The Professor's Weekly Lesson

So, here it is. I am somehow supposed to jump in for the vaunted Archer and Wikkid. These are certainly some large shoes to fill, but I appreciate the opportunity. I will take you all on a journey through week nine in the ever growing parity that is the NFL.

Miami +2.5 vs. Atlanta – Michael Vick has got a great set of legs. Too bad that’s all he’s got. This guy has trouble throwing a rock into the ocean. Atlanta has the best rush offense in the league and a great defense. Too bad they stink on the road. Miami has been an enigma this year, but plays much better at home.

Carolina +1.5 @ Tampa Bay – How does Carolina beat New England but lose to New Orleans. How does Tampa roll off to a 4-0 start and also lose to the Jets and San Francisco. Thank you, free agency. Simms couldn’t get it done against one of the worst DEF. How does he cope against a good one. This one comes down to the Kickers.

Cincinnati –3 @ Baltimore – Carson torched the Ravens last year for 698 yds 3 TD’s and 4 ints with Reed and Lewis in the defensive backfield. This time he gets to play against them without those two there. I can just see his eyes getting wider. Baltimore’s offense is about as menacing as a kitten with a ball of string.

Detroit – 1 1/2 @ Minnesota – Minnesota is a bad team. However, hey suck a little less at home. With C-Pep out, the Vikings season turned from promise to poison. I find they have less and less to play for. Garcia is just happy to be a starter again and should be able to find a rhythm this weekend. I think I saw Harrington trying to get Kurt’s old job as stock boy at the grocery store.

Jacksonville –13.5 vs. Houston – Houston got their one win last week, this week they have no chance, none, zip. However a 13 1/2 point spread is a lot, but not too much. I don’t think that the Texans can score a point against JAX. David will get a nice view of the Jacksonville sky. To compound the pain, Houston’s defense is awful. It may a large spread, but they’ll cover as the Texans ride their way to the #1 draft pick.

Oakland +4.5 @ Kansas City – This one should be a good ol' barnburner. These two teams combined for 122 points in two games last season and are bitter rivals. If the Monday Night game didn’t involve who it does, this one might have been my game of the week. Despite what McNabb did against them, KC is not that bad against the pass, but Lamont should have another big week. I look to this one to be high scoring with KC pulling it out at home, but only by a field goal and obviously not covering the spread.

San Diego – 5.5 @ New York Jets – The Chargers are awful at trying to stop opposing Quarterbacks, but the Jets have an awful passing attack. LT will do everything again and win this one for b-o-l-t-s bolts bolts bolts.

Tennessee + 3 @ Cleveland – Steve McNair will be the intangible that gives Tennessee the victory on the road this week. I hope Rueben can go the whole game without hitting the bottle.

New Orleans +3 vs. Chicago @ (Baton Rouge) – Chicago has a great defense, that’s true. You know what, Chicago has a putrid offense. New Orleans isn’t much better. Brooks has not had a good game in a while, so he might show up. Can anyone say snoozefest? Low scoring one point victory by the Saints is what I see. A home underdog is an insult even in Baton Rouge.

New York Giants –10.5 @ San Francisco – That Giant offense is truly becoming a giant offense. I wonder if Cody Pickett thinks that he is going to start out his career 2-0. Hmmm, No. New York will roll to victory. This one could get laughable. LOCK OF THE WEEK

Seattle –5.5 @ Arizona – Seattle won 37-12 earlier this season and Shawn Alexander was a monster. I know Halloween is over, but not for the Cardinals. I see no reason this won’t happen again. Kurt Warner returns for the Cardinals, meaning more opportunities for the Seahawks to score. Trick or Treat, Arizona. You lose.

Green Bay +6 vs. Pittsburgh – All the chips are stacked against Brett and the Pack. The thing is, that’s when Brett is at his best. Pittsburgh is going to eat some cheese this weekend and it’s not going to be blue. More like black and blue

Philadelphia +2.5 @ Washington – Sunday Night – I can be objective, but Andy Reid never loses back-to-back games. Last week was the real Mark Brunell, this trend will continue. I remember a couple years back when Philly went into Washington and people were talking, but when it was all said and done, Philly blasted them to kingdom come. With two conference losses and one in the division, The Eagles need this one.

Indianapolis – 3.5 @ New England - Monday Night – This one is my Game of the Week. Peyton has thrived against opposing defenses, but just cannot seem to beat these guys. This year the Colts have had a philosophy about football. Run, to set up the pass, to set up the run and, oh yeah, play stellar defense. This game should look just like many of the games these two teams have recently played. Just imagine it the other way around. The odds makers made this a three and a half point spread to mess with you. This one won’t even be close and I know that Peyton is going to savor this one like Oprah with a box of Krispie Kremes.

This is somewhat strange for me as I usually am a proponent of taking the home teams. This week I took 10 of the road teams to cover. That says a lot of the state of our beloved game. I look forward to providing you with more insight in the weeks to come. Now I must go take my medicine, or the voices will come back and I don’t know what I’ll do if the voices come back. Damn Acid.

Here’s your top Fantasy Performer’s for the Week.

Top QB’s for Week Nine

1. Peyton Manning
2. Carson Palmer
3. Trent Green
4. Eli Manning
5. Kerry Collins
6. Tom Brady
7. Brett Favre
8. Donavon McNabb
9. Byron Leftwich
10. Ben Roethlisberger (Questionable)

Top RB’s for Week Nine

1. Shawn Alexander
2. LaDanian Tomlinson
3. Edgerrin James
4. Tiki Barber
5. Priest Holmes (Larry Johnson if Holmes is hurt)
6. Lamont Jordan
7. Kevin Jones
8. Rudi Johnson
9. Fred Taylor
10. Brian Westbrook

Top WR’s for Week Nine

1. Randy Moss
2. Chad Johnson
3. Steve Smith
4. Marvin Harrison
5. Plaxico Burress
6. Larry Fitzgerald
7. Hines Ward
8. Joe Horn
9. Jimmy Smith
10. Reggie Wayne

Top TE’s for Week Nine

1. Antonio Gates
2. Jeremy Shockey
3. Tony Gonzalez
4. The Res

Top K for Week Nine

1. Put all their names in a hat and pick one out

Top DEF for Week Nine

1. Jacksonville
2. Cincinnati
3. New York Giants

Sleeper of The Week

Courtney Roby – No, He wasn’t the lead singer for Hole. That’s Courtney Love. This guy looked great in his first start and McNair looked his way often. Look for him to have 75 yards and a TD this week.

Bust of The Week

Mark Brunell – Don’t let what Jake Plummer did against the Eagles last week fool you. Andy Reid rarely loses two in a row and Jim Johnson surely doesn’t have two poor performances by his defense in a row. Another thing, Reid’s Eagles always show up for Primetime. Watch how many people want to drop Brunell after this week.

Always go with your gut and don’t look back.