Monday, January 30, 2006

NUFCED by wikkidpissah

I was gonna fill this Taint Week space with a lameass Peter King-type "Things I'd like to see" column with items like "No matter how distinguished their sporting careers, I'd like to see all commentators exhibit the ability to communicate in a language other than Ebonics before they are hired" but then I'd have to thin out the racist implications with a PC qualification and include some Bill Walton reference like, "It would also be nice if they were able to converse in more than the overstatement of Deadhead stoned revelation" so I thought "screw it" and decided to use the time to recognize what got us to this point and outline the direction in which we'll be heading. Cool - I think I just broke my longest-sentence record. Let me begin by stating how proud I am of our contributing editors - we have provided daily content for almost five months with but a handful of exceptions and more column space than the entire Fanball staff in that time. More than that, these excellent people have proved my contention that an entire sports season can be covered in full with abundant irreverence and willful ignorance of the 40 time of Samkon Gado or how many times Fred Taylor pulls his groin. That the size of our audience has yet to meet that of our talent and commitment is unfortunate, but shouldn't detour our course. Thank you to Creekie - when your burgeoning talent finds its true outlet, we shall all be in for a treat; Sir Rufus Wetboat - offering you a column as a courtesy for being our tech admin proved to be my best decision of the season, for you are becoming a columnist with whom any pro would have to reckon; Jimed, your service to our country is an inspiration, to your readers a boon, to me a blessing; Ahem - even the most rogue organization needs one grownup and your class and calm have kept the ship righted; though now departed from our ranks, without Archer on our team at the start, I never would have given this a try; and our newbies: Noodles - when you agreed to fill our final opening, I knew I'd struck the balance to make this a going concern and you proved me right; and Professor - by stepping in on short notice to replace Archer for the most demanding column we offer, you did us great service and, with your growth into the job, made our hopes brighter. My gratitude and affection to you all.

Now, the future. We will continue to offer regular, if not daily, content throughout the offseason. Mr. Ellipsis and I are pretty big baseball fans and may have something to offer in that regard. Creek and the Professor (good sitcom title) are sports omnivores and will weigh in as the inspiration strikes (highlighted by the young'un's Mel Kiper impression, of course). This, plus Jimed's vacation in Kuwait, leaves an abundance of open column space. Should any of our readers imagine themselves blogmasters, now is the time to find out. One can either make completed submissions for consideration at or contact me at that address for my help in developing your take on things. Please remember that point-of-view and taste-for-absurdity counts more at LOCKERROOM than talent or experience. All inquiries will receive a response.

Your humble columnist shall return next week to review the Steelers decisive 27-14 victory in SBXL. Til then - play hard.

1 comment:

Professor Ellis D Trails said...

Thanks wikkid,

you are the backbone of this site and inspire me to to do the best that I can