Saturday, August 06, 2005

Creek Covers: The American Bowl

Falcon's QB Michael Vick, happy the American bowl isn't being played in Mexico!

Well, this is the first installment in what will be a running series. Basically, it's just a cheap knock-off of the Sports Guy's diaries, but with a new name & more death threats. Plus, I'd like to think that mine is funnier, but maybe that's just me. Anways, I got up early today (4:30 EST) for the beginning of football season. The American bowl, the only bowl less competitive than the " Humanitarian Bowl" was being played in Japan this year, and is a match up of the two losers of the conference championship games, the Atlanta Falcons, and the Indianapolis Colts. So with out further ado, let the preseason begin!

5:01: What a lame intro for ESPN. It's only preseason! (Then why am I up at 5:00 in the morning?)

5:03: Why are the player Intros in english? What a slap in the face to the people of Japan. 1st Hiroshima & Nagasaki, now this!

5:04: Do all the Japanese throw like girls?

5:09:Everytime Vick rolls out, I'm pretty sure you can hear all of Atlanta holding their collective breaths.

5:11: Vick (playing with a "God, japanese women are the shizznit!" look) throws a INT on the opening drive. It's not the 1st time someone caught something from him, ain't that right, Ron Mexico?

5:13: The Colts start with the no huddle. See how easy it is Donovan? Just call the play from the line! (Yes, I'm bitter!)

5:18: The fans in Japan have "thunder sticks"... It's too bad I already made my A-bomb joke.

5:20: TD Colts. Troy "Remember when I owned the Pac 10?" Walters scores. 7-0 Colts. I need a McMuffin right now like you couldn't believe!

5:22 What's up with the "Mike's Hard Lemonade" ads? Why don't the other bottles talk? It's just one bottle that can talk & he talks to other humans? How does that makes sense? Someone needs to get fired over this! What do you mean I have no life?

5:28: I don't know who's less happy to be in Japan, Edgerrin James, or Mike Tirico.

5:34: 2 completed passes in a row to Dez White. Maybe something to watch out for? I don't think any position on a specific team has been avoided like the Falcons wide receivers in the history of fantasy football. People are staying away from Peerless Price like Joe Johnson is staying away from success.

5:37: How did Mike Vick get his cornrows done in Japan? You think he flew his hair stylist halfway around the world to do it? I'm going to go ahead & say he did.

5:40: FG Falcons. 7-3 Colts. 2nd quarter just started. Anybody know when "Strathmore Bagels" opens? It is walking distance for me.

5:43: My favorite part of preseason: Young Players getting a shot to do something, and completely blowing it. The kicker, who they brought along to be a "kickoff specialist" just booted a ball out of bounds. Way to go, kid.

5:46:I know it has nothing to do with anything, but a note to women (& gay men): Cheerleading is not a sport!

5:48: Let's get something straight, I love Cato June, but the fact that he is one of the Colts top starters, lets me know that the Colts will not win the superbowl this year. Speaking of Michigan, Marlin Jackson just killed someone. Film at 11:00.

5:52: Another Atlanta FG. That's it, I'm starving, I'm getting some cereal damn it!

5:57: Back with some Corn Pops! Gotta have my Pops!

6:01: Wow... in honor of Jason Wright's dropped handoff, I will breakout the, "Bless his heart, he's got to be the sickest man in America!" TD Colts 14-6. Kendyll Pope just got a gift on that one. (Which I'm sure he's used to being he went to FSU & all.

6:10: TD Falcons. 13-14. Brian Finneran almost blew the dunk on the goalpost. Gotta love white people!

6:11: Matt Schaub may be the best preseason QB of all-time.

6:17: Aaron Moorehead fumbles. He's no Troy Walters, I'll tell you that much!

6:24: Fred McCrary just made a bumbling, stumbling, bobbling catch for a TD. 20-14 Falcons in the lead. A general rule of thumb: Anytime a fullback touches the ball, comedy ensues.

6:27: Time for the Coors light halftime show! Which means I have to put away the clothes I bought yesterday...damn back-to-school...

6:52: Anything funnier than Mort' asking Edge to explain the meaning of the word, "right" in the sentence, "I got to do right by the big man?". I think not!

6:54: It's possible that "Quite Frankly" may edge out "Seinfeld" reruns for the coveted 6:30 spot in my TV scheduele.

6:57: 3 plays, 3 sacks. Jim Sorgi may die before the game is over. It could happen.

7:03: I think we've had approximately 174 flags thrown on the last 4 plays. Yay preseason!

7:07: Jim Sorgi knows he's allowed to throw the ball, right? Another flag...That's it, I'm taking a shower!

7:23: Random thoughts from in the shower:

I bet I could take Shawn Bradley in a one-on-one game.

I haven't made nearly enough Ron Mexico jokes.

I wonder if the president has been assassinated since I got in the shower?

7:28: My thoughts on Roddy White:

I really love his talent, and I thought he would be a steal to whatever team got him. But I don't see him working on the Falcons. He has all the talent in the world, but I don't see a wide reciever putting up big numbers with Michael Vick as his QB. Still, Roddy has enough talent that people will notice him, and when his rookie deal is up, I expect him to get a pretty decent pay day. (As I say this, he drops a TD)

7:43: TD Jason Wright. 27-14, Falcons. If Mike Golic uses the word "redeemed" to describe Jason Wright one more time, I will karate chop him in the throat.

7:53: An old big ten favorite, John Standeford, just caught a TD. Makes you wonder where Vinny Sutherland is right now, doesn't it? 27-21.

7:58: I wonder if Mike Vick & Kobayashi know each other. For some reason, I think they would be good friends.

8:04: Do the refs really need the NFL logo on their hats?

8:07: Peyton Manning is basically the offensive coordinator of the Colts at this point, right? I mean, there's a minute left in a preseason game, and he's barking out orders at the chain crew, the quarterback, the peanut guy in section C. Is there a player in sports middle-aged white guys like more? I think not.

8:09: Well, after a sack and a kneel, this one's over, folks. Entertaining, for a preseason game, and it signifies that FOOTBALL IS BACK, BABY!!!!


Watership2 said...

they have a peanut guy in Japan?!?

Creek! said...

Sorry, he was barking at the fortune cookie guy. Happy?

Anonymous said...

Really good Creek. You're almost on Simmons' level which is pretty darn good.

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