NUFCED by wikkidpissah

STOP RIGHT THERE!

You may not want to read another word. The management of LOCKERROOM has asked me to warn you that the Nufced column should be read for entertainment purposes only, if at all. I try to be amusing & original in my observations on weekly action but, for Fantasy Football talent evaluation, I must be considered a fraud. While I am 7-1 in my sucker $ leagues, in the four leagues (3 with Fanballers, 2 of those for dough) against people who have a rough idea what they’re doing, I’m 3-9 going into this week, and appear to be going 1-3 or 2-2 today.

How could such FLAMINGLOSERGENIUS go so far afield? Beside pure idiocy, I blame the writing I do on Fanball and for LR. My reputation is of one of strong, contrary opinions. I think that’s true but that don’t mean much when those opinions are so freakin’ WRONG. And I’m drafting based on what I have invested so much argument in, rather than money on. I advanced Edge as an option as good as any player outside the Big 3 – NOT, IN EXTREMIS. I’ve yet to see a SINGLE play in four games where he has looked to be a boon to his team. I parked Caddy as the best of the sophomore crop at the head of the 3rd tier, knowing full well that he’d be handed off to by the poster boy for Suckage himself & did not warn you or heed me. *slaps forehead*. And a posted prolifically in “size=6” gold letters that Reggie Bush was the WRATH OF GOD!!!! He hasn’t even been the wrath of Khan. Rushing TD’s for this tremendous trio? Zip, nada, bupkes and, worst of all, two less than Peyton Manning. Oy, gevalt!

So, listen to anything I say at your own risk, but here it is anyway.

BAL 16 SD 13

Good football game. Well-contested, hard hitting with an old vet leading a dramatic comeback. A pleasure to watch. Both teams will go far...I’m really liking MTurner as that bowling ball, Natrone Means kinda runner, but no WAY should he be in the backfield at the important points he was in this game. Don’t be an idiot, Schottsie....The Ravens really, really, REALLY need a 3rd down scatback. And Billick is not using his tiny twosome at WR in the Belichick way I thought he would. Therefore, they have no short passing game at all....Didn’t see a play to Gates the whole day – all progression dumpoffs.

BUF 17 MIN 12

Easily the best game of Losman’s career. The Bills out-Minny’d Minny as he led a totally self-contained conservative attack. Even though the game was too dull to pay that much attention to, I didn’t see JP throw one of his “huh?” passes all day....Far be it from me to suggest another RBBC situation, but they should think about throwing MeMo in on one of the 1st 2 downs every now & then. Haven’t seen them do it yet and Chet becomes more defensible each week. BJ doesn’t offer enough air support to override a predictable run game.

WASH 36 JAX 30 OT
Who woulda figured this to be the pinball game of the day?! Didn’t see no D played AT all....Lemme say this about small receivers. I am on record as saying that, if I ran an offense, I’d go with the waterbug types almost exclusively because they offer the greatest playcalling flexibility. As a FFB manager, though, gimme size. Because the advantage with midgets is almost entirely in the short game. Once you set that, then they might bust one but it’s just a fact that li’l guys have more nothin’ games than big guys. No better example than Santana Abraxdeyass – one monster, one mediocre, two invisible. Did it last year, too. Deal with it....Fred was a total puss all day – he should just not be paid when he acts/runs like that....Clintoris must be thiiiis close to rebusting that shoulder with all the breaks Gibbs gibbs him.

NE 38 CIN 13

A Brady-led team just don’t lose back-to-back games and can’t no one make em....Cinci had a totally gasless game in wk 4 last year, too....Dillon looked fine, but there’s a spark in the air when Maroney’s back there. His 1st TD, he knew, from 11 yds out, he was going in & exactly how he was gonna do it. That’s a verrrry special quality....Does Chris Henry make that much difference?!

DAL 45 TEN 14

There are a lot of fine WR tandems (especially Mutt & Jeff ones) in FB this yr, but I’d OD on the Dallas pair over any other.... Crikey – Vince must yank it even more than I do. He has the strongest wrist throw I’ve ever seen. Thing is, even Superman’s wrist throws don’t play in the Big Show. I wouldn’t feel bad bout a Titan future of he & Lendale, but the present is gonna be rough. VY aint close to understanding that the game is as fast as he is. Downgrade Bennett til he does, upgrade Troupe....First time since the Johnson era that da Boyz don’t have a major hole in their defensive backfield....I wouldn’t mind at all if Haynesworth was charged with assault, and I’m not usually that type.

CLE 24 OAK 21

Snoozer of the day. The Raiders came out playing well, especially on D and were sooo surprised they didn’t suck, their sigh of relief lasted the entire final 3 Qs of the game....Though my Charlie led his team to their 1st ’06 win, he took a step back in his progress....I knew Andy Walter was a project, but I never thought he’d look this confused. He was Tuiasosopawful today....Dont upgrade Rubes too much off this – he did most of it against a team that played back on their heels. That Brownie o-line is still abysmal.

STL 41 DET 34

Yet another just-enough-to-lose game from the Lions. The Lions have easily the worst pass D in the game. You can pass to set up the run against them, no sweat....Interesting revenge aspects to this game. Holt & Bruce did their best to make their old coach homesick and Mike Furrey was a serious nuisance to the team that tried to turn him into a DB last year....KJ and Royboy’s nice emergence into legit forces will go unnoticed amongst the rest of the mess, I fear.

INDY 31 NYJ 28

Hafta give Coach Mangina credit for leading perhaps the most spirited squad in football, but he has as much to learn about gamecalling as Vince Young. Not only did he give in to the impatience that all have learned to avoid when facing the Colts, but his RB rotation was the single most irritating thing I’ve seen this year. No strategic or situational aspect to it, he was just shuttling a new one in like he was sending in the play with them. Yeah, they all suck, but they would even if they didn’t under these terms....The Colts offense is a shadow of their former selves. At several points they coulda bitchslapped the Jets d, but couldn’t.

KC 41 SF 0

I know this ain’t a good Niners team, but they get a mulligan from me for today. KC got them out of their rhythm early with attacking defense (I think that’s gonna be their gameplan this yr) and SF just never got it back. Not total suckage, they just got in their won way a lot....Gotta give most of the credit for Huard’s play to Coach Edwards. I think that’s the 1st time I’ve given him credit for anything.

HOU 17 MIA 15

Can’t imagine being more surprised by anything than I am by the Phins level of suckage this season. I was gonna make a joke about Frerotte having kidnapped CPep and leading Miami in secret minstrel makeup, but it’s worse than that. For the joke to really work, it’d hafta be Bernie Kosar....In another brilliant prediction, I proclaimed far & wide that Chambers would be the best WR in the game in ’06. The C & C Lose-ic Factory had one completion in their 1st eight looks against a D that’s been giving up 500 yds/game this season....AJ looks verrry TO-ish out there finally. That’s a good thing btw.

CAR 21 NO 18

The Panthers probably have more of their personnel from two yrs ago than any team in the game, yet they look nothing like the ’04 team. How IS that?!....I’m sorry to have to say it, but I’ve yet to see anything from Bush that doesn’t scream “3rd down back”. Knock me over with a feather....This Colston kid is for real though – similar to what we thought VD was gonna be.

ARL 32 AZ 10

Hopefully, this game will have significance as the beginning of the Leinart area and the end of Phoenix as a sinkhole where good players go to lose. If not, the league should downsize Az & Det to India....How can it be that Dunn is a top 5 RB yet only the 3rd best runner on his own team?!....The Matt Age began with SuckAge – a sack, a fumble & an INT in like his 1st 5 plays....We’ve had RBBC, we even saw QBBC in Tenn b4 the Titans turned it over to VY. Now, we’ve got KBC in Georgia – ol’ Mort had 13 FGs, I think, to Keonens 11 or summin like that.

CHI 37 SEA 6

Eeyeeeew – maybe Soldier Field wasn’t the best place to begin the four wideout experiment. I think this proves for good & all that you have to run 1st against Da Bearss to have any chance....Can we give SA the MVP for how bad his team looked without him? Btw – did you see where Big Shaun showed up Wednesday announcing he & his crew had prayed his foot well? And, with TO’s OD, it wasn’t even the funniest story of the DAY! I LUUUUV THIS GAME!!!!

Play hard -