Thursday, December 14, 2006

Professor Ellis D Trails Week 15 Syllabus

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Professor Ellis D Trails Week 15 Syllabus

I have compiled some data from my main fantasy league. Standard scoring applies with 6 pt TD’s across the board and includes a PPR. To understand my madness, please see below. I clarify who you should take in the first round of your draft next year.




QB in the top 10

Drew Brees – 328pts
10 (games) of 13 (played) 15+ fantasy pts = 77% of games played
9 (games) of 13 (played) 25+ fantasy pts = 69% of games played

Peyton Manning – 308pts
12 of 13 15+ = 92%
4 of 13 25+ = 31%

Carson Palmer – 280pts
10 of 13 15+ = 77%
5 of 13 25+ = 38%
1 of 13 5 and under – 8 %

Mark Bulger – 270pts
8 of 13 15+ = 62%
4 of 13 25+ = 31%

Michael Vick – 263pts
11 of 13 15+ = 85%
3 of 13 25+ = 23%

Donavon McNabb – 250pts
8 of 9 15+ = 89%
6 of 9 25+ = 67%

Tom Brady – 243pts
11 of 13 15+ = 85%
2 of 13 25+ = 15%

Brett Favre – 236pts
8 of 13 15+ = 62%
4 of 13 25+ = 31%
3 games of 5 or under = 23%

Philip Rivers - 237pts
8 of 13 15+ = 62%
3 of 13 25+ = 23%
1 game under 5

Eli Manning – 233pts
8 of 13 15+ = 62%
4 of 13 25+ = 31%

94 of 117 = 80% post 15+ performances
40 of 117 = 34% post 25+ performances
Top to bottom +95
Average score of 265



RB in the top 10

LT – 416 pts
10 of 13 15+ = 77%
10 of 13 25+ = 77%
10 of 13 29+ = 77%
8 of 13 31+ = 62%
5 of 13 40+ = 38%

52 receptions

Steven Jackson – 298 pts
9 of 13 15+ = 69%
5 of 13 25+ = 38%

82 receptions

Larry Johnson – 292pts
11 of 13 15+ = 85%
4 of 13 25+ = 31%

33 receptions

Westbrook – 271pts
11 of 13 15+ = 85%
6 of 13 25+ = 46%

69 receptions

Frank Gore – 241pts
7 of 13 15+ = 54%
3 of 13 25+ = 23%

49 receptions

Willie Parker – 236pts
9 of 13 15+ = 69%
4 of 13 25+ = 31%

29 receptions

Reggie Bush – 216pts
6 of 13 15+ = 46%
3 of 13 25+ = 23%
80 receptions

Kevin Jones – 215pts
8 of 12 15+ = 67%
4 of 12 25+ = 33%

61 receptions

Tiki Barber – 212pts
9 of 13 15+ = 69%
1 of 13 25+ = 8%

47 receptions

Maurice Drew – 192pts
6 of 13 15+ = 46%
1 of 13 25+ = 8%

33 receptions

Chester Taylor – 191pts
8 of 12 15+ = 67%
1 of 12 25+ = 8%

85 of 130 65%
42 of 130 32%
225 top to bottom
240 average



WR in the top 10

Chad Johnson – 240pts
7 of 13 15+ = 54%
2 of 13 25+ = 15%

Tory Holt – 230pts
6 of 13 15+ = 46%
3 of 13 25+ = 23%

Reggie Wayne – 228pts
7 of 13 15+ = 54%
2 of 13 25+ = 15%

Andre Johnson – 222pts
9 of 13 15+ = 69%
3 of 13 25+ = 23%

Donald Driver – 221pts
7 of 13 15+ = 54%
3 of 13 25+ = 23%

Terrell Owens – 218pts
8 of 13 15+ = 62%
1 of 13 25+ = 8%

Darrell Jackson – 213pts
9 of 13 15+ = 69%
1 of 13 25+ = 8%

Steve Smith – 213pts
8 of 11 15+ = 73%
2 of 11 25+ = 18%

Marvin Harrison – 212pts
7 of 13 15+ = 54%
3 of 13 25+ = 23%

TJ Houshmanzadeh – 205pts
8 of 11 15+ = 73%
4 of 11 25+ = 36%

69 of 126 = 55% 15+
24 of 126 = 19% 25+
35 top to bottom
220 average



Should you take a QB in the first round, or wait?
Is the RB the obvious choice still?
Should you take a WR in the top Ten?

Although QB’s do score more consistently and have a higher average than RB’s, they still do not take their place in fantasy importance. The drop-off from 1-10 is far greater in RB than in QB and most if not all leagues require at least two RB’s while most leagues employ the one QB system. With only a difference of 6 pts per game from top to bottom as opposed to a 14 pt swing per game from top RB to #10. Can you imagine the drop-off to # 20. You need the backs to win.

You have to ask yourself, Do you want to have the possibility of a top 3 QB along with 1 top 20 RB and a starting RB that you hope can do something or grab two top 20 backs and grab a QB in like round 5 or later that would only give you around 3 pts less per game at QB than if you would have grabbed Manning in the first. Obviously, in non-PPR leagues, QB’s take on a little more importance, but leagues without PPR tend to also only use 4 pt passing TD’s to balance. No matter how you slice it, you have to take a running back with at least the first and probably the second as well.

Never take a WR in the first round. They don’t consistently put up points to warrant such a high pick. That is including the top tier players. Target a top 5-10 WR in the third round or later and then pick guys based solely on matchups in mid-later rounds. I have drafted Donald Driver the past two seasons fairly late and have picked up guys like Colston this year.

There will always be aberrations and exceptions to the rule, but 8 or 9 times out of ten the championship is given to the guy with two things going for him.
1. Solid starting RB’s
2. Balance
Starting backs give the team a core point total each week to build around with a balanced scoring team rather than sticking all the eggs into a powerhouse QB, WR and one viable stud back, maybe.

SF @ SEA
Seattle can wrap it up.

Gore – He is a yard monster. He gets so many long runs that he is winded and misses plays in the red zone.
SA – If he can’t score this week, I give up
D-Jax - He is out fool.

DAL @ ATL
Atlanta has won 2 in a row and 3 of the boys 4 losses are on the road. This year in the NFL, that pretty much means nothing.

Romo – Has the balloon deflated yet?
MB3 – two TD’s
TO - So Lonely, Oh So Lonely. What a bag of horse piss.

Vick – Remember when the falcon’s were 5-2, Vick remains to be overrated and overpaid and Falcon’s keep defending him and they are about to miss the playoffs AGAIN.
Who is their running back? – Griffith?

PHI @ NYG
Both teams look to make a playoff push.

Garcia – He is quick plug in against a defense that allowed Grossman to keep his job.

Westbrook – must start

Eli – I love watching him fail and with almost no oline, that is not difficult.
Tiki – The Eagles cannot even stop the run in wins.
Jacobs – TD man

CLE @ BAL
The Browns suck and Baltimore will face the Chargers for the REAL superbowl in the AFC this year.

McNair – It shouldn’t take much offense to win this one and the Ravens usually play down to their opponents.


DET @ GB
Aside from fantasy football, the only people that care about this game are Green Bay fans.

Kitna – He gets points.

Favre – Golden Boy is playing for that TD record.

HOU @ NE
This one is a laugher

Brady – Still pretty consistent, has a great matchup this week. Owned Jason Taylor in his press conference response to the Miami DE et al. discussing whether they did or did not know the snap count.


JAX @ TEN
Tennessee might be playing the best ball in the league with wins over Philly, Giants & Indy and almost winning against Baltimore. Jax doesn’t show up sometimes on the road.

Jones-Drew – He’s a bullet through that line and scoring like crazy.

Vinsanity - The guy is obviously playing above himself right now, but he is sure fun to watch.

MIA @ BUF
Miami is just about the only team as hot as the Titans beating New England, Minnesota & at Chicago. Buffalo needs two out of three to get to .500.

Lee Evans – Deceiving #’s with big games in between very mediocre ones.
Miami Defense - Seem to have Tom Brady figured out, these guys should give at least the other weeks to other QB's. David Garrard threw for 269 and 2 TD's.

NYJ @ MIN
The Jets are Vikings are both trying to sneak into the playoffs and most likely neither will.

Artose Pinner, are you serious?

PIT @ CAR
Pitt is done and Carolina is about to be.

Steve Smith – He only player worth anything in this game aside from FWP, of course.

TBB @ CHI
The Buccs are only a game away from the #1 pick. The Bears have played up and down, but still should be the #1 seed in the NFC.

No one should have any good fantasy performances out of this game, but it will probably end up 45-40.

WAS @ NO
Brees proved me wrong and I admit it. The guy is lights out and easily the best passer in the league this year. Only Donavon was close before he got hurt. Washington has one of the worst pass defenses.

Three Blind Mice – See how they run.

Reggie Bush – Aside from the one huge game, he has had a couple of good ones. He has been more consistent of late.
Joe Horn - He won't play the rest of the season, he will be healthy for the Real Playoffs.

DEN @ ARI
Cutler gets to face an awful pass defense and will show why Shanny picked him.

Walker – I see big numbers this week

Edge – Has two good games in a row and that ends this week.

STL @ OAK
St Louis completely choked after the fast start and now gets to face the most surprising pass defense this year

Steven Jackson – You have to start Holt and even Bulger, but Steven Jackson should the benefactor of points this week.

KC @ SD
The Chiefs are holding on by a thread and San Diego is rolling. LJ needs to turn in an LT game this week.

Simple Start Both RB’s

LT - 31 TD's in 13 games. That's it. It quiets anyone who says that old records were only 14 games. This record makes Druggie Taylor LT2. Amazing.

CIN @ IND
Shootout in Indy is what is expected and if you like scoring you will be happy. Indy cannot tackle and the best way to keep Manning out of the endzone is to not give him the ball.

Start Palmer, Rudi, Chad, TJ, Peyton, Wayne, Harrison,not Addai-he ain't playing, even Reggie Kelly.

I know that if you made it this far, you are savvy enough to know about the players who play and the players who watch. Always go with your gut and don’t look back.

Professor Ellis D Trails

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

EXIT......STAGE LEFT

join in the fun, jump on the band wagon & get in on the ground floor.... 2 didget member #s still available, so hurry up.

The revolution of Fanball has begun...

go to www.rockyssports.com, and join wikkid pissah, long shotz me, and a host of others, who have left the oppression behind!!!!!

Sandinista Rock!!!

Monday, December 11, 2006

NUFCED by wikkidpissah

i can be found prowling the forums at www.rockyssports.com from now on. nufced

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Professor Ellis D Trails Week 13 Syllabus




We have arrived at the two most critical weeks in terms of fantasy importance. Playoffs are almost upon us and we are either a win away from being in or being eliminated. I myself have either made it into or are very close to clinching playoffs in all of my money leagues. I play in one league where it is best record wins. I have a 4 game lead with five to go. Most of you come to class to learn about the nuances that gives you the gumption necessary to decide on whom to go with on Sunday of Monday and now Thursday. Tony Romo is the new flavor and is ranked in the top 5 among the leagues QB’s already in some places (ESPN) where obvious observations are pawned on us as some kind of meaningful analysis. As soon as he tanks in a game, people will start calling him a bust. Ahh, the fickle fate of fantasy football. I heard that Romo is dating Jessica Simpson and that his people called her people saying he had a crush, here's how it really happened.

Tony Romo is sitting around in his living room and he sees that Direct TV commercial with Jessica Simpson. He then calls his agent.

Tony (to his agent): Man I want to bang that Jessica Simpson
Agent: Yeah that would be sweet.
Tony: She is single now right?
Agent: Oh Yeahh
Tony: Damn she is hot, tell you what let’s send her people a message that I have a crush on here.
Agent: yeah, that might actually work.
Tony: I know, damn I can’t wait to tap that.
Agent: Done deal

Aside from that we have convened today to gaze upon this week’s games with an even more keen interest than in previous weeks due to the importance stated above. Without further a due:


Thursday November 30th, 2006

BAL @ CIN
Baltimore is rolling under Billick and Lewis is a reliable back again bank it. Cincinnati was able win two games in a row on the road and look to cut into Baltimore’s 3 game lead Thursday Night.

Steve McNair - The Ravens can clinch the division with a win this week and McNair needs an efficient game for this to happen. The Ravens beat the Bengals at home by getting off to a quick start and barely was able to keep the Bengals at bay.
J-Lew - With 5 of his 6 TD’s for the season coming in the last 4 games. Lewis is back and you should be confident in starting him against a defense that has only given up fewer rushing TD’s than Indy and the Jets.

Carson Palmer - Carson has 9 TD’s and 2 Int’s in his last three games and always plays well against Baltimore. The Bengals need this game and I don’t see Carson disappointing.
Rudi Johnson - After not getting 20 carries in 3 games, he has gotten over 20 in his last two, both wins. Baltimore has been lights out vs. the run and I wouldn’t expect much more than 50-60 yards and a possible score.
Chad Johnson - People think that his recent surge in stats is due to him playing better, well he may, but teams are finally starting to give respect to the other receivers. Now as long as Henry can stay off the police blogger, his stats should continue to shine.


Sunday December 3rd, 2006

ARI @ STL
Arizona has two wins and neither of them is on the road. St Louis, after starting the season 4-1 has dropped 5 of 6. If they want to compete, they have to run the table. Pace’s absence is huge in more ways than one.

Matt Leinart - He is still going through some growing pains dealing with a good offense that is being held back by poor play up front. St Louis has played surprisingly well against the pass and we all know Arizona cannot run the ball.
Boldin and Fitz - As long as Arizona continues to trail in games, these two will thrive and are must starts.

Marc Bulger - Ever since Pace has been out, Bulger has had little or no time to throw the ball, hurting himself as well as Tory Holt.
Steven Jackson - It is good to see that Jackson is still racking up the fantasy points with Pace out.

ATL @ WAS
Atlanta’s only two wins in the last seven have come by a total of 5 points and have lost by two touchdowns 5 times. Maybe now people will start realizing that Vick will never win in this league. Washington is an enigma that is fit for this parity of a league we call the NFL.

Michael Vick - He may not be able to win games, but he can score fantasy points.
Warrick Dunn - He is on pace for the most carries in his career. He has gone over 60 yards twice since week seven but never more than 73. Hello wall.

Jason Campbell - People are so riled up over Romo that they are glossing over Campbell who lost a close one on the road against Tampa and then wins against a Carolina team that had won 6 of 8. He has 4 TD’s and only 1 Int in 2 games. If he has a good game this week, maybe ESPN will rank him fifth only 4 slots behind the best QB in the league Tony Romo.
Three Blind Mice - See how they run.
Chris Cooley - He has seen his looks increase with Campbell in and looks to revisit his heroics of last year’s playoffs.

DET @ NE
Detroit stinks and wins an occasional home game. This week they go one the road against a Patriot team that is getting ready for the time of the year they save their best efforts for.

Roy Williams - He is the only guy worth starting on the road for the Lions, especially against the Patriots.

Tom Brady - Since his debacle against the Colts, he has been on point. Now that we are in December, your confidence in him should be growing.
Laurence Maroney - He is the star at RB in New England, too bad there is this other guy that gets in the way of it sometimes.
Ben Watson - He is finally becoming the receiver we all wanted since the beginning of the season with all 3 of his TD’s coming in the last five weeks and has averaged almost 14 pts per contest since the bye week.

IND @ TEN
Indy had fun rolling over the Eagles last week on Sunday night and now get to play a feisty Tennessee team that came back to upset the falling Giants. Indy better watch out or they could get caught. However, with a win, they wrap up the division

Peyton Manning - He hasn’t really had a Peyton big week in about 3 weeks. Look out.
Joe Addai - I have been calling this guys bust out game for weeks now and I should have known that it would have been against the Eagles. The Titans couldn’t stop a RB if they were paid to, err uh.., they do get paid. It sure doesn’t look that way.
Marvin Harrison - Here is another one from the weird file. In the Colt’s even games this year Marvin has averaged 7 catches for 104 yards and 4 total TD’s, but in the Colt’s odd games he is averaging 4 catches for 50.5 yards and 1 TD all season. This is the 12TH game for the Colts. If you are a trend guy, Start Marvin Harrison this week. (as if you would bench him). He also still has more catches this year than Reggie Wayne.

Travis Henry - He is easily the number one guy in Tennessee and if there is any week to play him, it would be this week against a very poor Indy run defense. I would just hope that Tennessee doesn’t get behind too fast.

KC @ CLE
The Chiefs are hanging on to the top WC spot barely and would like to keep that spot by taking out a Cleveland team that was embarrassed by the Bengals.

Larry Johnson - He has scored in every game since week 2 and put up 150+ on Denver. Enjoy having against a defense that has given up the second most 20+ yard plays on the ground.

Kellen Winslow - The leading receiver among TE’s has finally arrived. Now if he could get a QB that could throw it to him more.

MIN @ CHI
Minnesota stops the run as good as how bad they stop the pass. It is amazing how good they play in one aspect of the game to have the same players play so bad in another area. Chicago wants to knock Minnesota farther down and come to just one game away from clinching home field in the playoffs.

Chester Taylor - He played fairly well when these two teams first met, but don’t expect much.

Rex Grossman - Up and down Rex should be back up again this week.
Bernard Berrian - I see two or three deep ones caught against this poor secondary.

NYJ @ GB
The Jets are holding on for life during a season in which no one gave them any chance. They are currently tied with the Bengals and Jaguars one game behind the Broncos and Chiefs. Dare I say the Jets have a chance? At 4-7, it is spoiler time for Green Bay and with each passing week we shall here more about the impending retirement or lack thereof referring, of course, to the Legend Brett Faaaavvreeee.

Chad Pennington - Comeback player of the year.
Laveranues Coles - He is sure glad that Penny came back and didn’t get hurt again. Do you remember all those people who said that Santana Moss was way better than Coles after last year and the Redskins got the better deal? Those people don’t exist anymore. LOL

Brett Favre - I know Brett should retire because On Monday night I saw a different Favre than I can remember. One that was shaking his head and throwing his arms up in disbelief. Some of them throws looked terrible and just thrown up for grabs. He’ll be back though; it is all about the record now.
Ahman Green - He still can play against teams that can’t stop the run and the Jets fit that category to a tee.
Donald Driver - two yards behind Steve Smith for 5th in the league in yards. There are people that say he is not a viable #1 WR, which lets me snag him as a two every year.

SD @ BUF
San Diego is really setting themselves apart from the pack and now get Merriman back for the stretch run. They are so fun to watch and Rivers is playing like a Vet. Buffalo has played well recently, but it may be too little too late.

Philip Rivers - He plays well, but you don’t really need him when you have LT.
LT - Buffalo gives up nearly 140 yards per game on the ground. I see another 3 TD game.

JP Loseman - I’ll be the first to admit JP has far exceeded my expectations for this season, but Merriman is back and you know he is hungry for some QB meat.
Willis McGahee - Hey, a good run defense, time for Willis to run and hide.
Lee Evans - He wishes he could play Houston every week.

SF @ NO
San Fran has won 3 of 4 and New Orleans has lost 2 of 3. Buck the trend here and watch Brees lead the Saints to victory.

Alex Smith - New Orleans has not given up very many yards through the air, but don’t let that fool you. Only Washington and Tampa have given up more scores through
Frank Gore - How bad is Kevan Barlow? Gore is definitely a trooper; he has fought through a number of injuries this year and missed minimal game time. He is carrying them and with a few upsets could surprise everyone. They are only one game out of the struggling Giants and surging Panthers.

Drew Brees - He has 500 more yards passing than Peyton Manning and I bet that he was not a first round pick.
Devery Henderson - If Colston plays, then this guy is just a flavor and flavors rarely produce in consecutive weeks. If Colston doesn’t play, he makes a good go as Horn is still nursing a hammy.

JAX @ MIA
Jacksonville can feel their game slipping from them. They lose to Houston and then beat the Giants. Their only road win this year came at Philly, not exactly a juggernaut. Miami is undefeated since the bye and need to win out to even think about having a shot at the playoffs. Which teams will show up this week?

David Garrard - Miami stops the pass almost as well as the Jaguars do and Garrard has been struggling lately.
Taylor and Drew - The Phins play well against the run especially at home and this game may come down to a defensive score.

Joey Harrington - Harrington had his best game of the season on Thanksgiving against the Lions and now gets to play a real defense. Interception time. LOL
Sammy Morris - If you are starting Morris, that means you are having injury problems. Don’t be mad when he gets you about 50 yards and that’s it.
Marty Booker - He has been a hot pickup this week and my question is WHY?

HOU @ OAK
Does anyone even care about this game? Does any team have anyone starting on their team in this game besides Andre Johnson, who btw, leads the league in receptions by 20? Moulds was a godsend to this kid’s career.

DAL @ NYG
Matchup of the Week. The Cowboys are on fire and TO is quiet. Oops, I spoke to soon. TO criticized the team for cutting Mike Vanderjagt. A decision that was made by BP himself. Guess someone got tired of Romo stealing the spotlight. Eli is playing like the lost Manning brother and looks downright terrible as the head coach and players seem to have a rocky relationship at best. To stay with the way things have gone this year, Eli has his best game of the year and Romo tanks in New York.

Tony Romo - He has played extremely well in his first few games of his young career, mostly against scrub teams. I would beware of this game as it spells huge letdown for everybody on the Romo bus.
TO - All that crap and he is second in the league in TD receptions. Whatever you say about him, he gets the job done.

Eli Manning - Now that everyone has anointed him bust, he will come out this week and smash them Cowboys.
Tiki Barber - He will be fired up himself to stick it to Coughlin. He will drive it down so Jacobs can stick it in.
Plaxico Burress - He isn’t even the biggest crybaby on this team. (Shockey)

TB @ PIT
I know teams should never tank, but Tampa has few options. Right now they sit at 5th pick in the draft. They still have Seattle, Chicago and even Atlanta on their schedule. The best they could do is win out and finish .500. The only thing that accomplishes another mid first round guess player. Or, they could lose out and be fighting for a top spot. Maybe it comes down to whether Gradkowksi can win. If he wins, then they go after a player and if he loses they might be going after Quinn. One thing they need is some stability on the Line. Pitt is the most disappointing team this season. I just don’t think that a guy that came in and won like 90% of his games in his first two seasons can turn out this bad. Someone should tell Romo owners to beware. Shit play can come at any time.

Bruce Gradkowski - Is it me or does this guy look like Dave Attell? He just looks old to me. I know he isn’t, but he just looks like an old guy.
Caddy - Before you lose all hope on him, I know he only has two 100 yard games, but he does have 3 near 100 yard games including last week against Dallas where he had 73yards on 17 carries. That does however mark the 8th time in 11 games in which Caddy had gotten fewer than 20 carries. His yardage in the games in which he received 20+ carries are – 84 vs. Philly, 111 vs. NO & 122 vs. WAS. John really needs to get a line and give him the ball. That’s how you win road games in the NFL.

Ben Rosvcxoiiowejashiuehrufhweuhrfeherger - I wonder how many Pittsburgh fans suffered in Fantasy because of false hopes in this shell of a QB?
Willie Parker - He had his TD streak snapped last weekend against a fierce Raven defense that seems to be playing possessed lately. Tampa’s run defense has given up a few big plays, but is better against the run than the stats show.
Hines Ward - I was ready to say some stuff about him in the beginning of the season about him holding out and not being worth it, but he has been the man for most of this season and is 8th in the league TD’s, in a relatively low scoring year for WR’s in which Darrell Jackson is the leader thru 11 games with 9 TD’s, with 6 himself. That being said, obviously his surgery on his knee will keep him out this week, but he hopes to be back next week. I say with the season over, IR him and let him heal.

SEA @ DEN
Seattle’s injuries have put them in a precarious place, although as good as they could have thought, given some of the play by the replacements. They are comfortable in the west, thanks to the Rams complete collapse, and looking to gear up for the playoffs. In contrast, Denver has the exact same record as Seattle, but instead of enjoying a 2 game lead, they are 2 games out and hanging on to the last playoff spot. AFC still has the NFC’s number.

Matt Hass - He looked better in the second half on Monday night, but that was after the snow stopped and he could see the field. At that point it wasn’t even a game.
SA - He is back and I don’t care if they give him the ball 40 times every game, that means more yards for me.
Darrell Jackson - This guy has Seneca Wallace as his QB for four games and is still leading the league in TD receptions.

Jay Cutler - He came in on his day off to get ready for this week’s game. You know Seattle will blitz. He should be shaky in the beginning. You know Denver’s defense is going to keep it close, but Cutler to Walker could be the next big hookup in the league.
Turf Toe Bell - Tatem has always played well in Denver and if he truly is healthy*** See bottom then he could help take pressure off of Cutler.
Javon Walker - It really all depends on how long it takes Cutler to settle in. You can’t really sit him though.

Monday December 4th, 2006

CAR @ PHI
Two teams going in opposite directions. One winning and getting better and one losing games and hope. Carolina would love to have a road win especially with two crucial road games at the end of the season against division foes. If Philly is going to do anything it starts with this game, if they don’t they can kiss this season good-bye. I now consider Donavon McNabb injury prone. 3 completely different season ending surgeries.

Jake Dehomme - I don’t see much out of Jake. They should just do what every team does. The Eagles have given up 200 yards rushing in 3 of the last 4 games. In the other they gave up 143. The Colts scored over 40 and Peyton only threw 20 passes.
DeAngelo Williams - If the Panthers were smart they would just hand off the ball to him the entire game. DeShaun Foster is no good.
Steve Smith - When Delhomme does pass, this guy will be getting the ball.

Jeff Garcia - He was supposedly injured at the end of the last game and that is why Feeley came in. Yeah, ok, whatever. He should be pulled again after an injury when the Eagles are trailing by 20 and Peppers has his 3 rd sack and it isn’t even halftime.
Brian Westbrook - He is still reliable especially in PPR leagues. He has gotten over 20 carries for three games in a row and became the first Eagle to have three straight 100 yard rushing games since Wilbert Montgomery.

Top 10 QB’ for Week 13
1. Peyton Manning
2. Michael Vick
3. Drew Brees
4. Chad Pennington
5. Tom Brady
6. Carson Palmer
7. Marc Bulger
8. Brett Favre
9. Matt Leinart
10. Rex Grossman

Top 10 RB’s for Week 13
1. LT
2. LJ
3. S-Jax
4. Brian Westbrook
5. Frank Gore
6. Joe Addai
7. Ahman Green
8. Jamal Lewis
9. Travis Henry
10. Tiki Barber

Top Ten WR’s for Week 13
1. Laveranues Coles
2. Donald Driver
3. Larry Fitzgerald
4. Marvin Harrison
5. Steve Smith
6. Chad Johnson
7. Tory Holt
8. Reggie Wayne
9. Marques Colston (if he plays)
10. Javon Walker


Now on a side note, I know you know but Joe Thiesmann is a moron, that whole thing about how it takes one quarter for every game missed “incite” was anything but. He makes want to chew on tacks and put them into my eyes to ease the pain he causes my brain. Also, the only thing worse than the way Bryant Gumbel describes a football game are those AWFUL, celebrity/sports player sit in. I thought Mike Tirico was going to ask Jeff Gordon what kind of motor oil he uses. Seriously, has that guy ever conducted any sort of an interview and. The only saving grace is Tony K. He is pretty terrible as a color guy, but he great as a guy that sticks it to Thiesmann and calls him out when he says something that is completely backwards. That and that he always talks about fantasy football.

Random Joe Theismann Quote

“It’s hard to believe, but [Peyton] Manning wouldn’t be nearly as great a quarterback without James in the backfield taking pressure off him and giving him options.”

I absolutely cannot stand that guy. Good Luck on all your decisive games this weekend and now, more so than ever, Always go with your gut and don’t look back.

…………………..Professor Ellis D Trails

***HA HA HA, You actually looked. Tatem Bell Sucks, he will never be healthy. Go ahead start him. HA HA HA

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Professor Ellis D Trails Week 11 Syllabus




Professor Ellis D Trails Week 11 Syllabus

Your Professor is back again this week for all your fantasy prognostications. After last week, I now know one thing for certain, that football is about as predictable as an episode of Lost. We are gearing up for the playoff run in reality and fantasy. The race is wide open in the NFL this year and it seems to be more wide open with each passing year. Most of the leagues trade deadlines have passed and now begins the race for the championship. On to this week’s games as it’s crunch time and I know you are here for the information that will bring you one step closer to your goal.

Sunday November 18, 2006

TEN @ PHI
Tennessee was killing the Ravens before they choked last week. Philly got back in the winning ways and ended both Portis and Brunell’s seasons, one from their play and one because of a broken hand.

Vince Young - The Eagles have the right defense to stop mobile QB’s.
Travis Henry - If the Titans stay committed to the run, he will have some room to roam.

D-Mac - Like you need any more incentive than the Titan’s pass defense to play McNabb this week
Westy - He is getting reps in practice and will get his normal 18-20 in PPR leagues.
Reggie Brown - Where have you been Reggie? He has very few catches in the past few games. He is still young and will turn it around with Stallworth back in the lineup.
Donte Stallworth - He has the ability and QB to score deep every game.

ATL @ BAL
Vick came back to earth as I knew he would. After 3 games and throwing 7 TD’s, people were giving Vick the MVP award and with two stinkers against Cleveland and Detroit, he is lucky to be playing the position. Baltimore once again wins a close one in the end.

Vick - Will Vick turn it around this week? Not Likely.
Dunn - He hasn’t gone over 100 yards since week 6.

McNair - Atlanta’s defense is hurting, but it still isn’t as bad as Tennessee. Average numbers at best for him this week.
Jamal Lewis - I am sick of supporting this has been
Derrick Mason - I said that since Billick was calling the plays, Mason’s #’ would increase. He has had averaged 5 catches a game in the last three and scored his first TD of the season.

BUF @ HOU
Buffalo came close to knocking off the Colts last weekend, but the offense could only muster FG’s which was their downfall. Houston has played better recently, but always finds a way to not win.

JP Losman - He has his worst games on the road where he averages 130 yards passing and has 4 of his 6 Int’s.
Lee Evans - In something you may not expect, Evans actually has better games on the road even with Loseman’s struggles. He posts his two highest catch totals on the road this year and one of his TD’s. Also, 3 of his 5 best games this season have come on the road with only two really poor games in 5, these being the first two games of the season.

CHI @ NYJ
Chicago look mediocre until the second half of last week’s game against the Giants and now get to play their second week in a row at the Meadowlands. The Jets are coming off a great win at New England last week and with an upset by Green Bay this week would share first place with a win.

Rex Grossman - Last week’s game was the first multiple TD game and it started out bad until the second half injuries took their toll on the Giants D. Grossman isn’t his best on the road where he has 8 of his 11 Int’s and at least one in every road game.
Thomas Jones - Grossman doesn’t play well on the road for the most part and the Jets run defense is terrible. He is the key to the Bears success this week.

Chad Pennington - He is a finalist for comeback player of the year with Ahman Green, no doubt. However, he hasn’t had a 300 yard game since week 2 and hasn’t had a 200 yard game since week 4, all the while throwing 4TD’s and 7 Int’s in his last 5.
Laveranues Coles - Outside of that great performance against Miami, he hasn’t done much since week 4 either.

CIN @ NO
The Bengals played like shit in the second half on defense against the Chargers and deserved to lose. Drew Brees is putting up MVP #’s and then they give away a game to Willie Parker and the Steelers.

Carson Palmer - I hope all you that benched Carson Palmer last week realized why you don’t do that.
Rudi Johnson - Rudi has now scored in three straight games against BAL, ATL & SD, all teams that allow less than one TD a game rushing. New Orleans gives up about 130 yds/game on the ground.
Chad Johnson - He finally got off the schnide in a big way last week. I was like save some for the rest of the year Chad, but I guess he was just trying to make up for lost time.

Drew Brees - He has 5 300 yard games and three in a row. He has 10 TD passes in 4 games and should use his accuracy to exploit a defense that was torn apart by his replacement in San Diego.
Reggie Bush - He scored his first TD from scrimmage last week. Woo freaking Hoo. He is still only averaging 2.8 yards per carry.
Marques Colston - League leader in yards and tied for third in receptions as well as leading in TD’s. Not bad for a rookie and must start on your team.

MIN @ MIA
Minnesota’s offense is terrible. Richardson is hurting and so is Hutchinson. They better start scoring some points. Miami has now won two in a row for the first time all season. Their defense is playing better and better and is playing well enough to overcome any mistakes made by Joey.

Brad Johnson - Brad Johnson is the real reason that Minnesota is struggling. He makes poor decisions leading the way to 5 TD’s versus 9 Int’s (1 TD and 5 Int’s in the last 3 games against the likes of SF and GB).
Chester Taylor - Only Larry Johnson and Edgerrin James have more carries than Chester and while he has a good amount of yardage, only Julius Jones and Jamal Lewis have fewer TD’s than Chester in the top 15 in regards to players with the most carries in the league.

Ronnie Brown - Minnesota’s run defense is still #1 and the only team giving up less than 3 yards per carry. It doesn’t look good for Ronnie this week.

NE @ GB
New England could not overcome mistakes and the weather in a loss to the Jets and will come out firing against a poor passing defender that is the Packers. Green Bay took out Minnesota on the road which has been no easy task for them in recent memory. They have won 3 out 4 games since their bye and are playing pretty good football on both sides of the ball right now.

Tom Brady - He was obviously frustrated last week and should bounce back nicely.
Reche Caldwell - He is about as close as New England has as a go to guy receiver for Brady with 3 games out of the last 4 with at least 5 catches and two total TD’s.

Brett Favre - GB’s line is playing much better than last year. Brett has thrown a fourth on the Int’s from last year and been sacked only 11 times all season.
Donald Driver - He continues his reign as one of the most underrated receivers in fantasy. He is not for me though.

OAK @ KC
Oakland is struggling again and now it will be Brooks turn again in the game of the new old QB’s as Green returns from la la land and he can thank a poor performance by Huard against Miami for that.

Brooks - He sucked before the injury and he will suck now.
Lamont “I went from dud to stud to dud in 2+ years” Jordan – His name says it all.
Randy Moss - It really doesn’t matter who the QB is, when your coach won’t throw it deep.

Trent Green - Welcome back against the # 3 pass defense. This game belongs to LJ.
LJ - 7 Total TD’s in 4 games against Oakland in his career. Start him happily.

PIT @ CLE
Pittsburgh is 3-6 and hanging on for dear life. They pretty much need to win out, and with a coach like Cowher, it can be done. Cleveland has played better than their record would indicate, but they are 3-6 and their remaining schedule is rough.

Willie Parker - He is on fire. He has scored in every game sans one since week 2. Also, he has had at least 20 carries in every game since week 2 except for the games against San Diego & Denver.
Hines Ward - He has been on fire himself since week 5 scoring 5 TD’s and averaging over 100 yards a game.

STL @ CAR
Twice this season St Louis loses to Seattle on last second Field Goals. Ouch! Carolina is playing up and down this season and need this game as four of their final 6 games are on the road.

Marc Bulger - Carolina has played well on defense and losing pace is going to hurt Bulger more than he knows. Last week was the first game since week one that Bulger did not throw a TD. For my sake, as well as many of yours, let’s hope that doesn’t continue.
Steven Jackson - Owners might not like the fact that SJ hasn’t rushed for 100 yards since week 2, if not for his surge in receiving yards and scoring in 4 straight games.
Tory Holt - After having a TD in five straight games, he hasn’t scored in three. This could only mean one thing. He is due for a Torry “Big Game” Holt type of game.

Jake Delhomme - St Louis has given up 14 TD’s passing and 10 in the last 6 games. He is definitely worth a start at home.
Steve Smith - He is almost undefendable.

WAS @ TBB
Washington will head into Tampa after being smashed by the EAGLES with Jason Campbell and Ladell Betts. Tampa is terrible. If not for a miracle FG they would have one win. They will win this one though.

Jason Campbell - He gets to make his first pass in the league against a once formidable opponent. They are still adequate, but with only 12 sacks all year (fewest in the league) they are not pressuring anyone.
Ladell Betts - Lets see, a QB in his first game playing on the road. Can anyone say stacking the box?
Three Blind Mice - See how they run.

Bruce Gradkowski - Washington’s pass defense is really bad, really bad. He is still young and makes some bad decisions, but if you are in a bind, he has a nice matchup at home.
Cadillac Williams - He hasn’t hit 50 yards in 3 games and has one TD all year. His only value right now is as a keeper for next year.


Sunday, November 19, 4:05pm

DET @ ARI
There is always one thing that is constant in the wacky world that is the NFL and that is that the Lions do not win on the road. It is obvious that Matt is still adjusting to the NFL, but it equally as obvious that once he does, he will be good.

John Kitna - Arizona plays much better defense at home. Kitna is a good start with Roy Williams out there, but don’t expect any great numbers.
Kevin Jones - KJ already has a career high in TD’s and is on pace to have career highs in yards and carries. Arizona has given up some running yards like 137 to Oakland on the road, but they also held LJ to 2.3 yds/carry at home. Just something to chew on.
Roy Williams - The way he is playing this year in Martz’ offense makes him a must start for your team.

Matt Leinart - You can’t get much better being a rook than facing the Lions at home. Only two teams have fewer interceptions than the Lions. The Skins and the Saints.
Edge - Maybe next year. Look at it this way; you might be able to snag him as low as the third round in some moron leagues next year. I do like him this week. See below. (Sleeper of the Week)
Anquan Boldin & Larry Fitzgerald - Leinart is playing well at times, but he isn’t slinging up numbers like Warner did. For the rest of the season, when one of the dynamic duo does well the other will suffer.

SEA @ SF
Seattle plucked a victory from St Louis just as they had just 4 weeks prior. San Fran managed to win their second game in a row for the first time all season.

Matt Hasselback - He was favoring the knee a little during practice but seemed in good spirits and could play this weekend. Watch out if Hass does play, he has had some of his worst games there.
SA - Only the Jets and Bengals have given up more rushing TD’s than San Fran. Welcome back SA.
Darrell Jackson - The best, nay the only WR to ever produce from the Florida Gators continues to be the man in Seattle.

Frank Gore - He suffered a mild concussion against the Lions. I don’t see him missing this week’s game, but one big hit could knock him out.
Vernon Davis - Is there a hotter pick up in fantasy right now. It seems like every league I am in he was picked up this week. I don’t think he’ll return this week, maybe everyone is just getting ready to play the highest paid TE in the league.


Sunday, November 19, 2006 4:15pm

IND @ DAL
Indy remained undefeated with a close win against Buffalo holding them to FG’s on offense. Dallas is thriving with Romo at the helm. That can’t last. Losing Greg Ellis hurts.

Peyton Manning - Just watching him command an offense is special. I think about all of the little nuances that go through his head during each play. He is something special.
Joe Addai - He is the top back in Indy in my mind. Rhodes has gotten 21 carries in the last three weeks while Addai has gotten 48. You make the call.
Reggie Wayne & Marvin Harrison - Wayne has 6 TD’s in five games and Harrison has 4. Wayne has 30 receptions in the last five, while Harrison has 25. Start them both as if you needed me to tell you that.

Tony Romo - He played ok against the Panthers and well against the Cardinals and Redskins, whoop de do. This week he faces a real team and watch him crumble.
Julius Jones - I just don’t understand how BP uses this guy. After looking like a stud through week 6, he has been virtually nowhere in the last 4 games. It looks like Barber is taking more and more carries from him.
TO - After vowing to be a changed player in the second half, he goes and drops a ton of passes against the Cardinals. If they had lost that game, you can bet you would have heard more about it. If he is dropping passes against the Colts, you can be sure that it will cost his “team”

Sunday, November 19, 2006 8:15pm

SD @ DEN
The second Sunday night flex game features the best offense in the league vs. the leagues best defense scoring wise. Something has got to give in this battle for first place. The rematch is in 3 weeks. The Chargers are fresh off the shootout comeback in Cincy to take on the Bengals who squeaked by the Raiders for the second time this year.

Philip Rivers - You are welcome to those who listened to me about Rivers in the preseason. This one will be a tough game no matter how much experience you have as a starter.
LT - Denver’s run defense is stingy, but LT is a man on a mission this season,
Gates - Rivers is going to have to get Antonio involved early and often.

Jake Plummer - You know that Plummer watched plenty of game film of the Bengals first half torching the Charger defense. It won’t help him escape his own mediocrity.
Denver RB’s - I give up.
Javon Walker - Javon is definitely the #1 option in Denver now and has scored in three straight games. Start him against any defense.

Monday, November 20, 2006 8:30pm

NYG @ JAX
The Giants are hurting. Each week brings new injuries. The latest being Sam Madison allowing Grossman to torch their defense in the second half. It is good thing that they face a team that is having their own problems completing passes. Jacksonville was swept by Houston last week and that is inexcusable. Their defense plays better at home, but it won’t matter if their offense plays like they did against the Texans.

Eli Manning - I have always said it, Eli Manning is overrated. He hasn’t thrown for 200 yards since playing an awful Washington team while throwing only 6 TD’s with 6 Int’s in that span.
Tiki - The NFL’s leading rusher can’t buy a TD with Jacobs in there.
Giant’s WR - You know a team is hurting when they bring in guys like David Boston & Peter Warrick.

JAX RB’s - They really like to use Jones-Drew in a multitude of ways, but Taylor is one that gets the yards. Another dreaded RBBC, where Drew is the man for TD’s and Taylor will get you points in yardage heavy league.
JAX WR’s First it was Reggie Williams and Matt Jones, and then Wilford has a good game or two, now Jones was benched. That whole situation is a mess. Ya know, Leftwich has one bad game against the Texans and gets benched. Leftwich was made out to be the leader of that team. A guy who would play through pain to help them win games and lead them on the field and is not the starter now because of David Garrard, a guy who has one good game against the Titans. I have to blame Del Rio for this mess.

Top 10 QB’s for Week 11

1. Peyton Manning
2. Donavon McNabb
3. Carson Palmer
4. Drew Brees
5. Tom Brady
6. Mark Bulger
7. Seahawks QB
8. Jake Delhomme
9. Brett Favre
10. Matt Leinart

Top 10 RB’s for Week 11

1. Larry Johnson
2. Brian Westbrook
3. LT
4. Kevin Jones
5. Steven Jackson
6. Shaun Alexander
7. Thomas Jones
8. Tiki Barber
9. Edgerrin James
10. Rudi Johnson

Top 10 WR's for Week 11

1. Torry Holt
2. Marques Colston
3. Steve Smith
4. Marvin Harrison
5. TJ Houshmanzadeh
6. Larry Fitzgerald
7. Darryl Jackson
8. Marvin Harrison
9. Roy Williams
10. Terrell Owens


Bust of the Week – Ronnie Brown
First of all, he faces the best rush defense in the league. Add to that his groin injury and that spells benchtime for Ronnie.

Sleeper of the Week – Edgerrin James
As you all know Edge has been less than stellar this year. He is still getting a ton of carries and against a Lions defense hurt by injuries has given up nearly 200 yards per game over the last three. I see Edge get over the century mark for the first time all season and scoring as well.

You all come to my class to convince yourself and to reassure yourself of dilemmas and decisions that you have made for the betterment of your team. I ask you to look upon my syllabus with an open mind and a keen sense to use what you can to lead your team to victory. I give you the fuel and you use that to power your team to fantasy championship. Always go with your gut and don’t look back.

Professor Ellis D Trails

Monday, November 06, 2006

The famous final scene



Thanks to Bob Seger for the title. I made money last week, and I made more this week, but I didnt post for a reason.... I was trying to gauge readership. With the staff dropping out quicker than Timothy Leary ever did, I thought a week away would do me good, and get a feel for this. It didnt & it didnt, so Fuck all yall.... I quit, or more likely fired my self, as I am the only regular to post lately.

It was good while it lasted. And will be good in its new incarnation, when that gets firmed up/ agreed upon.

Thanks for the Mammories

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Archers Bull's Eye Week #8



If I'd written all the truth I knew for the past ten years, about 600 people - including me - would be rotting in prison cells from Rio to Seattle today. Absolute truth is a very rare and dangerous commodity in the context of professional journalism.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

- Hunter S Thompson

Can't go sailing off into the sunset without paying homage to my journalistic hero... and I use both terms loosely because the Dr of Gonzo wouldn't want it any other way.

I hate to see Locker Room flounder because I think the concept is a good one... but some times it's good to step back and re-examine priorities and limitations. Somewhere in the future I hope to find the time and resources, and other interested parties, and resurrect the spirit of LR in a new format. But like Wikkid, right now I have too much on my plate. I guess this is where some people would get sentimental and wax poetic about the good times.... blah.

Here's the week in review.....

Mother Teresa knocked out!...

The quote of the week was by Coach Billick when he said that beating New Orleans, the loveable underdog cinderella of '06, was like beating up Mother Teresa. An ugly job, but somebody had to do it.

That wasn't such a hard task after all, with the heralded savoir of Nawlins fumbling the ball on his first carry. It only got worse from there as he also added an intercepted pass to his resume of horrors. The icing on the cake was re-injuring his ankle in the second half, but fortunately it doesn't look like he'll miss any time.

Maybe he can spend some time with Brees this week and compare notes how to avoid throwing picks.... but I guess that's the blind leading the blind.

The irony after all the Bush-hype, which is still out there as optimism is very contagious in the world of fantasy football fanatics, that the real rookie impact player the Saints drafted this year was a guy out of a little college called Hofstra. Marques Colston is just the type of receiver that Brees loves to throw the ball to... and his numbers show it.

Now that the Ravens offense has been Un-"Fassel"-ized, maybe the lumbering dinosaur of an offense we've come to relate to the Ravens has finally been laid to rest in the muck of the LaBrea Tar Pits where it belongs. The Saints do have a decent defense... and McNair picked them apart pretty good. Hope this new thing called "offensive touchdowns" is going to stick around a while.

Heap mowing the lawn with the new Briggs & Stratton Bullock model

Time of Possession...

The Seahawks only had the ball a little over 17 minutes, but still managed to score 4 touchdowns which was only one shy of the Chiefs. The key to the lopsided time of possession was LJ 1-2-3 all the way down the field to 1-2-3... count 'em... touchdowns. Of course the two interceptions by Seneca Wallace didn't help the Seahawks situation. But he did manage to throw 3 touchdown passes and the bone-headed pass attempt/fumble during a botched field goal attempt by the Chiefs holder, Colquitt which turned into six for the Seahawks D/ST also helped make the score look closer than what it should have been.

The Raiders have an opportunity to knock out both of last years Super Bowl teams next week when they play the Seahawks, who will be without Alexander for sure for one more week. Who'da thunk it!!

The Lambeau Hop

Risking a life-threatening infection from a broken hip.... Favre finally attempted the touchdown tradition in Green Bay and looked like..... an old man who can't jump. It's great to see Brett playing the game he loves like a kid, but he is the embodiment of the saying "the mind is willing, but the body isn't."

Okay, Bryant you go run a fade 42 Double Jack route and I'll throw it to Woodson.

Meanwhile Denny Green was visibly upset when his rookie quarterback got a delay of game penalty... and the conversation must have been something like....

"I know you're going to be here in this league for a while and I'm going to lose my job after this year.... but why must you make my life so miserable?"

"Why?"

.... and the Packers are who we thought they were.... crown'em!!

"Ocho Cinco El Stinko" says Ron Mexico

... and DeAngelo Hall enforced it. The cheap shots that the Falcons took at CJ got them a penalty... but it accomplished the intimidation they were looking for. Palmer and CJ had a decent day, but there were some missed opportunities that could have made this outcome different. There just isn't any rhythm in the Bengals offense this year, and a key problem that needs addressing is the lack of a consistent running game. Palmer has been rushed and under pressure every week it seems like.

The surprise of the game besides a CJ touchdown... was Vick's accuracy and 3 touchdown passes. The past two weeks Mr Mexico has answered his critics with some impressive passing to go along with his running ability. With the struggles in Philly and Seattle... the Falcons are making a move to be in the upper echelon of the NFC along with the Giants and Bears. Crumpler could end up being the TE of the year as long as Vick continues throwing the ball as much as he has been.

They Did The Mash... The Monsters of Midway Mash...

Can we just go ahead and create a new league for the Bears already.... or maybe demote the 49ers to NFL Europe. After scoring 41 points in the first half alone, the Bears just coasted the rest of the way throwing in as many scrubs as they could. Even then... the 49ers didn't get on the scoreboard until the start of the 4th quarter.

And I can't finish this summary with a halloween reference without mentioning Frank Gore-y, who slashed his way through the MoM Defense for 111 yards, the most any running back has been able to do all year, but as I said before... the scrubs had something to do with that. Hicks inherited Gore's fumblitis... so the running game isn't all positive in SF, but I had to give them something.... Mother Nolan's cupboard has been short of bones this year again.

I've Fallen and I Can't Get Back Up...

What is going on with McNabb and the Eagles? The last two games were close and lost in the last few seconds of the game. This week the Jags D just flustered Donovan all day. The return of Stallworth didn't even spark things for McNabb. Now Reid and Co have two weeks to figure it out and re-light that fire they had going out of the gate.

Garrard got the start for the Jags signal caller, which really didn't add anything new other than the complete disappearance of any passing game, which was spotty already. But the combination of Fragile Fred and the adapted lovechild of the lesbian couple Star Jones and Nancy Drew... took the mystery right out of this victory. They both combined for 180 yards and a touchdown on 36 carries.

Just Add Spice...

After the Texans got down 21-3 to the Titans thanks in large part to David Carr's two fumbles and one interception.

Yanked!

Enter the Immortal Sage... to perk up the recipe. Without the Pacman punt return for a touchdown early in the 4th.... Sage could have added a "save" to his pitching stats. The 6 year clipboard vet looked better than Carr had... but I still don't see this being a permanent change. Just a prudent coaches move to stop the bleeding for one week, and maybe have a shot at winning. Now if Cowher could just learn how to do that....

Vince Young's homecoming to the Lone Star state was sure to add a little extra mustard on this sandwich... and he didn't disappoint. He drew first blood by scoring the first touchdown of the day on a 20 yard scamper ala Vick. But the 87 yards passing suggests that he is definitely following in Vick's footsteps, which will be fantasy indigestion for a few years for those brave enough to go there.

.... I'm getting hungry all of a sudden.

The Barber of Seville

In the battle of the Barber Twins, Tiki emerges on top once again. Ronde has got to be tired of always losing that bet every year and having to buy momma's new car out of his paycheck. The flak between Tiki and the ESPN guys was more of a distraction this week than anything else... including Tiki's retirement announcement which set the fireworks off in the first place. If anything, I think he's inspired his team to play better and give him the ring he deserves.

The Bruce... aka The Graduate (who hasn't earned his sheepskin quite yet)... is struggling. When Caddy and Pittman are his top two receivers... it's plain to see that he's not getting a good look downfield yet or comfortable enough to go there with any frequency. As a result, defenses can stack the box and stuff the run and apply pressure on passing plays at will. He'll work through that tendency eventually... but in the meantime Caddy owners like me will have to grin and bear it.

Is It In You....

Or if you ask Marc Bulger.... is it on you? The Super-Charged Charger Merriman was all over him Sunday, collecting 3 sacks on the day. In related news, with all the testosterone in his face.... Bulger grew a ZZTop length beard during the course of the game. And while Bulger was eating carpet.... Torry Holt was wondering if he became invisible.

LT got off to a fast start with two touchdowns in the 1st quarter and cruised his way to 183 yards on the ground. For dessert he added a 25 yard catch for six late in the game to help seal the win. Baby LT (SJax) had to get his endzone celebration, too... but still didn't get anywhere near daddy's numbers.

Your day will come young grasshopper.

If I throw the ball to you... will you leave my head alone?

Do you think maybe Big Ben should just sit one out and let himself heal, rather than playing like he has been? Batch seems to have a little spark that the Steelers offense has been sorely lacjking otherwise... when he gets an opportunity. The Carr interception was a mistake you'd expect from a rookie who never took a snap in the NFL.... not a Super Bowl champion QB.

How did the Raiders find a way to be 2-5 when they were as hapless as the Cardinals a few weeks ago? Without the 14 points from the defense... they would still be singing the Art Shell Blues. Porter finally got out of Al Davis' dungeon and got on the field.... but nobody noticed, especially Andy Walter.

Immovable Object Meets Irresistable Force...

...and the immovable object moved.

Holy Caped Crusader! Who was that three-time end zone visitor that scored three time as many TD's as any visitor to Investco Stadium all year?

oh.... Mr. Wayne

As methodical as an Ausberger Autistic figuring out an differential calculus equation... Manning pulled another one out of his ass. Thank you Mr Reliable (Adam Vinatieri). If Denver hadn't given him as much time as they did.... oh well.... for once the Broncos success at running the ball, which slashed through the Colts D like a machete... actually was a detriment to their hopes of a victory. If they were getting only 3 or 4 yards a carry, that would have eaten the clock up and never given Manning a chance.

If you looked closely at Plummer Sunday he was wearing the same get-up that Peyton wears in his new commercial.... and Plummer did his best to imitate Manning on the field, too. There's something to that 'rising to the level of competition' thing. Mike Bell avoided any chances of getting turf toe by diving into the end zone up-ended.... so if anything he was going to get turf head.

Patty Cake Patty Cake, Baker's the man, If He Can't Score....

The Jets lose.

Seems like Mangini brings a Boeing 747 one week.... and a crank-prop puddle-jumper the next. Hard to tell which team will show up from week to week. I expected the Browns offense to come out of the duldrums with their new OC, which made it look like a shoot out on paper... but Penny and Co just kept firing blanks all day. The call made for the Baker catch in the end zone was a bad call... he was clearly forced out and would have come down in-bounds, which would have sent the game into overtime.... still no guarantee of victory, but better than being ripped-off. Other than that the Jets had very little offense and wouldn't even have been in a position to tie the game at the end without help from special teams, as Justin "time for..." Miller ran the length of the field on the ensuing kick-off after the Browns just went up 20-3 late in the 3rd quarter.

Welcome back Reuben... hope this new offense gives you more days like this instead of the last few weeks of nothin'. Now if we can just find a rope long enough to pull Braydon out of the abyss then you guys might be a divisional contender... the Steelers and Bengals apparently don't want it.

There's a New Sherriff In Town...

...and if Sunday night is any indication, he'll make Parcells look like the genius he always has been, but we were seriously wondering about his age becoming a factor. Speaking of age.... what a difference a mobile QB makes to help loosen up opposing defenses. The statue wasn't able to scramble like that... and make things happen. Witten finally got a score and the toss from Romo was perfectly placed to avoid the possibility of an interception.... which was a big concern after last week.

It didn't look good for the 'Boys in the early going, with Gamble's interception and Smith's end around to put the Panthers up 14-0... it looked like Cowboy football status quo. But the momentum shifted and when JJ got in the end zone half way through the 4th, the Cowboys had the lead for good. TO didn't get any touchdowns to stroke his ego.... but he did get the 2 point conversion to make it a 21-14 margin. He also eclipsed the century mark and definitely has chemistry with Romo. But TO does make one concession.... and let's Romo get all the sloppy forehead kisses from Parcells.

The Kitchen Sink....

Would have gotten a touchdown from Brady Monday night if it wore a Patriots uniform. It appears that Brady and his new receiving corps are gelling just in time to go slay the perfect Colts who come to visit next week. Four different WR's scored touchdowns... so it looks like Brady will continue to make everyone he can happy.... except fantasy owners of Patriot receivers. What Shanahan does for fantasy owners of Denver running backs.... Belichick & Brady do for Patriot WR's. Anyone who can make Reche Caldwell look good.... is on to something. Why the Vikings were in single safety coverage is a mystery, but apparently they thought the running game of the Patriots was the more serious threat.

Doh!

The lone bright spot for the Vikings was MeMo... as in the Patriot punt return unit didn't get the MeMo to watch out for this guy. The offense did absolutely nothing and Brad Johnson didn't help by throwing three interceptions. So Bollinger got a chance to add a little spark.... and threw a pick of his own.

Maroney had a decent homecoming... especially returning kicks. And had a good return of his own following Moore's touchdown, which put the Kiabosch on any momentum swings going toward the Vikes.

..... Happy Halloween

.... the sad thing is.... that ain't a costume!

Sagitta Veritas

Monday, October 30, 2006

NUFCED


Because of poor health and the pressure that puts on my other commitments, I am stepping down as the editor of and weekly columnist for LOCKERROOM. It has been a pleasure from the beginning, the greatest being the friendships that have been cemented by its inception and production, followed closely by the chance to have put out some of the most original content in our corner of the online world. I thank the staff and our readers - it's been a great ride. I look forward to contributing occasionally as my schedule allows, if the next editor finds that acceptable. I urge you all to continue to support the effort of LOCKERROOM to provide their exceptional exceptions to the rule. And so it goes....

Hasta Luego LockerRoom et al


Wikkid,
If you'd like to borrow my personal nurse/ massage therapist/ house maid/ sex slave during your convolescence then let me know. I'm sure something can be arranged.

There will be one last Bulls Eye this week because I have too many good titles and observations to share. After this week though, I have to pull back and focus my efforts on the xls spreadsheet that will become By The Numbers ....and find a place where I can post it ... most likely as a webpage, because the spreadsheet file share sites are very limited in what they offer.

I'll email you guys a copy in advance and get your opinions on what to do. If nothing else I guess I'll have the best personal stat analyzer around because I haven't seen anyone else like it.

Archer

Friday, October 27, 2006

Degenerate Gamblers V 2.0 week 8

Welcome to the HELL that is my gambling Jones. A very weak showing by me, in a very tough week. I picked all the NFL games, and went5-7-1 there, nad 0-1 in my lone NCAA selection of the year. While managing to lose $380.00
This brings my season totals to a dismal 11-19-4 against the number, for a grand total of $1520.00 to the bad side of good.

It was around this time last year, when I went on a furious run, picking over 90% against the spread, that enabled me to climb out of a $1300.00 deficit, to end up $1900.00 to the good. Look for this trend to continue again.............

Christmas is coming, and the family will want more than balled up losing bet slips, soaked in my bile. So, its off to the races I go.

This weeks selections

The shell shocked Cardinals, make a long trip to the frozen tundra)no caps, cause they dont scare anyone anymore). Green Bay is spotting 4 to the desert denizens. When you factor in the automatic 3 points the home team gains, this means that, If played in a neutral site, Green Bay would be favored by a single, solitary, measley didget. My money says that GB is better than AZ, by much much more, at this time. This game has the potential to be a combined 8 interception game. Green Bay spotting 4 will be a $440.00 play

Peyton Manning gets to bring his breathless passing attack new heights, as he flips the rock against the best Defence, in an oxygen deprived environment. NO ONE should ever be spotting Indy points. I know Indy has been suspect this year, but I expect Addai to catch 10 screen passes Sunday, as Indy plays the ball controll game. Champ Bailey may control 1/2 of the field with his skills, but the other half will have a reciever of the caliber of Marv, or Reggie. Peyton makes his statement for him winning the TOUGH game this week. INDY +2.5 will be a $330.00 wager

The Monday Night game pitts 2 good defensive clubs. That being said, I feel the game goes OVER the 38 points Vegas set.
Over 38 for $220.00.

I also like The Pats to win this game. The Vikes are 2 point home dogs, and I usually am all over home dogs, BUT... Brady is 9-0 in domes in his career, and 19-1 on turf in his career, BRILLIANT!! The Pats passing game has also show increased production, as the unit is starting to gel. Gabriel is bradys go to guy, and Troy Brown is such a good sit down route guy, and has been with Brady forever, the 2 think alike. dont forget the 2 headed monster that is Dillon/Maroney... Boney Maroney is making a mini homecoming this weekend, I look for him to POUND the ball, setting up play action..

Pats -2 for $330.00



Til next time, ya pederests

Window Lickers week 8 edition

An outright ugly week from the Window Lickers crew. The top win total for the week was a palseyed 7-6 record. Straight up!! I will now resort to coin flips, Heads for home teamm & tails for the visitors. I cant do any worse than my 5-8 showing last week, can I.

Season Totals
PROF 68-32
CREEK65-35
WIKKID 64-36
AHEM 64-36
ARCHIE 61-39
GBIN 59-41
JIMED 59-41



This weeks overthinking.

PROF

PHI
CIN
GB
TEN
KC
BAL
NYG
CHI
SD
NYJ
DEN
PIT
CAR
MIN

WIKKID
SEA
CHI
NO
GB
TEN
NYG
CIN
PHI
SD
PIT
IND
CLE
CAR
NE


JIMED (pure coin flips)

GB
CIN
BAL
TEN
PHI
KC
SF
NYG
SD
DEN
CLE
OAK
DAL
NE
other than the oak & sf picks, not too badly done w a quarter

AHELMS

ATL
HOU
KC
NYG
PHI
CHI
GB
NO
STL
IND
PIT
CAR
MIN

Monday, October 23, 2006

Archer's Bulls Eye Week #7


PLaza De Toros is the only place on Earth where "The Bull" is respected and venerated more than right here at Locker Room.


Week #7
Still feeling some of the aftershocks and weirdness leftover from Week #6, but before I get to this week's fun from the NFL there's a few other things I have to mention. First of all, our fearless leader has had a wake up call this weekend, which put him on the sidelines. So Wikkid, stay away from that Indian Fry Bread and Greasy Juarez Loco chicas for a little while and get back to full strength as soon as possible. We all want to have you around for many more years to ridicule so we can feel better about ourselves.

Secondly, if there are any Wisconsin grocery store clerks out there reading this blog and trying to drum up a little internet niche for yourself with some hairbrained bright ideas....

Save yourself some headache and effort. Dont!

Ever since the news broke on this story I could not help myself but wonder if anyone has seen or heard from Verbie, because this sounds like something right up his alley.

Lastly, regarding the World Series "dirty palm" incident. Seriously people, are we all so gullible as to believe that Rogers just had a clump of dirt on his hand?! Maybe I'm just too cynical in my old age, but that didn't look like "just" dirt to me. We live in an age where professional athlete's are under more and more pressure to perform and more importantly... willing to do ANYTHING to get the edge over the other guy, without having to work hard to get there. It's not just the sports world that is suffering from this, it seems to be a cultural epidemic and there seems to be an equal amount of apathy that is just as disturbing in dealing with this problem.

I'll put away my "Archer Idealism" soap box now, because all I can do is bitch about what I see... and not offer any solution other than keep working on my own personal accountability and integrity. (shhh... don't tell anyone).

Here's a look at this weeks festivities:

King Philip's War...
Only this time the Chiefs won... and Philip was on the other side. Rivers dug himself a hole early with a few miscues, but I like what I saw about his "fight" and that is a good sign for his future as a starting QB in the NFL and maturing process. He could have called it quits after getting down 20-3, but he fought back. It's just too bad he isn't Rex Grossman or else he could have thrown a few more interceptions and still won the game.

With all the off-field antics, it has been just short of miraculous that the Chargers D has been performing as well as they have so far this season. But now that Merriman has added to the off-field crap and got himself suspended for 4 games, it looks like the Chargers D may have seen the last of its dominating days for a while.

Week 8 has been the week for kickers... and Lawrence Tynes was the LT that shined and secured the win for his team. Most of us were expecting the other LT to play that role. But the LT we all know and love had his shining moment Sunday, too..... of couse.

Pass!!!

Triple Lundy...
He CAN run... He CAN catch.... He.... DOESN'T SUCK!

Just when it looked like the Texans would have to rely on the arm of David Carr, they finally discover a running game against a defense that is historically a very stingy unit when it comes to stiffling opposing offenses. Sadie Hawkins Day came early this week as the Texans D was the one who kept the Jags offense in check all afternoon and set up their offense with scoring opportunities like the one after forcing Fragile Freddy to cough it up, which he hasn't done for a few years. Of course he only gets the ball 5 or 6 times a game, it's hard to fumble the ball when you don't have it.

The big news out of Houston this week is the 50% increase in food and beer sales along the Astrodome's food concourse... as fans finally had a reason NOT to leave at halftime just to avoid the traffic and watching another disappointing loss.

Here Kitty Kitty Kitty....
In the battle of cats this year, the Bengals are King of the jungle. The Panthers had their shot at winning this one, but in an instance of extreme color blindness Delhomme threw the ball to KJ waiting in the back of the end zone and didn't even see that other guy in the BRIGHT orange uniform right next to him. If Jake had his helmet mic on this is what he was saying when he realized his mistake and slapped his helmet with this hands.

"Oh Fuck!!"

"Godamnit!!!!"

... that wasn't an exact quote... but I bet it was close.

Just blame it on the wind... of fortune... the one that has been helping the Panthers pull out 3 point victories for the last 4 weeks.

In a game that featured two premeire wide receivers in Smith & Johnson (sounds like a new gun manufacturer), both were kept out of the end zone all day. Who got in the end zone? Both fantasy stalworth TE's: R Kelly ( no longer making kiddie porn?) and K Mangum. Be sure to add those guys to your fantasy rosters next week! They will never see the end zone again the rest of the year most likely.

Los(er)man Strikes Again...
The Patriots may not have much of an offense, and definitely aren't flashy or lighting up the scoreboard with abundance... but they are still winning. A big Thank You should go to the inadequacy of JP Losman for this win. Twice he had the Bills in NE territory ready to score, once he coughed it up and once he threw an interception. At least he was changing it up and finding new ways to fail.

Asante Samuel is making an impact for the Patriots D this year, he's been on a tear the past few weeks with 3 interceptions. In a No-Name defense like the Patriots have this year, he's a guy to watch... and adding some sparkle in the process.

The Red Shoe Diaries...
Have you ever seen a WR run so fast that he ran out of his shoe? Hines Ward had a career day with 171 yards and 3 visits to paydirt, one of those a 70 yard sprint minus one shoe.

The scoring bonanza was a little surprising considering that both defenses have been generally stingy so far this year, which made this game look like a smashmouth ball control match up on paper. Backinaday when the score was posted on the scoreboard by some lacky hanging a placard on the scoreboard hook... this game would have given him a cramp by halftime after running up and down the ladder so much. Both teams scored 2 touchdowns in the 2nd Quarter alone. Denver called and asked if they could have some of those points on loan for their game against Indianapolis later.

By now everyone has seen the kicking carousel that took place at the end of regulation... and all I can say is that Mora is a lucky man that he isn't having to second guess his decision Monday morning. Whaddya say we pick ONE kicker and go with him the rest of the season. Just like a coach to "over-coach" and make a mess of things when he has an option.

Can We Buy A Missed FG for a change?...
The frustration was easy to see. Two weeks in a row Donovan McNabb has had to watch from the sidelines as his team loses the game in the last seconds due to FG's. This week was even more unlikely than last weeks, as Bryant put on his gold leg... like Mister Gadget... and kicked a 62 yard field goal. If he had a clubfoot or kicked barefoot he could have made it from 64 easy.

But this week McNabb has no one else but himself to blame for the loss.... since he spotted the Bucs 14 points by giving Ronde Barber his audition tape for the Giants to show that he's ready to take Tiki's place next year when he retires.

Buchanon High product resurrects Jets ground game...
Until Sunday's 120 yard effort with two carries culminating with six points, the only two things Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington was noted for was cutting class and stealing Mr Woodson's nitro glycerin pills with his greasy halfwit Italian buddy named Vinnie.

"Hey, Mister Kott-errrrr..."

What?

Oh.... Leon "Boom Boom" Washington is his name. One Boom for each touchdown. I don't know how long its been since the Jets have had 42 rushing plays in one game, but I bet even in Martin's big year a few years back... there weren't many 40+ days. Hope the rookie came to work, because that is just what Penny needs to help his passing game.

Did anyone catch the connection between run and re-run? If I'm nothing else.... I'm clever and absurdly witty in my own mind.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane with the Lions for a moment...

Week #3 - GB 31 Detroit 24 (-7)
Week #4 - St Louie 41 Detroit 34 (-7)

Week #8.... (-7) again.... if next week wasn't the bye week we could just pencil in the Lions (-7) no matter who they play. The sad thing is... they are scoring enough points offensively, but the minute their defense gets out on the field again.... they're down 7 again. SF, Arizona and Miami on the horizon.... can this defense stop the bleeding for a few weeks to get a few victories?

Run Joey..... Run... Not Pass...
Somebody must have hit Saban in the head this last week. Why on Earth would he give Harrington and his arm carte blanche... and 62 opportunties... to destroy any chance of victory. True to his character Joey tossed 3 interceptions, which led to 13 points for the Packers. The margin of victory for the Pack: 10 points. Thank you very much Joey... we'll take it. Anyone who can make the Packers defense actually look halfway decent... has achieved a new level of suck-itude.

When you spend a 1st round draft pick to get a decent running back like Ronnie B., it seems like such a shame and waste of talent to not use him. And we wonder why Ricky wanted to spend all of his time smokin' jays and emulating Bob Marley any way he could..... he had way too much time on his hands and nothing better to do.

U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi... you ugly...
There is absolutely nothing else to say about the Denver game except that they won.... thanks again to the stellar performance of the defense, which by the way is on loan from Cleveland. I wonder if Romeo is second-guessing that decision?

5-1... and the ugliest winning offense I've seen in the Mile High City in quite a few years. I think the last time the Broncos looked this bad on offense was before Elway arrived and a little known QB named Gary Kubiak was sucking-in-style with the Orange Crush defense making him not look so..... Plummerish.

What's a Prize Fighter without a 1-2 punch combo?
If the lackluster Seahawks offense without Alexander and Hasselbeck is the point of reference.... then the answer is a washed-up nobody who couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag. Nothing like injuring the hometown hero QB to quiet the crowd. The Verizon guy could have walked over every inch of Qwest stadium and not missed one word.... if he actually had a conversation.

Can you hear me... *punch*

Shut the fuck up already! Welcome to Qwest territory you annoying little prick.

Chester "The Seahawk Molester" Taylor came into SA's house and flexed a little muscle, including a 95 yard scamper that made the Seahawk D look like a bunch of keystone cops.

If you play the Cardinals... don't worry about turnovers...
Last week the Bears had 6 turnovers... and won. This week, the Raiders commited 5 mistakes and really didn't play much better than they have all year during their 0-5 run.... but this week, because it was the Cardinals.... they finally win.

So let's see if I got this straight.... the crappy California QB from Arizona, nowhere near national championships or New York athletic club trophies, outplayed the classy Arizona QB from California. That makes sense.

Denny Green... welcome to the Hot seat. I know you're no stranger to being in it, but a word of warning in case your not familiar with Arizona hot seat territory. All I need to say is two words: Saguaro cactus.


So you wanna play rough...
Even after a face full of turf and a neck twisting hit that made me hurt just watching it.... Peyton never missed a beat... or play... and shredded the Redskins secondary with four scoring strikes and a mere 452 yards on 25 completions. Two of those touchdown throws were caught by Starvin' Marvin, who had only been on the receiving end of one TD pass through the previos five games.

From a Harrison fan and fantasy owner.... thank you thank you thank you!!!

In a week when a lot of quarterbacks were being carted off the field on stretchers... it looked like Peyton was going to be another victim to the weeks unsavory trend. A lesser man would have sat out the rest of the game at least and let the back up handle it. But the Colts were down 14-13 and pushing Peyton's face in the dirt only made him more resolved and probably angrier.... because he saved his best game for the 3rd quarter.

"Eat my dirt suckahs!" Peyton says...

Once: to Marvin

Twice: to Reggie

Thrice: To Marvin.... again.

Anyone got a guess as to win Gibbs decides to try his luck with a rookie QB?


Speaking of Rookie QB's...
Dear Mr Parcells:

No'mo Romo.... thank you very much Mr Roboto.... Romo.... Romo...

Although I must admit... nothing pleases me more than to watch a Monday Night meltdown in Dallas. I don't know how Parcells will be able to go back to Bledsoe without playing 52 card pick-up with his rookie QB's psyche. If Dallas has any hope of salvaging a 8-8 or better year, he needs to find a way to keep Bledsoe as his starter.

The story for Dallas this week was TO once again... only this time its not Terrell Owens, but TurnOvers.

The Giants went into their bye week looking pathetic... but now just two weeks later: They are perched on top of the NFC East and their defense is on fire. The next three weeks look like a downhill run with a three-week homestand including Tampa and Houston. Unless Seattle can come back from the death bed they are currently on.... chances of the Giants at least getting a wild card bid in the play offs are looking better every week.


Sagitta Veritas

PS... if you have comments or after thoughts about my weekly comments and after thoughts...
or you have any paternity claims, pending litigation, debt collection or repossessions.... load your guns and bring it on.... or email me if you're a spineless atavastic pig-fucker wimp. *grin*
asklockeroom@gmail.com

Friday, October 20, 2006

Degenerate Gamblers V 2.0 week 7

So, I have been sitting in my truck, with the engine running and a hose connected to the tail pipe. I haven't run the pipe into the truck yet, but I am fuckin close. Last weeks 0-4 pathetic showing cost me $880.00, and a sleepless night.

I cant seem to figure this year out yet, but I believe I am getting closer. My banker seems to think I might have a problem, but I told him I was funding the new Maginot Line. He told me it didn't work the first time, and I replied "tell me about it"

I have a few "seedy" friends, and more than one of them have come back to me with offers on one of my lungs. One more Sunday like last week, and I will meet him in the bar called Urban Legends.

Season Totals

6-11-3 $1140 in debt UNGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This weeks dart board musings

AZ -3 vs OAK AZ -3 for $110.00 (loss)
SD-5 vs KC SD -5 for $110.00 (loss)
Jax -9.9 vs Hou Jax-9.5 for $110.00 (loss)
Pats - 5.5 vs Buff Pats -5.5 for $110.00 (win)
ATL + 2.5 vs Pitt Atl +2.5 for $110.00 ( Pitt winless on road) (win)
+ 5 vs MIA GB +5 for $110.00 (win)
PHI -5 vs TB Phi -5 for $110.00 (loss)
DET + 3.5 vs NYJ DET +3.5 for $110.00 (loss)
CAR +3 vs Cin Car+3 for $110.00 PUSH
DEN-4.5 vs CLE Den-4.5 for $110.00 (win)
WASH +9 vs IND Wash+9 for $110.00 (loss)
SEA-6.5 vs MIN Sea-6.5 for $110.00 (loss)
NYG+3.5 vs DAL NYG+3.5 for $110.00


Georgia Tech +7.5 vs Clemson GT +7.5 for $110.00 (loss)



Thats it for this week, a lucky 13 NFL games & 1 lonely NCAA game


I'll either rebound, or be in a rehab clinic, recovering from a sucking chest wound inflicted under less than sterile conditions.


Later you molesters of house pets

Window Lickers week 7 edition

No running amok last week, but plenty of running with scissors.

PROF 62-25
WIKKID 59-28
CREEK 59-28
AHEM 57-30
ARCHER 56-31
GBIN 54-33
JIMED 54-33


This weeks selections


PROF

CAR L
NYJ W
GB W
JAX L
NE W
PHI L
PIT L
SD L
DEN W
ARI L
SEA L
IND W
NYG

WIKKID

SD L
JAX L
CIN L
NYJ W
MIA L
NE W
PHI L
ATL W
DEN W
AZ L
SEA L
IND W
DAL

JIMED

SD L
JAX L
CAR L
NYJ W
GB W
NE W
PHI L
PIT L
DEN W
AZ L
SEA L
IND W
DEN

AHEM

NE W
MIA L
NYJ W
CAR L
SD L
TB W
ATL W
JAX L
DEN W
IND W
AZ L
SEA L
NYG

CREEK

SD L
GB W
NYJ W
ATL W
PHI L
NE W
JAX L
CAR L
DEN W
AZ L
SEA L
WAS L
NYG

On The Hash... Marks




Unfortunately, I'm going to have to keep this week's column down to the bare essentials. I have a 12 page report on Herbert Hoover (read that again and feel sorry for me) due monday, and of course, I haven't started it yet. Just the picks this week, I promise to make it up to you next week by posting pictures of Wikkid naked on a trampoline.


Last Week: 12-7
Overall: 80-51



West Virginia -22.5 UConn

Louisville -17 Syracuse

Nebraska +4.5 Texas

Ohio St. -30.5 Indiana

Wisconsin -6.5 Purdue

Arkansas -21 Ole Miss

Auburn -31.5 Tulane

Notre Dame -13.5 UCLA

Tennessee -11 Alabama

Michigan -12.5 Iowa

Boston College +6 FSU

California -23 Washington

Oregon -3.5 Washington St.

Boise St. -21 Idaho

Oklahoma -14 Colorado

Georgia Tech +7.5 Clemson

LSU -33 Fresno St.

UPSET SPECIAL (5-1): Rutgers +6.5 Pittsburgh

LOW (3-2-1): Michigan -12.5 Iowa



P.S.- Email all "Who Do I Start" questions for fantasy football to asklockeroom@gmail.com.


P.P.S- GO BLUE!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Professor Ellis D Trails Week 7 Syllabus


Welcome my faithful students to another week of insights and insults from your dependable Professor. The world of fantasy football is such a fickle beast. One minute you are down and cursing your opponent and players on your roster, only to be thrust into elation upon a gamebreak that shows one of those cursed players scoring a touchdown.

I was content going into Monday night’s game accepting defeat as I was up by one point with Brian Urlacher, while my opponent had the scoring machine that is Robbie Gould and stud Adrian Wilson. I sure that many of you shared my views of the game that Chicago would be destroying them by halftime and not only giving Gould ample opportunity to score on field goals and extra points, but provide many chances for tackles and other defensive stats for Wilson. In other words, I was toast.

The game went on as you all witnessed, and his (deadliftboy of fanball lore) team was scoring, while Urlacher was not doing much but getting some assisted tackles. I was down at one point by as many as ten points in the second half and only continued to watch because I am an insane football fan that can’t watch enough. Urlacher got a couple of tackles and pulled me closer, but I didn’t think much of it. In our league, Tackles are worth 1 and assists are 1 pt for ever 2. Sacks/Ints/FF/FR are each worth 3. With about 5 minutes to go in the game, I had pulled within 5 points, as the Cardinals kept running right into Urlacher. Then the improbable begins.

First, Edge runs right into the center of the line and Urlacher is seemingly nowhere near him, then you see big # 54 come out of the shadows and use his guns to strip the ball from Edge, which shortened the lead to two. Charles Tillman picks up the ball and runs it in, thus only allowing Gould an extra point instead of a FG. (That fumble TD by Tillman won fellow LR mate Jimed’s game for him – LR sticks together) The lead was back at three. Arizona gets the ball back and proceeds to run two plays right into #54 and an inconsequential incomplete pass. The lead is down to 1 and the Bears are about to get the ball back. I know at this point Deadlift is hoping for a sustained drive so Adrian Wilson can get a couple of tackles and Gould will get a FG try. I am nearly screaming at my high-definition TV for Hester to return the kick for a TD. HESTER RETURNS IT AND I BLEW A GASKET. I knew that Gould would get the point, but I also knew that now the Cardinals would get the ball back and Urlacher had already begun to take the game into his hands. His lead was two. Urlacher, almost anticlimactically, gets two tackles right away to tie the game. The game winner came on a first down pass to Obafemi Ayanbadejo. As Obafemi sprinted towards the sideline to stop the clock, Urlacher catches up to him in time to shove him out of bounds and award me with my point that I needed to put me over the top. As Arizona lines up for the chance to take the lead, all I could wish for was a miss, as any make would force Chicago to pass and give Wilson another shot to tie or even take the lead. Well, as that kick sailed wide, as smile large as life appeared on my face as I exclaimed, “Kneel Down, I WIN!!!”

Fantasy football is about the joy of victory, but just as much it is about the agony of defeat. For without one, you do not have the other. The ultimate yin/yang. I know there are many that play fantasy football for the monetary reward, but I play, not only for the money, but for the pure enjoyment and fun that comes with winning and losing.

Sunday, October 22, 2006 1:00pm

CAR @ CIN
Carolina is on a roll after their fourth straight win last week against the Ravens and Cincy not only lost to Tampa, they also lost Levi Jones for a month. Carolina takes on their third AFC team in a row and looks to stay unbeaten against them. Cincy is losing players like Ahmad Carroll in the secondary

Jake Delhomme - Of course having Steve Smith helps Jake, his passer rating has been above 90 in each of the games that Smitty has been back. He seems to like the road games, he averages 273 yards passing on the road compared to 175 yards passing at home. His two lowest yardage games this season came when Smith was playing.
DeShaun Foster - After two straight hundred yards games, he ran into a wall known as the Ravens. Expect him to get back on track against one of the poorer run defenses in the league
Steve Smith - He is sixth in the league in yardage and has missed two games. Any questions?

Carson Palmer - The Bengals are getting creamed in the trenches, First the lose Braham at Center and now Levi, ouch. Carolina’s defense gave up some stats against Kyle Boller, so that has to make you feel better, but don’t be surprised if he has a down game.
Rudi Johnson - He only has one hundred yard game this season and with the injuries on the line, he won’t get one this week either.
CJ - I figured that after teams realized that if they shut down CJ, then Housh and crew will beat them, I guess teams would rather have Housh beat them.
Housh - This is the first week that I will rank Housh higher than CJ.


DET @ NYJ
John Kitna is definitely putting up some good numbers in Mike Martz’ offense and beat a pretty good defense in the Bills last week for their first win. This week they take on a Jets team that was able to hold off Miami. The Jets seem to beat the bad teams and lose to the good teams, guess that means a win this week.

John Kitna - Kitna is really starting to connect with Roy Williams, He just needs to curtail the turnovers, 10 in 6 games.
Kevin Jones - Can it be that he is finally living up to the hype that has followed him last year and this one. He finally broke out a hundred yard game last week and has played well sans the Viking game. The Jets couldn’t stop a running back with cement shoes.

Chad Pennington - What team has given up the most passing TD’s in the league? Yes, the Lions.
Leon Washington - The rook has look impressive in his limited chances, but I don’t see Mangini giving him the lead role just yet. Detroit has played the run well, but the loss of Rodgers could thin the line enough for Leon to get the edge and make some plays.
Coles - The NFL two leading receivers are playing in this game and Coles is one of them. My sleeper at WR is asleep no more.


GB @ MIA
The Pack are coming off their bye with a healthy Ahman and Favre coming to the aid of banned teammate Koren Robinson. Hey Brett, he is a lost cause. Miami, once the team considered to overtake New England, now trying to cope with cast off Joey Harrington at QB. Ouch!

Brett Favre - Miami starting CB Travis Daniels is still out, backup CB Andre' Goodman is doubtful with a bad shoulder, another backup CB Michael Lehan left the Jets game with a bad hamstring, and starting SS Traveres Tillman is reportedly about to lose his job. Bombs away.
Ahman GreenAhman Green should have come back next week. Miami is only giving up 3 yrds/carry this year.
Donald Driver - If those ribs are healthy, then he is the #1 guy on the team. The week before the bye, he was barely running off the line and Jennings was the target. If the ribs still hurt him, then Jennings is your man.

Joey Harrington - He will showcase his late game heroics in Miami, oh wait, no he won't he sucks.
Ronnie Brown - Don't give up on Ronnie, He is in line to have a nice week against the Pack.
Chris Chambers - Even with Harrington at QB, Chambers will have a good week. The packers secondary gives up huge plays.


JAX @ HOU
Jacksonville comes off their bye to face a Houston defense that is getting worse by the week. Houston played a half of football before sending out a D-II team in the 2nd Half.

Byron Leftwich - Do you really need me to tell you to start anyone against the Texans?
Fred Taylor - See Leftwich, also, DT Seth Payne is out for the year. So, a weak defense got weaker.
Reggie Williams - Still don’t think that the Jags have a #1, Reggie has only 3 less catches than Wilford and Jones combined.

Andre Johnson - I would only recommend one Texan for this game as they should be getting smoked and Carr seems to have tunnel vision for him worse than Jake ever did for Smith. Now that Moulds is there to take heat off of him, he will always get his catches and Houston is perpetually trailing late.


NE @ BUF
Ho-Hum, New England is 4-1 and leading their division by two games. They come off the bye to take on the Bills who almost beat them in New England if not for a 4th quarter safety. The Bills let the Lions get their first win against them and are not heading in the right direction

Tom Brady - He is not the same consistent fantasy scorer that we have all become accustomed to, but he wins and that is all BB cares about.
Laurence Maroney - He is obviously the more explosive of the two backs in New England and is the feature guy for all intents and purposes.
Ben Watson - He is one guy that I had pegged for a big season that has let me down. With Graham still ailing, he should see a lot of red zone looks.

JP Loseman - New England has only given up 4 TD passes all season and The New England game earlier in the year is the only game Loseman did not throw a TD pass.
Willis McGahee - He has only one good game this year. That game against the Jets is the only game he gets over 4 yards a carry. He has only 1 TD. If you take out that one game against the pitiful Jets run defense, he is averaging 3.4 yds per carry. How much longer until everyone sees that he is not very good.
Lee Evans After a slow start, he has come on strong and is due for some TD’s


PHI @ TB
The EAGLES came back strong last week only to fall short in the end. I will say that I underestimated the Saints and Drew Brees abilities to lead a team. Tampa was another first time winner against the Bengals last week and the Rookie gets to face a defense that leads the league in sacks.

Donavon McNabb - He will be over 2000 yards and we are not even half way through the season. Damn.
Bryan Westbrook - Tampa is giving up almost 150 yards a game on the ground, but that number is skewed by the 300+ they gave up to the Falcons. They stopped Cincy and should stop the Birds attempts. The Eagles are going to need to pass to set up the run in this one.
Reggie Brown - If last week’s game didn’t show you that Reggie Brown is the real deal than you are just ignorant.

Bruce Gradkowski - Dave Attel look-alike gets to see what a real pass rush is like in the NFL.
Cadillac Williams - Teams have been able to run on the Eagles by taking advantage of the pursuit. Caddy could go off if the EAGLES are not ready.


PIT @ ATL
I have always said that when good teams are backed up against a wall and need a win, will get that win more often than not and Pitt showed that last week against the Chiefs. Atlanta once again showed that if you force Vick to beat you with his arm, he cannot.

Ben Roethlisbeger - You know your season is not going well when you get a perfect QB rating in one game and it raises your Rating to just above 60. He threw his two first TD passes after starting the season with 7 interceptions. This week he gets to face another stingy pass defense and on the road. Sit him if you have a better matchup.
Willie Parker - The only way to win this game for the Steelers is to control the ball. The Giants proved that the Falcons can be run on and Fast Willie can run on anybody.
Najeh Davenport - I picked him up in two of my leagues and he paid immediate dividends. If you are in a TD heavy league and he is available, grab him.

Ron Mexico - He can run like a gazelle, but the only thing he can pass is Herpes
Warrick Dunn - Dunn owners finally got a TD from their back on the longest TD run in Falcon history. I have always said that If Dunn scored TD’s, he would be a top 5 fantasy pick.
Atlanta ReceiversThe few passes that happen to enter into the area of a Falcon receiver get dropped anyway, so they are useless in fantasy terms.


SD @ KC
LT put on a show in San Francisco and should continue the onslaught in Kansas City. Huard didn’t have a chance in Pittsburgh considering the urgency that the Steelers needed a win. KC’s defense has been up and down this year, but overall has played better than recent history.

Philip Rivers - He was able to take advantage of Pitt’s smaller DB’s at home and sliced through an extremely permeable Niner defense, but these two corners should be his biggest test to date, especially being on the road.
LT - LT is going to have to one of his games for the Chargers to dominate, otherwise this one will be a low scoring close game.
Antonio Gates - He may only have 255 yards receiving on the year, but half have come in the last two games.

Damon Huard - He thought Pitt had a tough defense.
LJ - He is struggling. Only 3.4 yds per carry against the 49ers is struggling. 3 TD’s for a guy that many thought would get 25+ is struggling. 31 carries for 62 yards in his last two games tells me that he won’t be able to beat SD. NBYS, but I would consider sitting him this week, if I had a guy on the bench with a great matchup.

Sunday, October 22, 2006 4:05pm


DEN @ CLE
Denver has the best defense that no one is paying attention to. The offense is mediocre and that is saved by the play of the defense. They should have destroyed the Raiders, even with the rain and let them stay in it far too long. Cleveland is another team that has a mediocre offense with a defense that plays well at times. The differences between the two are Cleveland’s offense is even more inconsistent and the defense is as well. If they could put together a full game, they could beat most teams. The funny thing is that Denver’s entire defensive line is ex-browns.

Jake Plummer - When I watch Denver play this year, it reminds me of the Bears from last year. Offense sputters and defense plays very well and the team wins, ugly at times.
Tatem Bell - Mike Bell has had 5 carries in two games. We have a #1 back.
Rod Smith - Rod Smith’s #’s are low not because of the new addition on the other side, but rather because of the drop-off from the QB position.

Charlie FryeBeing in this division is tough for a young QB, with all the strong defenses. He is still young and learning and will struggle. I highly doubt that anyone is starting him, unless you are in dire straits.
Rueben Droughns - *Cricket* *Cricket*
Kellen Winslow - I wonder how the loss of his brother will affect him for this week’s game. My thoughts and prayers are with you Kellen.

Sunday, October 22, 2006 4:15


ARI @ OAK
Thank you Arizona for helping me win my game in the Manglerz league. At least Lienart looks like the real deal. If Arizona cannot beat Oakland, then they should just give up. Oakland is another week closer to 0-16 and Brady Quinn. I’ve got it, Al Davis wants Quinn bad enough to tank the season. That is the only reason that I can think that they would hire Art Shell and a Bed & Breakfast Manager to run the offense.

Matt Lienart - If he can pass like that against Chicago, then he should set some records against Oakland
Edge - You cannot say that they are not feeding him the ball. Oakland has had more rushing attempts against them than any other team.
Anquan Boldin - So much for Lienart targeting Johnson the most, Boldin had a lofty 19 looks last week and should have another big week here.

Andrew Walter - Brooks is another week away. Does it really matter?
Randy Moss - He showed some signs of life last week, time to take another week off.


MIN @ SEA
Minnesota sat at home last week and watched their deficit in their division grow thanks to the improbable comeback by the Bears and need to win to keep pace with them. Seattle bounced back from their drubbing by the bears with a win at St Louis in a wild finish.

Chester Taylor - I don’t expect much from him this game. Seattle has handled the run game except for the Bears game, but I don’t expect the Vikings to dominate like the Bears did.

Matt Hasselback - If you go by Matt’s games this year, then this will be a bad game. He started the season with a good game, then played poorly against the Cardinals. He had 5 TD’s the next week against the Giants and then followed it up with 2 Int’s against the Bears. Last week he has his best game of the season with 3TD’s and no Int’s. So, this should be a bad one if he follows suit.
Mo Mo - The Vikings have had a stellar run defense this year and I don’t see much room for Mo or Mack
Deion Branch - He gets into the starting lineup and did something he never did in a Patriot’s uniform, score 2 TD’s in one game. Don’t expect too much after this game though as he has had over 7 catches only 3 times in his career and once was a huge game in 2002.

WAS @ IND
Let me get this straight, Washington beats Jacksonville and then two weeks later loses to the Titans. How much longer until Campbell is playing. The ‘Skins need this game and have to play the Colts in Indy, doesn’t look good. I said earlier that good teams win when backed in a corner and the ‘Skins are just not a good “team.” Indy is 5-0, but just as easily could be 2-3 or worse. The run defense is worse than the Niners and I don’t think trading for McFarland is going to help that much.

Mark Brunell - If you want to know what the definition of aging vet hanging on too long, watch him play.
Clinton Portis - He should shred that defense that gave up 100 yards to the Texan’s offense.
Chris Cooley - I knew he would score last week, I cut him in one of my leagues.
Three Blind Mice - See how they run.

Peyton Manning - He got a bye week to prepare for a team that got beat by the Titans. He is my #1 QB for the week.
Harrison and Wayne - Both these guys will get plenty of opportunities to score.


Monday, October 23, 2006 8:30pm


NYG @ DAL
The Giants are coming off a bye to play on Monday night against a division rival whose coach is more famous for coaching them then the current team he is heading. Dallas got off to a slow start against Houston, but TO got to dance on the star and all was calm in Dallas for a week or so.

Eli Manning - How long into his career will the excuse of being young be able to be used for explanation of his mistakes?
Tiki Barber - Ok, I will never pick Tiki for Bust of the Week again. He does only have one TD so far though.
Jeremey Shockey - He finally shut his mouth and played last week. When he plays like that, he is a must start. Too bad, he doesn’t do that too often.

The Statue - The Giants pass defense is getting better and if the Statue gets in trouble like he did against Philly, then it could be a long night for him.
Julius Jones - He gets all the yards and Barber scores the TD.
Marion Barber - Only worth a start in TD only leagues.
TO - It is hard to get the plays when you are the second favorite target and your QB is on his ass.



















Top 10 QB’s for Week 7
1. Peyton Manning
2. Donavon McNabb
3. Carson Palmer
4. Jake Delhomme
5. Byron Leftwich
6. Brett Favre
7. Eli Manning
8. Matt Lienart
9. Matt Hasselback
10. Tom Brady


















Top 10 RB’s for Week 7
1. Clinton Portis
2. LaDainian Tomlinson
3. Ronnie Brown
4. Brian Westbrook
5. Kevin Jones
6. Fred Taylor
7. Tiki Barber
8. Edgerrin James
9. Larry Johnson
10. Chester Taylor



















Top 10 WR’s for Week 7
1. Steve Smith
2. Marvin Harrison
3. Anquan Boldin
4. Roy Williams
5. Chris Chambers
6. TJ Houshmandzadeh
7. Randy Moss
8. Reggie Wayne
9. Darrell Jackson
10. Reggie Williams

Sleeper of the Week – Tatum Bell
Tatum Bell gets to play the Browns this week. As long as he is the starter, I would start Tatum Bell almost every week. The Browns, although in some close games, only win has come at the hands of the lowly Raiders, and they will struggle to stop the Broncos offense. Denver will look to establish the run early in the game and get Bell plenty of work. Bell should get a ton of touches ad should easily get more than 100 yards and score his second touchdown in as many weeks.

Bust of the Week – Willis McGahee
A staple of bust of the week from last year, Willis goes against a New England defense that is playing better each week. They are only yielding 85 yards on the ground per game and Willis is known to disappear against good run defenses. Look for other options and sit the guy that has only scored once this season.

I know my luck will change at some point during this season, but I am enjoying pretty good success this year and look forward to each week like it is the first of the season. If you are in a bind and need to make a difficult decision, Always go with your gut and don’t look back.

Don’t forget, if you have any WDIS questions, direct them to our very own fantasy prognosticator Lord Helmut or any of the other LR staff at:

asklockeroom@gmail.com