WETBOAT'S SUNDAY MUSINGS, WEEK 10

If your sushi looks like this, don't eat it.

THINK IT WAS SOMETHING I ATE

Once more, I’m late with my article, for the second time in 3 weeks. Blame it on bad sushi I ate Saturday night. I went to a Japanese restaurant with my girlfriend, and had tuna and avocado rolls, a spicy California roll, and some good wine. We went on to meet friends at an upscale bar nearby – and, there, I started doubling over in pain and staggered around the floor, attracting notice. The bartender thought I was drunk, so he told the bouncer to kick me out of the bar. Overnight, my constant companion was my girlfriend’s bathroom toilet, and I was laid up in bed until 2 pm Sunday afternoon – too late for me to make my Sunday morning fantasy football lineup changes, including Mewelde Moore in my Egern Ojne league (GBin, if you coulda alerted me on my Blackberry while I was throwing up into the toilet....)

Once I recovered enough to find my legs and hobble out of bed, I flipped on the television in time to find the New York Giants locked in a mortal battle with the Minnetonka Love Boats in the fourth quarter. Delighted to see the Love Boats scoring as many points as they did, I quickly checked Yahoo! Sports for stats on the Love Boat players on my fantasy teams, including Moore, Brad Johnson and Nate Burleson. Well, WTF?!? None of them scored or made much of an offensive performance. ALL the touchdowns were scored on an interception return, a punt return and a kickoff return! This wasn’t helping my throbbing headache, and I was tempted to run to the bathroom and lose my cookies all over again.

I moved on to the 4:00 game between the Washington Redskins and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Just as I was about to settle down and enjoy watching my favorite team on TV, my girlfriend’s toilet overflowed. Had to spend a half-hour fixing the toilet and making sure it worked fine. Then I had to take a shower to clean myself (you know what I mean when I had to fix the toilet). By the time I finally returned to the TV, it was already the 3rd quarter, and it was already a very ugly, stomach-turning contest. Didn’t help that in the waning minutes, the Redskins got called for penalties two straight times on Tampa Bay’s game-tying extra-point kick, and seeing Chucky Gruden call in his offense to try a god-freakin’ TWO point conversion!!!

It was a very, very bad day. Moral of the story: when the shit flows, it REALLY flows.