Saturday, September 23, 2006

On The Hash... Marks (Special "Michigan is Better than Catholicism" Edition!!!!11!!~!)

Hail! to the victors valiant
Hail! to the conqu'ring heroes
Hail! Hail! to Michigan
the leaders and best
Hail! to the victors valiant
Hail! to the conqu'ring heroes
Hail! Hail! to Michigan,
the champions of the West!

1. Ohio St.
2. Auburn
3. USC (+1)
4. Florida (+2)
5. Michigan (+10... fuck yeah)
6. West Virginia (+1)
7. Iowa (+1)
8. Louisville (+4)
9. LSU (-4)
10. Texas (-1)
11. Georgia (-1)
12. Oregon (+8)
13. Notre Dame (-10... fuck yeah)
14. Arizona St. (+3)
15. TCU (+3)
16. Virginia Tech (+6)
17. Oklahoma (-6)
18. Boston College (+5)
19. Tennessee (-3)
20. Clemson (NR)
21. Alabama (+3)
22. Boise St. (+3)
23. Michigan St. (NR)
24. Nebraska (-3)
25. FSU (-12)

#1 & #2 the only thing that stays the same from last week.

Michigan up 10, Notre Dame down 10... Fuck yeah.

Louisville makes its way into the top 10, well done fellas.

BC, Va Tech, Oregon move waaaay up, Oklahoma, and FSU move waay down.

Everyone welcome Michigan St. to the top 25, and welcome back Clemson.

Heisman Race:
1. Troy Smith QB tOSU
177.4QBRat 769yds 7TDs 0INTs
Prediction: vs. PSU 14-20 220yds 3TDs

2. Adrian Peterson RB Ok
90rush 515yds 537ypc 4TDs
3rec 75yds 1TD
Prediction: vs Mid-Tenn 20rush 200yds 2TDs

3. John David Booty QB USC
158.2QBRat 518yds 6TDs 0INTs
Prediction: @ 'Zona 26-39 285yds 2TDs

4. Chris Leak QB UF
177.5QBRat 799yds 10TDs 3INTs
Prediction: vs. UK 15-28 285yds 4TDs

5. Steve Slaton RB WVU
62rush 503yds 8.1ypc 6TDs
Prediction: @ ECU 25rush 175yds 2TDs

Honorable Mention: Jonathan Stewart, Calvin Johnson, Ian Johnson, Mario Manningham, Brady Quinn (Mwahahahah....)

Last Week: 12-4-1
Overall: 41-18-1

Wisconsin +13.5 Michigan
To start, let me just say how happy I am about last week's win. I gave us very little chance but we came out, go the early turnover and never looked back. Can we switch Mario Manningham's number to #1 in the middle of the season? Please? As for this week, I think a two TD victory is a bit much considering the letdown possibilities coming off a win like the ND one. I'm guessing it'll be a low scoring, old school Big Ten game.

Mich 17 Wisc 10

Nebraska -23.5 Troy
Troy kept it close with FSU earlier this year, and made me look stupid, but looking stupid is something I thrive on.

Neb 29 Troy 3

Louisville -14 Kansas St.
Either Vegas is taking into account the letdown game, or they're just looking at K-State's 3-0 record and figuring, "Hey, they must be decent." Long gone are the days of Ell Roberson and Darren Sproles, and the days of being competitive with top 10 teams. Of course, if they cover, this is all null... and possibly a little void as well.

Louis 31 KSt. 10

Georgia -27 Colorado
My god has Dan Hawkin's offense been terrible. Worse than any pop culture reference I'm about to make. Worse than the fact our species as regressed to the point where a Jackass TWO needed to be made (told you so). Matt Stafford's still in the learning process, but UGA's stoud defense, and triple threat rushing attack is enough to cover.

UGA 28 CU 0

Iowa St. +25 Texas
I'm just so in love with ISU's triplets of Bret Meyer, Todd Blythe, and Stevie Hicks (who, let's hope never makes the NFL so we won't have to deal with Berman's Fleetwood Mac references. We should just kill "Da Shwam.") that I can't bet against them. It's a terrible thing I've developed. How could this happen to me? Me, a meer boy on The Edge of Seventeen (Mwahahaha!)

Tx 38 ISU 24

Ohio St. -16.5 Penn St.
The Buckeyes already got retribution on Texas for last years loss, and their revenge tour continues this week with a win over Joe Pa anf the fam. Tamba Hali dominated tOSU in last years game, but he isn't there any more. Neither is Michael Robinson and his ability to make 4-5 plays a game running the ball. Morelli is good, but he's not ready to beat tOSU.

tOSU 30 PSU 12

Now onto everyone's favorite part of the column, shit games I don't really feel like writing about. HELLZ YEAH! Virginia tech-26.5 Cincy, Auburn -42 Buffalo, FSU -30.5 Rice, Oklahoma -28.5 Mid-Tennessee, LSU -36 Tulane. No top 25 games without a line this week... but there probably should be.

Arizona St. +8 California
ASU is, of course, another one my my "teams I enjoy for no apparent reason." I don't see this game being decided by more than a touchdown, and on top of that I see ASU winning. They have the best pass rush in the nation going up against and O-line that lost 2 All-American calibur players. The Sun Devils' also have an offense capable of competing with anyone in the nation. Their 3 week stretch of @ Cal, vs. Oregon, and @ USC will decide how good they are.

ASU 34 Cal 31

Clemson -16.5 North Carolina
My erection for the Clemson Tigers will not subside so long as that kick ass defense, and running game are still their. The offense hasn't missed a beat with Will Proctor taking over, which is a shame if you're a Tar Heel fan. That Joe Dailey is a bit overrated. So much so he was benched in favor of redshirt freshman Cam Sexton, who I can only assume is related who Wyatt, as Cam was recruited by FSU. Not sure which name I like better. Both have a great porno cheesiness about them, however Wyatt's bizarre "I am the son of god" trip, followed by his subsequent missing of the season for "lyme disease" reeks of concipiracy, and therefor makes Wyatt and infinitely more entertaining figure. However, there's still time for young Cam to claim to be a deity, and catch an obscure disease. But now I'm just getting off topic...

Clem 36 UNC 13

Tennessee -22 Marshall
As much as I hate pick Phil Fullmer to win anything, I went with Marshall to keep a game close earlier this year and got burned. The only herd thundering this weekend will Wikkid's thighs rubbing together as he searches up and down Wal-Mart for a malnourished baby to steal.

Ten 27 Marsha (tee hee!) 3

West Virginia -21 East Carolina
I hear Jeff Blake has one game of eligibility left, and will be coming back to start this game. That's just me kidding around of course, but I'm sure ECU will come out playing hard to get the upsetat home. Of course they won't, as they are much less talented, but it'll be fun to watch. The same way watching a roach struggle for survival in the toilet is fun to watch.

WVU 43 ECU 20

Florida -26.5 Kentucky
I'm liking this UF team more and more each week. The 4th quarter rally in Tennessee is a win that teams who have great seasons look back at and say, "From that point on, we knew we weren't going to lose." Of course I'm just assuming they say that, as I've never been apart of a team that's ever won anything.

UF 47 UK (or are they "KU?") 17

Boise St. -14.5 Hawaii
Ian Johnson has brought back the coolness that is the successful white running back. Everyone, send your card and fruit baskets to thank him.

BSt. 33 Hawaii 17

Iowa -21 Illinois
Only chance I've gotten to see Illinois this season they were blown away by Rutgers. Their offense looked less lively than... *contemplating which dead person I should make fun of*... Their offense looked less lively than... Shit, how can I turn this into a joke about how I don't think Dane Cook's funny? Whatever, just insert the Steve Irwin joke you all were sure I was going to make. As for Iowa, they're still my pick to with the Big 10. Even with how well Ohio St. & Michigan have been playing, I'll stick with the Hawkeyes as long as Drew Tate stays healthy.

Iowa 34 Ill (that doesn't look right... Iowa 34 the 3rd? Is their any blog that makes less of an attempt to look professional than this one? Oh yeah, the score...) 7

Boston College -7 NC State
Of course last season I decided to never take the road team in an ACC game when they're favored by more than a field goal, but I've been way to successful thus far, and that's going to need to stop.

BC 16 NC St. 7

Upset Special (2-1): Arizona +22 USC
If there were ever a "trap game" this is it. Mike Stoops' bunch should play like this is their national title game. Admitted I don't know much about this Arizona team without Mike Bell, but I'm trusting in the Stoops name to hold USC within 20 points.

USC 31 'Zona 20

**~**$Creek's 5-Star, No Doubt, Money-Making *dramatic music, extreme closeup* LOCK OF THE WEEK**~** (2-1): Notre Dame -3 Michigan St.
The subject of revenge has seem to come up a bit in today's column. Michigan St. pulled of the mega-upset last year in this game, which started a wave of flag planting by away teams the likes of which we've never before seen. Jesus and the Fat Man pull out the win, and probably in convincing fashion. Which is my favorite kind of fashion. Screw you, bohemian chic.

ND 27 MSt 10


CC said...

i want you big time


cartman clone

Professor Ellis D Trails said...

so much for the 5 star lock of the week, more like push of the week, LOL