Monday, December 05, 2005

NUFCED by wikkidpissah

Which season comes first – Christmas or cold & flu? See if you can guess which fever I caught. My head feels twice its normal size yet seems so hot & light that I could have easily been the scariest balloon at the Albuquerque Fiesta; my lungs are as painful as a joke from "American Dad" & there are more soiled tissues around my place than at Jacko’s after a "Home Alone" marathon. You’re right – it’s Christmas!

Combine the fact that my creeping crud kept me from going over to my pal’s for the NFLTicket (damn shame, too – he’s a Bengals fan & would have been a fun companion for the Cin-Pgh game) with my concentration on the streaming results being as weak as it is on writing this, and you can tell this is gonna be brief. Let’s get on with it, so I can go back to timing which nostril fills the fastest when I turn from side to side.

IND 35 TEN 3
Wow – now the Indy defense is learning how to kick some ass once the offense gets them their lead. This is getting scary…Scientists tell me there was a Tyrone Calico sighting over Indy today. Hope that doesn’t spoil his appetite for being out ALL of next season.

MIN 21 DET 16
See, Coach Tice, you have your backup RB return kicks while your STARTER rests, OK? Dumbass…Any truth to the rumor that KoRo dropped the game ball?...Gonna have to apologize for my early-season assertion that Minny Def Coord Ted Cottrell couldn’t stop a mosquito with the 81st Airborne – you hold any team at home in a dome (and NOT QB’d by Joey) to 223 yds, you playin’!

CHI 19 GB 7
Another game without a Bears offensive TD, making it four games where da Bears have scored a total of but one TD on a drive longer than 10 yds. And, yes, they’ve won all four…the Bears will regret, even at the risk of disrupting team continuity, not giving Rex a look if he’s healthy. Kyle Orton’s making me miss Craig Krenzel….I really thought the Packers could take over the turnover lead from the Saints this week but each team dug down & found four more apiece.

CAR 24 ATL 6
DeShaun finally DeLivers on DePromise he showed with DeBruins…This is the kind of game I thought the Cats would be playing all season – conservative, competent, dominant…Well, the WCO gets closer each week to robbing MrMexico of whatever Kavorka he used to have.

JAX 20 CLE 14
Lemme ‘splain, def coords everywhere – rookie QBs should be blitzed from some part of the field on EVERY passing down. The Jags didn’t catch on ‘til the 2nd half & almost lost because of it…Charlie looked better than Orton ever has & he and the other rook seemed to have a connection before Braylon got hurt….Careful not to overrate GJones – he has gained most of his yds late against worn-out or prevent defenses.

BAL 16 HOU 15
Another in an ever-increasing number of UgBowls this season..Was really hoping the Texans could muddy the GetBush (don’t watch college football much, but this bug had me in bed to watch the Battle of the Southland yesterday – now I understand what all the fuss was about) standings by winning this’n.

NYG 17 DAL 10
Key to this game was that the Gints’ bookends of Strahan & Umenargay (whatever) were in the backfield before the ball all day…Yes, he was playing a good (& underrated) Parcells D, but Eli is regressing bigtime.

AZ 17 SF 10
These Cards are a HORRIBLY drilled team – I don’t think they had a series all day that wasn’t disrupted in a huge way by offensive penalties. That’s how they were able to stay out of the end zone for three quarters against a defense that’s as bad as the Bears offense…They also allowed ASmith to carve em up pretty good til he remembered that he sucked.

CIN 38 PGH 31
Game of the day…the Bengals are only thiiis far behind the Colts on offense, but they really require some helmet-to-helmet carnivores on that defense to enter elite status…Gutsy game by an obviously hurting BigBen today…If a team had SSmith & HWard as their WRs, I don’t think even KOrton could fuck it up.

TB 10 NO 3
If Galloway wasn’t busting a nut getting open, Baby Simms would be TOTALLY lost out there…First A-Train sighting in Baton Rouge today (one carry) – still can’t figure out why he didn’t sign with someone who would use him.

MIA 24 BUF 23
The IMMORTAL SAGE ROSENFELS strikes again – now if he could only play like this when a defense gameplans for him…CChambers helped Sage today like Holt helped Fitz last week…Prevent offense strikes again!!! Here’s the outcome of the Bills’ possessions after the remarkable 1st quarter Loseman-Evans hat trick:
1st dn on def penalty – then 3-&-out
Drive for the Ages – 1 1st dn

WAS 24 STL 9
Washington was the one team that understood the concept of blitz-the-rookie-QB-til-u-die this week….Fitz wil be a top-flight QB in the NFL, but it wont be this or next season. He’s got a quality, but the progressions are just too much for a 1AA rook…Props to the Professor for figuring out that Clintoris would have a big day after I dropped him in Deathmatch.

NE 16 NYJ 3
Who the hell is this new-fangled Dillon/Faulk RB tandem the Pats came up with THIS week?!...When you’re trying to hang on until JFiedler gets healthy, you’re in some bigass trouble

KC 31 DEN 27
Reason Broncs lost today: JPlummer’s strength is play-action, but you can’t have play-action timing with a Cerberus (look it up) at running back. Shanny was actually alternating all three of them play-for-play at one point. Tater averaged 9 yds/carry against KC last time, but didn’t touch the ball til the 2nd half here, then averaged, yup, 9yds/carry. How can one coach be sooo smart & soooo stupid at once?…Except for Mia’s IMMORTAL Miracle, this was one of only two watchable games all day. That’s pretty sad out of 15 games.

SD 34 OAK 10
These Raiders are waaay too talented a team to be playing out the string this early…Coaches I would’ve fired before Mooch (whose major failings were a bad taste in GMs & being stuck with the most chickehshit QB in football history): Norv, Dom, Big Fat Stoopid MinnyMike, Hazmat, Denny. And there are several tied with Mooch for sixth….Boy, you could hear the suck of retracting gonads among FFB players nationwide when LT2 went to the LOCKERROOM toward the end of the 1st half.

Well, now that I’ve made the creative-writing error of mentioning gonad-retraction two weeks in a row, I gotta hang it up. It’s times of poor health like these when I most miss my wife’s get-well-soon regimen of headpats & hummers. What can I say? She couldn't make soup. Play hard -

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