.... if next week wasn't the bye week we could just pencil in the Lions (-7) no matter who they play. The sad thing is... they are scoring enough points offensively, but the minute their defense gets out on the field again.... they're down 7 again. SF, Arizona and Miami on the horizon.... can this defense stop the bleeding for a few weeks to get a few victories?

Run Joey..... Run... Not Pass...
Somebody must have hit Saban in the head this last week. Why on Earth would he give Harrington and his arm carte blanche... and 62 opportunties... to destroy any chance of victory. True to his character Joey tossed 3 interceptions, which led to 13 points for the Packers. The margin of victory for the Pack: 10 points. Thank you very much Joey... we'll take it. Anyone who can make the Packers defense actually look halfway decent... has achieved a new level of suck-itude.

When you spend a 1st round draft pick to get a decent running back like Ronnie B., it seems like such a shame and waste of talent to not use him. And we wonder why Ricky wanted to spend all of his time smokin' jays and emulating Bob Marley any way he could..... he had way too much time on his hands and nothing better to do.

U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi... you ugly...
There is absolutely nothing else to say about the Denver game except that they won.... thanks again to the stellar performance of the defense, which by the way is on loan from Cleveland. I wonder if Romeo is second-guessing that decision?

5-1... and the ugliest winning offense I've seen in the Mile High City in quite a few years. I think the last time the Broncos looked this bad on offense was before Elway arrived and a little known QB named Gary Kubiak was sucking-in-style with the Orange Crush defense making him not look so..... Plummerish.

What's a Prize Fighter without a 1-2 punch combo?
If the lackluster Seahawks offense without Alexander and Hasselbeck is the point of reference.... then the answer is a washed-up nobody who couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag. Nothing like injuring the hometown hero QB to quiet the crowd. The Verizon guy could have walked over every inch of Qwest stadium and not missed one word.... if he actually had a conversation.

Can you hear me... *punch*

Shut the fuck up already! Welcome to Qwest territory you annoying little prick.

Chester "The Seahawk Molester" Taylor came into SA's house and flexed a little muscle, including a 95 yard scamper that made the Seahawk D look like a bunch of keystone cops.

If you play the Cardinals... don't worry about turnovers...
Last week the Bears had 6 turnovers... and won. This week, the Raiders commited 5 mistakes and really didn't play much better than they have all year during their 0-5 run.... but this week, because it was the Cardinals.... they finally win.

So let's see if I got this straight.... the crappy California QB from Arizona, nowhere near national championships or New York athletic club trophies, outplayed the classy Arizona QB from California. That makes sense.

Denny Green... welcome to the Hot seat. I know you're no stranger to being in it, but a word of warning in case your not familiar with Arizona hot seat territory. All I need to say is two words: Saguaro cactus.

So you wanna play rough...
Even after a face full of turf and a neck twisting hit that made me hurt just watching it.... Peyton never missed a beat... or play... and shredded the Redskins secondary with four scoring strikes and a mere 452 yards on 25 completions. Two of those touchdown throws were caught by Starvin' Marvin, who had only been on the receiving end of one TD pass through the previos five games.

From a Harrison fan and fantasy owner.... thank you thank you thank you!!!

In a week when a lot of quarterbacks were being carted off the field on stretchers... it looked like Peyton was going to be another victim to the weeks unsavory trend. A lesser man would have sat out the rest of the game at least and let the back up handle it. But the Colts were down 14-13 and pushing Peyton's face in the dirt only made him more resolved and probably angrier.... because he saved his best game for the 3rd quarter.

"Eat my dirt suckahs!" Peyton says...

Once: to Marvin

Twice: to Reggie

Thrice: To Marvin.... again.

Anyone got a guess as to win Gibbs decides to try his luck with a rookie QB?

Speaking of Rookie QB's...
Dear Mr Parcells:

No'mo Romo.... thank you very much Mr Roboto.... Romo.... Romo...

Although I must admit... nothing pleases me more than to watch a Monday Night meltdown in Dallas. I don't know how Parcells will be able to go back to Bledsoe without playing 52 card pick-up with his rookie QB's psyche. If Dallas has any hope of salvaging a 8-8 or better year, he needs to find a way to keep Bledsoe as his starter.

The story for Dallas this week was TO once again... only this time its not Terrell Owens, but TurnOvers.

The Giants went into their bye week looking pathetic... but now just two weeks later: They are perched on top of the NFC East and their defense is on fire. The next three weeks look like a downhill run with a three-week homestand including Tampa and Houston. Unless Seattle can come back from the death bed they are currently on.... chances of the Giants at least getting a wild card bid in the play offs are looking better every week.

Sagitta Veritas

PS... if you have comments or after thoughts about my weekly comments and after thoughts...
or you have any paternity claims, pending litigation, debt collection or repossessions.... load your guns and bring it on.... or email me if you're a spineless atavastic pig-fucker wimp. *grin*

Friday, October 20, 2006

Degenerate Gamblers V 2.0 week 7

So, I have been sitting in my truck, with the engine running and a hose connected to the tail pipe. I haven't run the pipe into the truck yet, but I am fuckin close. Last weeks 0-4 pathetic showing cost me $880.00, and a sleepless night.

I cant seem to figure this year out yet, but I believe I am getting closer. My banker seems to think I might have a problem, but I told him I was funding the new Maginot Line. He told me it didn't work the first time, and I replied "tell me about it"

I have a few "seedy" friends, and more than one of them have come back to me with offers on one of my lungs. One more Sunday like last week, and I will meet him in the bar called Urban Legends.

Season Totals

6-11-3 $1140 in debt UNGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This weeks dart board musings

AZ -3 vs OAK AZ -3 for $110.00 (loss)
SD-5 vs KC SD -5 for $110.00 (loss)
Jax -9.9 vs Hou Jax-9.5 for $110.00 (loss)
Pats - 5.5 vs Buff Pats -5.5 for $110.00 (win)
ATL + 2.5 vs Pitt Atl +2.5 for $110.00 ( Pitt winless on road) (win)
+ 5 vs MIA GB +5 for $110.00 (win)
PHI -5 vs TB Phi -5 for $110.00 (loss)
DET + 3.5 vs NYJ DET +3.5 for $110.00 (loss)
CAR +3 vs Cin Car+3 for $110.00 PUSH
DEN-4.5 vs CLE Den-4.5 for $110.00 (win)
WASH +9 vs IND Wash+9 for $110.00 (loss)
SEA-6.5 vs MIN Sea-6.5 for $110.00 (loss)
NYG+3.5 vs DAL NYG+3.5 for $110.00

Georgia Tech +7.5 vs Clemson GT +7.5 for $110.00 (loss)

Thats it for this week, a lucky 13 NFL games & 1 lonely NCAA game

I'll either rebound, or be in a rehab clinic, recovering from a sucking chest wound inflicted under less than sterile conditions.

Later you molesters of house pets

Window Lickers week 7 edition

No running amok last week, but plenty of running with scissors.

PROF 62-25
WIKKID 59-28
CREEK 59-28
AHEM 57-30
ARCHER 56-31
GBIN 54-33
JIMED 54-33

This weeks selections











On The Hash... Marks

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to keep this week's column down to the bare essentials. I have a 12 page report on Herbert Hoover (read that again and feel sorry for me) due monday, and of course, I haven't started it yet. Just the picks this week, I promise to make it up to you next week by posting pictures of Wikkid naked on a trampoline.

Last Week: 12-7
Overall: 80-51

West Virginia -22.5 UConn

Louisville -17 Syracuse

Nebraska +4.5 Texas

Ohio St. -30.5 Indiana

Wisconsin -6.5 Purdue

Arkansas -21 Ole Miss

Auburn -31.5 Tulane

Notre Dame -13.5 UCLA

Tennessee -11 Alabama

Michigan -12.5 Iowa

Boston College +6 FSU

California -23 Washington

Oregon -3.5 Washington St.

Boise St. -21 Idaho

Oklahoma -14 Colorado

Georgia Tech +7.5 Clemson

LSU -33 Fresno St.

UPSET SPECIAL (5-1): Rutgers +6.5 Pittsburgh

LOW (3-2-1): Michigan -12.5 Iowa

P.S.- Email all "Who Do I Start" questions for fantasy football to asklockeroom@gmail.com.


Thursday, October 19, 2006

Professor Ellis D Trails Week 7 Syllabus

Welcome my faithful students to another week of insights and insults from your dependable Professor. The world of fantasy football is such a fickle beast. One minute you are down and cursing your opponent and players on your roster, only to be thrust into elation upon a gamebreak that shows one of those cursed players scoring a touchdown.

I was content going into Monday night’s game accepting defeat as I was up by one point with Brian Urlacher, while my opponent had the scoring machine that is Robbie Gould and stud Adrian Wilson. I sure that many of you shared my views of the game that Chicago would be destroying them by halftime and not only giving Gould ample opportunity to score on field goals and extra points, but provide many chances for tackles and other defensive stats for Wilson. In other words, I was toast.

The game went on as you all witnessed, and his (deadliftboy of fanball lore) team was scoring, while Urlacher was not doing much but getting some assisted tackles. I was down at one point by as many as ten points in the second half and only continued to watch because I am an insane football fan that can’t watch enough. Urlacher got a couple of tackles and pulled me closer, but I didn’t think much of it. In our league, Tackles are worth 1 and assists are 1 pt for ever 2. Sacks/Ints/FF/FR are each worth 3. With about 5 minutes to go in the game, I had pulled within 5 points, as the Cardinals kept running right into Urlacher. Then the improbable begins.

First, Edge runs right into the center of the line and Urlacher is seemingly nowhere near him, then you see big # 54 come out of the shadows and use his guns to strip the ball from Edge, which shortened the lead to two. Charles Tillman picks up the ball and runs it in, thus only allowing Gould an extra point instead of a FG. (That fumble TD by Tillman won fellow LR mate Jimed’s game for him – LR sticks together) The lead was back at three. Arizona gets the ball back and proceeds to run two plays right into #54 and an inconsequential incomplete pass. The lead is down to 1 and the Bears are about to get the ball back. I know at this point Deadlift is hoping for a sustained drive so Adrian Wilson can get a couple of tackles and Gould will get a FG try. I am nearly screaming at my high-definition TV for Hester to return the kick for a TD. HESTER RETURNS IT AND I BLEW A GASKET. I knew that Gould would get the point, but I also knew that now the Cardinals would get the ball back and Urlacher had already begun to take the game into his hands. His lead was two. Urlacher, almost anticlimactically, gets two tackles right away to tie the game. The game winner came on a first down pass to Obafemi Ayanbadejo. As Obafemi sprinted towards the sideline to stop the clock, Urlacher catches up to him in time to shove him out of bounds and award me with my point that I needed to put me over the top. As Arizona lines up for the chance to take the lead, all I could wish for was a miss, as any make would force Chicago to pass and give Wilson another shot to tie or even take the lead. Well, as that kick sailed wide, as smile large as life appeared on my face as I exclaimed, “Kneel Down, I WIN!!!”

Fantasy football is about the joy of victory, but just as much it is about the agony of defeat. For without one, you do not have the other. The ultimate yin/yang. I know there are many that play fantasy football for the monetary reward, but I play, not only for the money, but for the pure enjoyment and fun that comes with winning and losing.

Sunday, October 22, 2006 1:00pm

Carolina is on a roll after their fourth straight win last week against the Ravens and Cincy not only lost to Tampa, they also lost Levi Jones for a month. Carolina takes on their third AFC team in a row and looks to stay unbeaten against them. Cincy is losing players like Ahmad Carroll in the secondary

Jake Delhomme - Of course having Steve Smith helps Jake, his passer rating has been above 90 in each of the games that Smitty has been back. He seems to like the road games, he averages 273 yards passing on the road compared to 175 yards passing at home. His two lowest yardage games this season came when Smith was playing.
DeShaun Foster - After two straight hundred yards games, he ran into a wall known as the Ravens. Expect him to get back on track against one of the poorer run defenses in the league
Steve Smith - He is sixth in the league in yardage and has missed two games. Any questions?

Carson Palmer - The Bengals are getting creamed in the trenches, First the lose Braham at Center and now Levi, ouch. Carolina’s defense gave up some stats against Kyle Boller, so that has to make you feel better, but don’t be surprised if he has a down game.
Rudi Johnson - He only has one hundred yard game this season and with the injuries on the line, he won’t get one this week either.
CJ - I figured that after teams realized that if they shut down CJ, then Housh and crew will beat them, I guess teams would rather have Housh beat them.
Housh - This is the first week that I will rank Housh higher than CJ.

John Kitna is definitely putting up some good numbers in Mike Martz’ offense and beat a pretty good defense in the Bills last week for their first win. This week they take on a Jets team that was able to hold off Miami. The Jets seem to beat the bad teams and lose to the good teams, guess that means a win this week.

John Kitna - Kitna is really starting to connect with Roy Williams, He just needs to curtail the turnovers, 10 in 6 games.
Kevin Jones - Can it be that he is finally living up to the hype that has followed him last year and this one. He finally broke out a hundred yard game last week and has played well sans the Viking game. The Jets couldn’t stop a running back with cement shoes.

Chad Pennington - What team has given up the most passing TD’s in the league? Yes, the Lions.
Leon Washington - The rook has look impressive in his limited chances, but I don’t see Mangini giving him the lead role just yet. Detroit has played the run well, but the loss of Rodgers could thin the line enough for Leon to get the edge and make some plays.
Coles - The NFL two leading receivers are playing in this game and Coles is one of them. My sleeper at WR is asleep no more.

The Pack are coming off their bye with a healthy Ahman and Favre coming to the aid of banned teammate Koren Robinson. Hey Brett, he is a lost cause. Miami, once the team considered to overtake New England, now trying to cope with cast off Joey Harrington at QB. Ouch!

Brett Favre - Miami starting CB Travis Daniels is still out, backup CB Andre' Goodman is doubtful with a bad shoulder, another backup CB Michael Lehan left the Jets game with a bad hamstring, and starting SS Traveres Tillman is reportedly about to lose his job. Bombs away.
Ahman GreenAhman Green should have come back next week. Miami is only giving up 3 yrds/carry this year.
Donald Driver - If those ribs are healthy, then he is the #1 guy on the team. The week before the bye, he was barely running off the line and Jennings was the target. If the ribs still hurt him, then Jennings is your man.

Joey Harrington - He will showcase his late game heroics in Miami, oh wait, no he won't he sucks.
Ronnie Brown - Don't give up on Ronnie, He is in line to have a nice week against the Pack.
Chris Chambers - Even with Harrington at QB, Chambers will have a good week. The packers secondary gives up huge plays.

Jacksonville comes off their bye to face a Houston defense that is getting worse by the week. Houston played a half of football before sending out a D-II team in the 2nd Half.

Byron Leftwich - Do you really need me to tell you to start anyone against the Texans?
Fred Taylor - See Leftwich, also, DT Seth Payne is out for the year. So, a weak defense got weaker.
Reggie Williams - Still don’t think that the Jags have a #1, Reggie has only 3 less catches than Wilford and Jones combined.

Andre Johnson - I would only recommend one Texan for this game as they should be getting smoked and Carr seems to have tunnel vision for him worse than Jake ever did for Smith. Now that Moulds is there to take heat off of him, he will always get his catches and Houston is perpetually trailing late.

Ho-Hum, New England is 4-1 and leading their division by two games. They come off the bye to take on the Bills who almost beat them in New England if not for a 4th quarter safety. The Bills let the Lions get their first win against them and are not heading in the right direction

Tom Brady - He is not the same consistent fantasy scorer that we have all become accustomed to, but he wins and that is all BB cares about.
Laurence Maroney - He is obviously the more explosive of the two backs in New England and is the feature guy for all intents and purposes.
Ben Watson - He is one guy that I had pegged for a big season that has let me down. With Graham still ailing, he should see a lot of red zone looks.

JP Loseman - New England has only given up 4 TD passes all season and The New England game earlier in the year is the only game Loseman did not throw a TD pass.
Willis McGahee - He has only one good game this year. That game against the Jets is the only game he gets over 4 yards a carry. He has only 1 TD. If you take out that one game against the pitiful Jets run defense, he is averaging 3.4 yds per carry. How much longer until everyone sees that he is not very good.
Lee Evans After a slow start, he has come on strong and is due for some TD’s

The EAGLES came back strong last week only to fall short in the end. I will say that I underestimated the Saints and Drew Brees abilities to lead a team. Tampa was another first time winner against the Bengals last week and the Rookie gets to face a defense that leads the league in sacks.

Donavon McNabb - He will be over 2000 yards and we are not even half way through the season. Damn.
Bryan Westbrook - Tampa is giving up almost 150 yards a game on the ground, but that number is skewed by the 300+ they gave up to the Falcons. They stopped Cincy and should stop the Birds attempts. The Eagles are going to need to pass to set up the run in this one.
Reggie Brown - If last week’s game didn’t show you that Reggie Brown is the real deal than you are just ignorant.

Bruce Gradkowski - Dave Attel look-alike gets to see what a real pass rush is like in the NFL.
Cadillac Williams - Teams have been able to run on the Eagles by taking advantage of the pursuit. Caddy could go off if the EAGLES are not ready.

I have always said that when good teams are backed up against a wall and need a win, will get that win more often than not and Pitt showed that last week against the Chiefs. Atlanta once again showed that if you force Vick to beat you with his arm, he cannot.

Ben Roethlisbeger - You know your season is not going well when you get a perfect QB rating in one game and it raises your Rating to just above 60. He threw his two first TD passes after starting the season with 7 interceptions. This week he gets to face another stingy pass defense and on the road. Sit him if you have a better matchup.
Willie Parker - The only way to win this game for the Steelers is to control the ball. The Giants proved that the Falcons can be run on and Fast Willie can run on anybody.
Najeh Davenport - I picked him up in two of my leagues and he paid immediate dividends. If you are in a TD heavy league and he is available, grab him.

Ron Mexico - He can run like a gazelle, but the only thing he can pass is Herpes
Warrick Dunn - Dunn owners finally got a TD from their back on the longest TD run in Falcon history. I have always said that If Dunn scored TD’s, he would be a top 5 fantasy pick.
Atlanta ReceiversThe few passes that happen to enter into the area of a Falcon receiver get dropped anyway, so they are useless in fantasy terms.

LT put on a show in San Francisco and should continue the onslaught in Kansas City. Huard didn’t have a chance in Pittsburgh considering the urgency that the Steelers needed a win. KC’s defense has been up and down this year, but overall has played better than recent history.

Philip Rivers - He was able to take advantage of Pitt’s smaller DB’s at home and sliced through an extremely permeable Niner defense, but these two corners should be his biggest test to date, especially being on the road.
LT - LT is going to have to one of his games for the Chargers to dominate, otherwise this one will be a low scoring close game.
Antonio Gates - He may only have 255 yards receiving on the year, but half have come in the last two games.

Damon Huard - He thought Pitt had a tough defense.
LJ - He is struggling. Only 3.4 yds per carry against the 49ers is struggling. 3 TD’s for a guy that many thought would get 25+ is struggling. 31 carries for 62 yards in his last two games tells me that he won’t be able to beat SD. NBYS, but I would consider sitting him this week, if I had a guy on the bench with a great matchup.

Sunday, October 22, 2006 4:05pm

Denver has the best defense that no one is paying attention to. The offense is mediocre and that is saved by the play of the defense. They should have destroyed the Raiders, even with the rain and let them stay in it far too long. Cleveland is another team that has a mediocre offense with a defense that plays well at times. The differences between the two are Cleveland’s offense is even more inconsistent and the defense is as well. If they could put together a full game, they could beat most teams. The funny thing is that Denver’s entire defensive line is ex-browns.

Jake Plummer - When I watch Denver play this year, it reminds me of the Bears from last year. Offense sputters and defense plays very well and the team wins, ugly at times.
Tatem Bell - Mike Bell has had 5 carries in two games. We have a #1 back.
Rod Smith - Rod Smith’s #’s are low not because of the new addition on the other side, but rather because of the drop-off from the QB position.

Charlie FryeBeing in this division is tough for a young QB, with all the strong defenses. He is still young and learning and will struggle. I highly doubt that anyone is starting him, unless you are in dire straits.
Rueben Droughns - *Cricket* *Cricket*
Kellen Winslow - I wonder how the loss of his brother will affect him for this week’s game. My thoughts and prayers are with you Kellen.

Sunday, October 22, 2006 4:15

Thank you Arizona for helping me win my game in the Manglerz league. At least Lienart looks like the real deal. If Arizona cannot beat Oakland, then they should just give up. Oakland is another week closer to 0-16 and Brady Quinn. I’ve got it, Al Davis wants Quinn bad enough to tank the season. That is the only reason that I can think that they would hire Art Shell and a Bed & Breakfast Manager to run the offense.

Matt Lienart - If he can pass like that against Chicago, then he should set some records against Oakland
Edge - You cannot say that they are not feeding him the ball. Oakland has had more rushing attempts against them than any other team.
Anquan Boldin - So much for Lienart targeting Johnson the most, Boldin had a lofty 19 looks last week and should have another big week here.

Andrew Walter - Brooks is another week away. Does it really matter?
Randy Moss - He showed some signs of life last week, time to take another week off.

Minnesota sat at home last week and watched their deficit in their division grow thanks to the improbable comeback by the Bears and need to win to keep pace with them. Seattle bounced back from their drubbing by the bears with a win at St Louis in a wild finish.

Chester Taylor - I don’t expect much from him this game. Seattle has handled the run game except for the Bears game, but I don’t expect the Vikings to dominate like the Bears did.

Matt Hasselback - If you go by Matt’s games this year, then this will be a bad game. He started the season with a good game, then played poorly against the Cardinals. He had 5 TD’s the next week against the Giants and then followed it up with 2 Int’s against the Bears. Last week he has his best game of the season with 3TD’s and no Int’s. So, this should be a bad one if he follows suit.
Mo Mo - The Vikings have had a stellar run defense this year and I don’t see much room for Mo or Mack
Deion Branch - He gets into the starting lineup and did something he never did in a Patriot’s uniform, score 2 TD’s in one game. Don’t expect too much after this game though as he has had over 7 catches only 3 times in his career and once was a huge game in 2002.

Let me get this straight, Washington beats Jacksonville and then two weeks later loses to the Titans. How much longer until Campbell is playing. The ‘Skins need this game and have to play the Colts in Indy, doesn’t look good. I said earlier that good teams win when backed in a corner and the ‘Skins are just not a good “team.” Indy is 5-0, but just as easily could be 2-3 or worse. The run defense is worse than the Niners and I don’t think trading for McFarland is going to help that much.

Mark Brunell - If you want to know what the definition of aging vet hanging on too long, watch him play.
Clinton Portis - He should shred that defense that gave up 100 yards to the Texan’s offense.
Chris Cooley - I knew he would score last week, I cut him in one of my leagues.
Three Blind Mice - See how they run.

Peyton Manning - He got a bye week to prepare for a team that got beat by the Titans. He is my #1 QB for the week.
Harrison and Wayne - Both these guys will get plenty of opportunities to score.

Monday, October 23, 2006 8:30pm

The Giants are coming off a bye to play on Monday night against a division rival whose coach is more famous for coaching them then the current team he is heading. Dallas got off to a slow start against Houston, but TO got to dance on the star and all was calm in Dallas for a week or so.

Eli Manning - How long into his career will the excuse of being young be able to be used for explanation of his mistakes?
Tiki Barber - Ok, I will never pick Tiki for Bust of the Week again. He does only have one TD so far though.
Jeremey Shockey - He finally shut his mouth and played last week. When he plays like that, he is a must start. Too bad, he doesn’t do that too often.

The Statue - The Giants pass defense is getting better and if the Statue gets in trouble like he did against Philly, then it could be a long night for him.
Julius Jones - He gets all the yards and Barber scores the TD.
Marion Barber - Only worth a start in TD only leagues.
TO - It is hard to get the plays when you are the second favorite target and your QB is on his ass.

Top 10 QB’s for Week 7
1. Peyton Manning
2. Donavon McNabb
3. Carson Palmer
4. Jake Delhomme
5. Byron Leftwich
6. Brett Favre
7. Eli Manning
8. Matt Lienart
9. Matt Hasselback
10. Tom Brady

Top 10 RB’s for Week 7
1. Clinton Portis
2. LaDainian Tomlinson
3. Ronnie Brown
4. Brian Westbrook
5. Kevin Jones
6. Fred Taylor
7. Tiki Barber
8. Edgerrin James
9. Larry Johnson
10. Chester Taylor

Top 10 WR’s for Week 7
1. Steve Smith
2. Marvin Harrison
3. Anquan Boldin
4. Roy Williams
5. Chris Chambers
6. TJ Houshmandzadeh
7. Randy Moss
8. Reggie Wayne
9. Darrell Jackson
10. Reggie Williams

Sleeper of the Week – Tatum Bell
Tatum Bell gets to play the Browns this week. As long as he is the starter, I would start Tatum Bell almost every week. The Browns, although in some close games, only win has come at the hands of the lowly Raiders, and they will struggle to stop the Broncos offense. Denver will look to establish the run early in the game and get Bell plenty of work. Bell should get a ton of touches ad should easily get more than 100 yards and score his second touchdown in as many weeks.

Bust of the Week – Willis McGahee
A staple of bust of the week from last year, Willis goes against a New England defense that is playing better each week. They are only yielding 85 yards on the ground per game and Willis is known to disappear against good run defenses. Look for other options and sit the guy that has only scored once this season.

I know my luck will change at some point during this season, but I am enjoying pretty good success this year and look forward to each week like it is the first of the season. If you are in a bind and need to make a difficult decision, Always go with your gut and don’t look back.

Don’t forget, if you have any WDIS questions, direct them to our very own fantasy prognosticator Lord Helmut or any of the other LR staff at:


Wednesday, October 18, 2006

WDIS by Lord Helmet

Lets start by taking a look at how I did last week.

Big Ben vs. Jake Plummer:
I was surprised to see how conservative the Broncos played against a terrible Raiders team, at home no less! I recommended starting Plummer which did not work out very well, he had around a 100 yds and no TDs. Big ben and the Steelers however lit up a KC secondary, I touted as pretty good. Not the best start here

Edge: Big Ben

Ronnie Brown vs. Norwood & Turner:
I suggested sticking with opportunity and Brown came through, Norwood & Turner combined for 5 carries for 5 yds and 1 catch for 2 yds and no TDs. Brown carried 22 times for 127 yds and a score.

Edge: Ronnie Brown

Desmond Clark vs. Alex Smith:
I recommended starting Smith. Clark had 4 catches for 61 yds to Smiths 3 for 10, however one of those grabs by Smith was a TD

Slight edge: Alex Smith

Bryant Johnson vs Welker, Eric Parker and some other scrubs:
In the absence of Fitz, Johnson only had a couple of catches but one was for a TD. With Roy Williams back Hakim fell of the radar, Welker and Parker are now officially better options.

Edge: Johnson

Leon Washington vs. Musa Smith, Herron and more:
Leon only had 11 carries for 58 yds, but he was still a helluva lot better than Musa who produced 5 yds on the ground and a catch for -2. Herron has no value anymore as Green reportedly is back

Edge: Washington

No questions has been posted yet this week, so go ahead and shoot me a mail. I care about YOUR team


J. Kitna vs. D.Bledsoe:

A:Bledsoe is facing the improving Giants secondary, that have not given up a passing TD since week 3. He's coming off a good week connecting on 2 scoring strikes with TO, but was shut down by the Eagles the week before throwing 3 picks and no TDs. Kitna is also a bit inconsistent, but seemed to be getting into a groove with his go-to receiver Roy Williams last week. The Lions have 2 guards on the injury report as questionable and their 2 starting interior D-linemen are out for this game. It will be up to Kitna and the WR corps to keep them in this game, also Jones has been good as a receiver out of the backfield. Lions are facing the jets who's giving up a lot of big plays in the secondary.

Edge: Kitna

Q: Edge vs. Maroney, Rudi vs. Rhodes, Housh vs. Bry. Johnson, Lindell vs. Vanderjagt

A: Edge is playing Oakland, the joke of the league, a matchup the Cards should win but there's a new OC in Arizona whos promising no more conservative play calling. If this will limit Edge's opportunities remains to be seen, but he's proving so far that not even a Pro Bowl back can find running room behind that line. Maroney is a explosive and exciting rookie back and has been terrific in limited action. He's coming off his bye and a less than stellar performance against Miami, only racking up 38 yds on 18 attempts. The important thing is that he's involved in the offense and should continue untill Dillon is out of the picture.

Edge: Normally would say James but I'm confident in Maroney, so go with the rook.

Rudi is a stud and Rhodes is a scrub, Rudi gets alot of touches and even with a depleted o-line he's the play here.

Edge: Rudi

Housh vs. Bryant Johnson: Housh had 10 catches last week, and Palmer doesn't really get the time to throw deep thus making the underneath route open for lots of business.

Easy choice: Housh

Lindell vs. Vanderjagt: Flip a coin

Monday, October 16, 2006

NUFCED by wikkidpissah

The man in the headphones. Sure, we love the blitz, the bomb, the 4th & goal, the dazzling return, but football is a coach’s medium. You can sign, draft & steal all the talent you want, but they’re all for nuttin’ without the guy who puts it all together. The fun thing is, you can never tell if a new coach has it or an old coach is losing it. Some are legends right out of the box, some gotta fail once to find the key to success. They can know everything about the game, go sleepless from July to January and still be busts. They can be masters of the game in one era and clueless in the next. Whatever, you ain’t gonna win without one who don’t get the game as it’s played and fits his crew and that’s that.

The most significant development of the 1st 3rd of the ’06 season is the coaches who have entirely changed the culture of their franchises. Like baseball’s Jim Leyland, who convinced a Tiger team with 12 consecutive losing seasons that they were as good as anyone and has brought them steamrolling thru the postseason, many of ‘06’s new NFL coaches turned a blind eye to wayward methods of the past and saw quality where few did. And they got their teams to view things the same way. I’ve written previously how impressed I was that Brad Childress has turned a sinking Love Boat into an armored frigate so quickly, but the story of the year has to be Sean Payton’s transcendent job in delivering to the city of New Orleans their first reason to cheer since Brownie was fired. Other fine work is being done elsewhere, as I will point out in my look at this week’s action.

NO 27 PHIL 24

Game of the day. Unknown afterthought Payton, last coach hired (presumably after Satchmo’s ghost and Omarosa had turned the Saints down) this offseason, saw a unit in New Orleans disparate parts, hired the right QB, had the courage to put the running game in the hands of the right guy over the instant legend and, with a swarming defense as well, has his team playing the most compelling football in franchise history. Far more impressive than busting out to a 17-3 halftime lead was following a 3 TD run by the Eagles with the TD to tie and the FG to win. There’s nothing harder in this game than summoning it up to recover from being put back on your heels, but you could see them decide to be winners and accomplish their goal. Color me a fan from here out, even if they weren’t the hope of a city desperately in need of some....Reggie Brown is f’real. Answering a Saints’ strategy of exploiting the lack of options on the other side of the field, he stepped up and was the key to the Eagle’s comeback. If the Hamstring Fairy can heel Stallworth, this will be a top tandem....Deuce is running as well as anyone in football right now. The other key to Philly’s rebound is the Saints going away from him in the 2nd half. Conversely, I didn’t see Bush, though as quick as ever, make any yardage after contact. Not an inch.

SEA 28 STL 27

Another great coaching job with, though as exciting, not as successful an outcome. The Seahawks came out flat off their bye week and the Rams seized the occasion to just flat march down the field series after series. Everything seemed to work. Someone must have reminded Seattle that they are a championship football team at halftime and they started playing like it to storm past StLoo. Still Scott Linehan gathered his troops and broke Holt free yet again to take the late lead before Josh Brown's 3rd monster FG (after missing the chip shot early which made the last necessary) won it for the Hawks....I think we can say for good & all that MoMo is not an NFL starter....Hass-Branch will be far more prolific a combo than Brady-Branch – hey, I never noticed that before. *lalala* The Brady-Branch/The Brady-Branch/Don’t know why they broke up the Brady-Branch *lalala*

DET 20 BUF 17

Now on to other coaching achievements – the three who got their teams off the schneide today. New coach Marinelli barely kept his team from being just good enough to lose yet again. KJ & Royboy were unconscious, JP was Lostman yet again & Willis never figured what he was runnin’ ‘bout and yet the Lions couldn’t put ‘em away. I think I know why – Kitna don’t fit this system at all. He don’t stink, he just makes too many mistakes for the continuity of Martz’s offensive gameplan...If I were a Buffaloinger, I don’t know what I’d find more disheartening – lake-effect snow or Loseman’s one-step-forward-97-steps-back deal.

TB 14 CIN 13

Another case of bye week blues. The Bengals played like they’d gotten into Odell’s stash....Gradkowski is everything that GoldenBoy isn’t. Enjoy your spleenache, Chrissy – you ain’t getting this job back....Grab Chris Perry NOW – it’s too easy to tee off on CPalm in the pocket without a multitasking back behind him. If Perry comes back sound, he should pass Rudi this year.


FIRE GIBBS FAST! This team plays without identity and handles adversity like USRep. Foley handles seduction. Time to see if Williams can handle the reigns before moving on....VY will suck for a while, but his team enjoys playing for him. Still, he’s no Gradkowski.

PGH 45 KC 7

End of a mini-scheide. The Steelers were clearly more afraid of Cowher than of the Chiefs and it had them playing clearly like their old selves....A mulligan for the Chiefs for sure. They cant afford any more, though....I’m becoming a FWP fan and that surprises me. He grows with every game and Tiki/Dunn status looks to be not too far off.

NYG 27 ATL 14

More bye blahs. Eli tried to give the Falcons the game with two early Ints, but they just wouldn’t take it....Tiki has caught LT2 in all aspects of the game except a nose for the stripe (and I don’t think he’s as bad at that as his coach does). Factor in his leadership, though, and I’d be just as happy with either right now....Got a feeling Atlanta will be a fair-weather team this year – dominant at times, but without answer when their attack is solved.

DAL 34 HOU 6

Bye bust of a different kind. The Texans stayed in the contest for a half but ran out of gas badly....Never has a 3 TD game been less important to a win than TO’s. In the first half, the announcers actually wondered if he was being boycotted by his own team....The Texans' is the most ineffectual running game I’ve ever seen on purpose. The only thing comparable was when the Falcons lost Jamal a few years ago and went through their whole bench before ending up with a guy named Ken Oxendale (who actually ran like he was yoked) at the end.

CAR 24 BAL 23

Old habits die hard – the Ravens stopped playing defense the SECOND Boller came on to replace Air....Another game where the Panthers turned a wide open floater into a spectacular catch. Perhaps being far the worst team in football on 3rd down has summin to do with it....I fear John Fox is sitting on his laurels. The game changes too quickly for him to do that without it passing him by.

NYJ 20 MIA 17

Joey, don't be a hero,
Don't be a fool with your life
Joey, don't be a hero,
Let linemen make you their wife
And, as he started to throw
We said, Joey, keep your head low
Joey, don't be a hero, lose one more time

SD 1438 SF -0

Sure, take LT2 out in games still up for grabs, but leave him in all the way in a pig like this. Just happy I didn’t face a team that had him this week in any of my seven leagues.

DEN 13 OAK 3

From "Just win, baby" to "Why bother, fool?". Color me impressed....If he's not careful, Shanny will be remembered as much for being the Schottenheimer of the 21st century as for being Elway's caddie. Failing to require more from an offense that can clearly provide it almost guarantees early playoff elimination. That would be a shame with a defense that's allowed but one prevent TD all year. Maybe they can get Orton to take the offense from Jakes the Clown.

Remember, kids - Lord Helmet will be answering WDIS each Wednesday here on LOCKERROOM and some of our other experts might chime in as well. Send your questions to:


Play hard -

Saturday, October 14, 2006

On The Hash... Marks (Special "I'm Late, I'm Late!" Edition)

Oh Mario, Where Art Thou?

1. Ohio St.
2. Florida (+2)
3. USC
4. Michigan (+1)
5. West Virginia (+1)
6. Louisville (+1)
7. Texas (+2)
8. California (+11)
9. Tennessee (+9)
10. Iowa (+3)
11. Notre Dame (+3)
12. Clemson (+4)
13. Georgia Tech (+4)
14. Arkansas (NR)
15. Auburn (-13)
16. Georgia (-4)
17. Missouri (+4)
18. LSU (+10)
19. Boise St. (+1)
20. Nebraska (-2)
21. Oregon (-11)
22. Rutgers (+1)
23. Oklahoma (-8)
24. Wisconsin (NR)
25. Boston College (NR)


1. Troy Smith QB tOSU
QBRat 170.6 1261yds 15TDs 2INTs
Prediction: @ Mich St. 18-29 245yds 2TDs

2. Adrian Peterson RB Ok
142rush 752yds 5.3ypc 8TDs
5rec 82yds 1TD
Prediction: vs. Iowa St. 35rush 225yds 3TDs

3. John David Booty QB USC
137.8QBrat 1209yds 11TDs 3INTs
Prediction: vs. Az St. 23-36 270yds 3TDs

4. Garrett Wolfe RB NIU
156rush 1343yds 8.6ypc 13TDs
13rec 162yds 1TD
Prediction: W. Mich 30rush 180yds 2TDs

5. Mike Hart RB Mich
157rush 794yds 5.1 ypc 5TDs
6rec 66yds
Prediction: @ Penn St. 25rush 120yds 1TD

Last Week: 8-9
Overall: 68-44-2

Minnesota +8 Wisconsin
It's amazing how these two teams can retool the running back position every year. A lot of that has to do with the good o-lines they consistently have, but P.J. Hill is going to be a superstar. My bet is the last team to score takes this one.

Wisc 31 Min 27

Iowa -18.5 Indiana
Iowa will run all over Indy regardless of whether Albert Young plays or not.

Iowa 40 Ind U 13

Georgia -13.5 Vanderbilt
Offense looked much better with Tereshinski back last week. Things kind of fell apart at the end there, however. Georgia should be back ready to dominate, and Jay Cutler is nowhere in sight for Vandy.

UGA 28 Vandy 7

Oklahoma -19 Iowa St.
The Cyclones broke my heart last week and fell out of the Big 12 North race. Oklahoma is more than likely a bit ticked off after losing to Texas which should make for a tough day for my boys Bret Meyer, Stevie Hicks, and Todd Blizzythe.

Ok 34 ISU 14

Ohio St. -14 MSU
I can see the Spartans keeping this one close, but I don't have the mazumbos to pick 'em.

tOSU 27 MSU 10

WVU -25 'Cuse, Ark (no line) over SeMizzou, Louis -25 Cincy, Tx -27 Baylor, LSU -26 UK, Boise St. -26 NMST.

Oregon -8.5 UCLA
Jon Stewart should be able to pick up the win on the ground for the Ducks while still maintaining his ability as a witty, comical left-wing fake news show host.

Ore 27 UCLA 16

California -8 Washington St.
I've been down on Cal since they killed me by losing to Tennessee (talked all kinds of crap in the preseason that the Pac-10 elite is as good as anyone's to my friend/redneck football watchin' buddy. Caught a lot of heat when Cal got killed), but I'm finally coming around on them. Longshore can play, Lynch and Jackson are two of the best playmakers in the country.

Cal 32 Wazzu St. 20

Nebraska -9 Kansas St.
K-State's got 4 straight wins at home, but that's in the past. Nebraska should be able to put up a big lead early and the blackshirts will do the rest.

Neb 28 KSt. 13

Auburn +2 Florida
Hopefully is a closer game than last week's UF/LSU game. I'll be watching the Michigan game, so I'll miss out on this one, but this should be a GOTY candidate.

Aub 21 UF 20

Michigan -6 Penn St.
I'm sticking with my forumla of having no confidence is picking Michigan games. They've been winning, so I'm happy. Manningham being out is tough, hopefully Breatson steps up.

UM 24 PSU 17

Arizona St. +19 USC
Close win for USC last week, while ASU had a week off to prepare after their big loss against Oregon. I don't think ASU gets the win, but they will be able to keep it within 19.

USC 31 AZU 20

Upset Special (4-1):
Rutgers +2.5 Navy

Yeah, so Rutgers is pretty much gonna suprise everyone and win the Big East. Your days are numbered, Louisville and West Virginia.

Rutg 27 Navy 19

**~**$Creek's 5-Star, No Doubt, Money-Making *dramatic music, extreme closeup* LOCK OF THE WEEK**~** (3-1-1):
Missouri -2 Texas A&M

Chase Daniel is a sexy bitch. As far as football playing ability is concerned that is. A&M's got a good team, but Mizzou's on the path the Big 12 title game.

Mizzou 24 TxA&M 20

Friday, October 13, 2006

Degenerate Gamblers V 2.0 week 6

So, I do the parent think and attend my kids soccer games, good Dad that I am, but they start @ 11:30 A.M, and by the time the third kids game is over, its 3:45 PM. I miss almost the entire slate of early games. I love my children dearly, and would be there for anything they need, but This Fuckin soccer is ruining America....

Lets look at it.
Fastest growing kids sport in America
cheapest to play, no start up cost for equipment
almost no contact, means less ER visits, but feminizes Americas Male Youth
reduced hand/eye coordination
Gay sock wearing up to the knees..

I understand all the hype, saving parents $$ by lack of equipment costs. Hell, I just went out & bought my 6 year old son New Hockey Equipment, $675.00 for everything, and that doesn't include the $1000.00 league fee/rink fee/ ice time.
But to me, $1600.00 is well worth it, for him to play a sport with contact, building hand to eye coordination, sprouting esprit de corp. Plus, he has a weapon in his hands, should he need to use it.

My selections last week, were right along with the bookies numbers...
I won 1 game, lost none, and pushed twice, netting me a tidy $200.00.
This brings my season totals so far to.
6-7-3, and in the hole $260.00

This weeks selections.

Cincy, coming off a bye, & licking its wounds from an ass beating by the Pats, is giving 5.5 to a Tampa Bay team, that may have found its way with its own Bledsoe/Brady story. I think cincy was caught looking ahead to its bye week, & $330.00 says the 5.5 its giving up, is of no consequence.

McNabb looks like the MVP so far this year, & Reggie Bush is the MHP (Most Hyped Player)
Donny spotting 3 to The Hairy Mole will be a $220.00 play.....GIVE

2 inconsistent teams face off in Buffalo/Detroit. Buff is favored by 1 point, & I think that they have the defense to stop Mad Mike & his offensive juggernaught. Buff -1 is a $220.00 play.

Last but not least
Tease; 6 point variety
Cincy +.5
Phi + 3
buff + 5
Will be a $110.00 play.

Questions will be answered at asklockeroom@gmail.com . For all of you Fantasy Football "Who Do I Start" droolers, Lord Helmet will be answering all of your questions.

Until next week, when I'm sure I will have to answer questions about my take on the whole Soccer thing.

So long ya paste eaters

Window Lickers week 6 edition

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later... We had our first clean sweep. Wikkid picked all of last weeks games correctly. If he does it again, he will be asked to leave the short bus. Maybe the movie The Ringer was based on his life??

Standings after 5 weeks....

Prof 53-21
Wikkid 51-23
Creek 50-24
Archer 49-25
GBIN 48-26 (no selection last week, gets low score)
Ahem 48-26
Jimed 47-27.

This weeks selections










Thursday, October 12, 2006

Professor Ellis D Trails Week 6 Syllabus

Week 6 is unique as it marks the first time ever to have six teams on a bye. Cleveland, Green Bay, Indianapolis, Jacksonville, Minnesota and New England are all out of action, so the likes of Braylon Edwards, Kellen Winslow, Brett Favre, Ahman Green, Donald Driver, Greg Jennings, Peyton Manning, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, Byron Leftwich, Fred Taylor, Chester Taylor, Tom Brady and Laurence Maroney will have to be reserved for less-heralded options. I know this will cause you to strain over the WW this week, but you may be able to pick up some scraps that are left on the list of undesirables. Before I gallivant into this weeks games, I wanted to offer up a couple of those scraps to assist you in bye week hell. I will not be covering these players in their respective matchups as that would just be stupid and redundant.

Bruce Gradkowski (Silent K as I like to call him) - He played well and stood tall in the pocket against a Saints team that is on fire to start the year and against an inconsistent Bengal’s defense, he could provide some punch to your lineup. Be careful though as the Bengals are a good intercepting team.

Drew Bledsoe - His pitiful performance against the EAGLES could have made some owners mad enough to drop him and if that is the case, do not be hesitant to grab him and play him against the wretched Houston pass defense.

Michael Turner - Turner has not just been a clean up or part time back this season. He certainly has been ample opportunity to play in games and if the LT owner has left him in the FA pool (I highly doubt it) Grab him and plug him for your bye week against a 49er team surrendering a ton of yards on the ground.

Travis Henry - I would tend to avoid the Tennessee running game altogether, but Henry had a real nice game against a pretty good defense in Indy and that should buy him the bulk of the carries this week.

Roscoe Parrish - He has been a little inconsistent this season, but this week Buffalo is playing one of the worst pass defenses in the league and it could be a good day for all of the Bills receivers.

Eric Parker - I don’t know if you noticed, but in the Philip Rivers breakout game last week, he targeted Parker on many a play. I would be surprised if he was not available in your league and is a sneaky play this week against the 49ers.

Malcolm Floyd I know another SD guy? He is a big, fast guy with soft hands. Rivers liked to look for this guy in the red zone. Now that he is throwing more than 10 passes a game, he makes a nice bye week pickup.

Jeremey Stevans - He will make his return this week and provide a much better option that the scrubs that have been playing at TE so far this year. He was available in my league for a bye week fill and he could be in yours.

Alex Smith - He has been dropped more than acid at a Grateful Dead concert. Grab him if you have Watson or Winslow this week. TE’s can be a rookie QB’s best friend.

Sunday October 15th, 2006 1:00pm

The Bills were riding a high until they ran into the proverbial wall that is Chicago. The Lions have seemed to get their offense going, too bad the defense cannot stop the pass.

J.P. Loseman - The kid has fight and has come along way to gain some semblance of respect from me. He will have some good numbers in the Dome this weekend.
Willis McGahee - With an actual passing attack, this perennial bust is playing well this year. He is currently third in the league in rushing yards on pace for over 1400 yards. Problems, only 1 TD and still averaging less than 4 yards per carry.
Lee Evans - After an extremely slow start, he has turned it on in the last couple of games. Look for that to continue.

John Kitna - He will have Mike Furrey and Az-Hakim as his starting WRs this week. What exactly does Mike Williams have to do to get some playing time? How about actually giving a damn.
Kevin Jones - Just when you thought that KJ had found his groove against the Packers and the Rams, he gives a terrible performance against the Vikings once again causing fantasy owners grief. The only thing to do with him is to look at the matchup and sit him against the stronger run defenses. Buffalo is giving about 113 and a TD per game.

If you thought the Panthers were done, think again. They are back and could go on a roll. Baltimore played like hell on Monday night against a much underrated Denver defense. Morgan is out for the year which should help Jamal and he needs all the help he can get.

Jake Delhomme - For the first time in his career, I have noticed that he doesn’t have tunnel vision. He is actually spreading the ball to more than one receiver. Ok, so it’s only two, but that’s better.
Keyshawn Johnson - He has been targeted about nine times a game and some owners were worried that once smith came back that would diminish. Well it hasn’t and Key makes a fine #2 or #3 on your squad.
Steve Smith - Since he has been back, he hasn’t missed a beat and the only thing that detracts from his value is Jake’s love of Me-Shawn’s height in the red zone.

Steve McNair - He is no longer Air McNair. He is Zephyr McNair. The guy just isn’t the same. He won’t lose a game like Boller will, but you can forget about getting any 300 yard games anymore.
Jamal Lewis - What happened to this guy? The way he runs, it seems like he would never get 2000 yards. He has as much power as a man in a committed relationship.
Todd Heap - if the Ravens want to have a successful offense, then they have to play to their strengths and I know that Mason and Clayton are quality receivers to an extent, but McNair just isn’t the same passer anymore. Targeting Heap more often would open up other aspects of that offense. Sometimes things can go unnoticed during winning streaks, but it’s the losses that tell you the most about your team.

Cincy is coming off their buy to face an angry and underachieving Buccs squad. Tampa almost went into New Orleans and won in a place where Atlanta got smoked. What does that tell you about the parity of this league. This is one of those sneaky games where a team without a win could get one at home if the visitors are not careful.

Carson Palmer - Teams have tried to shut him down by taking Chad out the gameplan. However, they didn’t realize that the Bengals have an extremely talented (albeit criminal at times) WR Corp. Start him every week.
Rudi Johnson - Throw out the game against the Steelers, he wasn’t needed and he has been a beast. Just a side note, Tampa is giving up 163 yards per game rushing. That is still over a hundred if you take out the Atlanta shellacking.
CJ - Now that teams have to give respect tot Housh and Co., CJ will start to make you remember why you drafted him.

Cadillac Williams - If Bruce Almighty can continue his poised play and Tampa can get a little more healthy on the line, you might be able to snag Caddy from the owner in your league at a very low price. Don’t get too excited though as his end of season schedule is filled with run stoppers. Cincy is giving up nearly 150 yards and 2 TD’s on the ground per game so far.
Joey Galloway - Joey has been a monster on the road so far this season and has done nothing at home. The Bengals pass defense has been pretty good only giving up 3 pass TD’s all year. I would sit him this week for better options.

Houston comes off the bye to take on the Cowboys in Dallas. The battle for Texas. Dallas lost a game in Philly that started to expose the problems that TO can bring to a team. It was reported that after the loss, TO stormed into the LOCKERROOM, and screamed, “Why the fuck did you bring me here, why am I here?” I give it until week 8 and Parcell’s top explodes. He may even punch out Jerry Jones for doing this to his team.

David Carr - The #1 rated passer. This should tell you how much the QB rating means. I will give it to him for his completion percentage, but he is only averaging a little over 200 yards a game and has been sacked 15 times.
Andre Johnson - He is the number one receiver in many fantasy leagues, at least by average. I would continue to play him, Houston will be trailing in most games and Andre is actually getting open with another viable receiver playing next to him.

Julius Jones - Julius is starting to be the player that he was supposed to be last year. I know it just kills you to see Marion Barber still stealing carries. BP seems to me to be trying to hard to find something that works rather than going out there and putting it on teams like he used to as a coach.
Jason Witten - He needs to be more involved, but also seems to be dropping a lot more balls than I remember.
TO - You wanted a big game from him, this week should be it. He needs it or my week 8 prediction could be much shorter.

Which Eli will show up this week? The indecisive and wild Eli or the poised and sharp Eli. The truth is no one ever knows. Atlanta was also on a bye last week and would like to continue their winning ways on the legs of the offense. There is certainly no arm there.

Eli Manning - I am quickly learning that Eli doesn’t like pressure. If you can jar him early, then it takes him awhile to get a rhythm back (usually 3 quarters). If he can get into a groove early, then he can roll you. Abraham and Kearney will do their best to smack him around.
Tiki - Tiki needs to stop doing commercials. He is really getting on my nerves. Atlanta stops the run about as good as they run the ball and have only given up 4 rushing first downs a game along with under 70 yards per game and 1 rushing TD all year, that was a WR run by Devery Henderson.
Jeremy Shockey - He might be a bigger crybaby than TO. Hey Shockey, how’s about playing some football you malcontent.
Plaxico Burress - He will always have good and bad games. Now you can see why Pittsburgh made him expendable. He just doesn’t show up all the time.

Michael Vick - IF he could learn to throw the ball, then Atlanta would almost be unstoppable. He can’t and won’t. They will still win games with their defense and rushing game, but they will never win the big one. I have conceded the fact that Vick does and will get fantasy stats, but I just don’t like the guy.
Warrick Dunn - Keep playing him while he is healthy. His workload is up from last year and it’s only a matter of time before he tweaks something.
Atlanta Receivers - When your QB averages about 130 yards per game passing, then there is nobody that you should be starting at receiver from this team sans Alge.

Philly shut TO up last week, at least during the game and came away with a needed victory in the NFC East. New Orleans needed a special teams score to beat the winless Buccaneers. Will the real New Orleans Saints please stand up? The Saints are that team that comes out of the gate on fire and begins to fizzle out around now.

Donovan McNabb - 1600 yards, 11 TD’s, 1 Int, 3 Rushing TD’s (two more than Vick) – Nufced. (Nufced is a trademark of PissahCorp, INC. and all of its holdings)
Westboogie - Gets little credit for his toughness, but plays with pain and plays well. New Orleans run defense has been beaten to the tune of 125 yards a game and teams just really cannot gameplan effectively to stop him.
Reggie Brown - The EAGLES finally have hit on a WR in the draft. It took them long enough. With Stallworth doubtful ( I know he would love to play his old mates) Brown will be the benefactor of one of the best throw deep balls in the game today.

Drew Brees - I still say that he is playing over his head and will look like a different QB with the pressure he’ll face this week.
Reggie Bush - He is only a good play in PPR leagues as he is Brees’ LT in New Orleans. He is on pace for 108 receptions. He cannot rush it up the middle in the NFL and it is much harder to get those corners as well.
Deuce McAlister - This is the guy teams should be worried about. One thing Reggie has done is open up holes for Deuce and he is positively taking advantage of that.
Joe Horn - Attention everyone, there was a Joe Horn sighting last week. With teams now able to gameplan for this Colston kid, expect Horn’s numbers to go up a bit. You can probably get him pretty cheap in a trade.

Seattle needed a bye last week but it is still likely without their star for this divisional matchup against the Rams. Don’t you just love how fast teams jump off the bandwagon when a team gets smacked. St Louis got a lucky break against the Packers when Favre fumbled away the chance at the tie. They need to play better this week to win against the ‘Hawks.

Matt Hasselback - I will never draft this guy and it is because he puts up good games against good teams and bad games against bad teams. You just never know what you are going to get with this guy. He should have a good game this week, but that means nothing when dealing with this guy.
Maurice Morris - Don’t sleep on this guy. I have said before that he could start for other teams in the NFL and you can be sure that Haslett knows that too.
Darrell Jackson - This game will be a high scoring game and D-Jax should see plenty of opportunities to score.

Marc Bulger - He has taken to Linehan's offense. This is easily the longest he has gone without throwing an interception. Prior to last season, St Louis has owned Seattle at home and this one should be another high scoring affair.
Steven Jackson - Seattle has played pretty well against the run....at home.
Tory Holt - The best WR in the game should have no problems making it 5 or even 6 TD's this week.

The Vince Young era is off to a great start and would have been even better if they pulled off the improbable upset against the vaunted Colts last week. One thing it did was expose the middle of the Colt’s defense as soft. Washington looked like a basement team against the Giants. Tennessee continues to make their claims on the top pick in next year’s draft this week at Washington.

Vince Young - Imagine the size of a young Culpepper with the legs of Vick. I fear that he has the passing ability of Vick as well. Only time will tell.
Drew Bennett - This was supposed to be a breakout year for him. Now his team runs the option half the time, LOL.

Mark Brunell - The Brunell soap opera continues in Washington. One weekend he is slinging and gunning it and the next he can’t complete a sentence let alone a pass.
Clinton Portis - He will be running all over the Titans. It should be almost comical.
Three Blind Mice - See how they run.

Sunday October 15th, 2006 4:15pm

KC has played well without their leader and took it to Arizona and San Fran. Now they get to face a Pittsburgh team that is in a must win situation after losing at San Diego.

Damon Huard - He has been playing great ball with nearly 500 yards in two games. Pittsburgh is not a cake team like the ones he has been facing. Welcome to reality Damon.
LJ - He was beetlejuiced last week at Arizona and missed the rest of the game. At that point he was one of the top RB’s for the week. He won’t miss any time and is a definite start as usual.

Big Ben - He is struggling right now and playing against a defense that is getting better each week is not a recipe for a turnaround. However this is a must win and at home. I wouldn’t expect any big numbers, but he will play better.
Willie Parker - FWP needs to turn on the jets to help the Steelers turn their season around
Najeh Davenport - He will provide more than people are expecting right now. Cowher has already said that his playing time will increase and fills that Bus role nicely. He will also help FWP by being the power to his finesse.
Hines Ward - Last year’s Super Bowl MVP has not lived up to billing thus far, thanks to the play of his QB. Once Ben settles down and stops trying to force passes, things will open up for Hines.

Joey Harrington looked better than C-Pep recently but still threw two crucial interceptions to give a short field to the under explosive Patriots last week. The Jets were starting to believe that they were actually a good team until they were completely shut down by Jacksonville who have been monsters at home so far.

Joey Harrington - I remember Joey Harrington road games. I needed a good laugh.
Ronnie Brown - A projected top 5 running back is currently sitting at 24th just one yard ahead of Michael Turner, a backup. The good news is that The Jets are giving up 150 yards rushing per game and a league high 11 rushing TD’s. Start him this week.
Chris Chambers - Do you remember all the WR’s Joey had in Detroit that he couldn’t complete passes to, and his line is worse here with all the injuries.

Chad Pennington - Miami still has a good defense and Pennington in his career averages about 10 fantasy points per game against the 'phins, that seems like a reasonable score for him this week
Leon Washington - No one knows when or if C-Mart is going to come back and right now Leon has the reigns in New York. If he can run for a hundred in a loss at Jax, then he is worth a start for me.
Laveranues Coles - He was complaining that he was on the bench too much last week and could have played more. He was leading the league in receptions earlier in the year and he should get back on track this week.
Brad Smith - Who is this guy? He plays WR/QB/RB. He is the reason why Coles was sat at times last week. He could eat into everyone’s playing time as Mangini seems to be falling in love this guy.

Marty finally let Rivers show what he can do with his arm against a tough defense and he showed Marty that he can throw. SD looks tough to beat. SF is heading in the opposite direction. Although it seemed as though Gore has gotten a grip on his fumbling, literally.

Philip Rivers - If he puts up solid numbers against Pitt, what do you think he can do against the Niners DB’s. Yeah, start him with glee.
LT - He has been giving up more carries to Turner than in years past. The reason is simple. If you have owned LT in the past few seasons, then you know about his poor play during the fantasy playoffs. Well this year, Marty is reducing the load where he can, so his horse is at full strength come stretch time and when you got a guy like Turner, it makes it so much easier.

Alex Smith - As good of a game he had last week, this one will be as bad as it could be. If you start him, expect to lose.
Frank Gore - The NFL’s leading rusher would be hard pressed to do well against the Number 1 defense in the league.

Sunday October 15th, 2006 8:15pm

I picked Oakland to win against San Fran, if they couldn’t do that, they definitely are not beating Denver. Nevertheless, in today’s NFL, anything can happen and especially in divisional games. Denver proved to me that Plummer is still their guy and that defense is fast.

Oakland QB- Whether it’s Brooks, Walter, or Tuimyassisaopen, it won’t matter. They will be handled
Lamont Jordan - Justin Fargas has looked good running the ball.
Mr. Complainer - Hey Randy, why don’t you go over the middle? Nah, didn’t think so.

Jake Plummer - He finally righted the ship at the end of the Monday night game. He will continue his resurgence against the Faiders.
Tatem Bell - Why did you draft Mike Bell so high? Did Quentin Griffen teach you nothing? Tatem will pass the century mark and score twice this weekend.
WR’s - I think that I will stay away from the Denver receivers from now on. Walker is the most solid play of any of them, but you never know when Rod is going to pop in there and get a TD. Also, Plummer seems to be throwing to Kircus a lot. Be-ware.

Monday October 16th, 2006 8:30pm

Chicago has the defense and offense to go undefeated. I still don’t feel like they have been truly tested sans Seattle. Like I stated earlier, while you are winning you don’t learn as much about your team than when you are losing and this team needs to have some hardship or could slip up in the end. Arizona, Hmmm, they are missing their top wideout, their o-line is terrible, they have a rookie QB and they are facing the best defense in the league. Yeah, good luck with that.

Rex Grossman - The guy has gone beyond everyone’s expectations. He will continue the onslaught this week.
Thomas Jones - Keep doubting him and he’ll keep running down team’s throats.
Bernard Berrian - Sorry Moose, Bernard is the main man in this high powered offense.

Matt Lienart - Welcome to the NFL Matt. Matt, meet the turf, turf, meet Matt.
Bryant Johnson - I was going to put him in the bye week pickups, but c’mon he is playing the bears.
Edge - You probably have to start him because he was a first round draft pick, but you know what to expect.

Top 10 QB’s for Week 6
1. Donavon McNabb
2. Matt Hasselback
3. Drew Bledsoe
4. Eli Manning
5. Marc Bulger
6. Michael Vick
7. Carson Palmer
8. Philip Rivers
9. Bruce Gradkowski
10. Rex Grossman

Top 10 RB’s for Week 6
1. LaDainian Tomlinson
2. Clinton Portis
3. Tatem Bell
4. Frank Gore
5. Ronnie Brown
6. Larry Johnson
7. Steven Jackson
8. Willis McGahee
9. Julius Jones
10. Brian Westbrook

Top 10 WR’s for Week 6
1. Torry Holt
2. Terrell Owens
3. Lee Evans
4. Chad Johnson
5. Andre Johnson
6. Darrell Jackson
7. Bernard Berrian
8. Terry Glenn
9. Javon Walker
10. Marques Colston

Sleeper of the WeekMichael Turner
I know that I already put him in the bye week fill-ins, but this one could get ugly fast and if that is the case, expect Turner to see a lot of action. With the porous run defense, he should still be able to get a ton of yards and a score.

Bust of the WeekTiki Barber
I know that I said that Tiki would be the bust last week and I was wrong, this week I am convinced that Atlanta’s vaunted run defense will hold him in check and force young Eli to beat them with his arm.

Another week down and closer to mid season we are. I would just like to remind everyone to use the save button whenever you can as while I was putting together this week’s syllabus, the power went out and I realized that I had not utilized the save feature in some time. Hence, I was forced to redo this entire composition. Just a word to the wise. I know that you have all come hear for advice to lead you to a fantasy championship and all that dough, but the best piece of advice I could give you is Always go with your gut and don’t look back.

......Professor Ellis D Trails

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