NUFCED by wikkidpissah

SPORTS HEAVEN

Super Bowls should not be played indoors.

I like spectacle as much as the next guy. Super Bowls are spectacular. The NFL Championship lends itself to extravaganza because football’s armored players & martial aspects give it greater visual appeal & event quality than any other sport. In the last decade or so, however, this spectacle has come very close to making the game secondary to its production values. This year it crossed the line & I think that was because it was played inside. Put SBXL in Miami or San Diego and all you’d get is some publicity-puffed singer doing the Anthem, some fighter planes would buzz the joint and you’d play the game. Indoors, the production falls prey to the dreams and ambitions of every publicist, ad exec and segment producer connected to the operation. And, in their rush to be the Barnums and Berkeleys of event broadcasting, they forgot that the reason everybody was there was for a football game to determine the most significant title in sports.

Generally, I avoid the interminable pre-game activity & analysis. If I gotta spend four hours watching even the commercials, I ain’t gonna spend the three hours before it being told what to expect. I’m in the kitchen with the girls (and closer to the hot wings, of course). So I take my spot about 15 minutes before game time and they got Super Bowl MVP’s (all walking funny) and Anthemites all over the freakin’ place and nobody practicing football. The Steelers have an offense based on timing plays and Seahawk coach Mike Holmgren was among the original innovators of the timing-play attack. But the practice vital to success in these systems was brushed aside here by some production assistant who didn’t think enough streamers were being unfurled in the lower left quadrant of your screen or because they’re wheeling Aretha onto the field. And guess what? The first half of the game which six months of blood & sweat, dreams & disappointments have pointed to was played by two totally out-of-sync teams. The Steelers couldn’t get it together and the Seahawks couldn’t avoid penalties on their biggest plays. And it is spectacle’s fault.

Super Bowls should not be played indoors.

One more anti-capitalist rant: 12 ounces of cola cost four cents to produce - I’ve paid up to $1.50 for a can. 12 ounces of lager cost seven cents to produce - I’ve paid as much as six bucks for a bottle. Marketing is the reason I’m paying up to a 10,000% markup. Few of us will see any of the 118 footballs alternated into each play for commemorative purposes or meet one the 118 luxury-boxed fatcats who’ll receive one of them. I’m still trying to figure out whose enjoyment of the NFL Championship was enhanced by the seven-story high image of Ruthlessbergerfrickle projected on a building across from Ford Field. The squillions of $$$ spent on production & airing of commercials convincing us to increase our fluid intake needn’t even be mentioned. It's us paying for all of that, you know. We should stop doing that. I’m gonna go try and figure out how we can – I’ll let you know. But, first, SBXL game action:

Fan or Referee?

PGH 21 SEA 10

The Interception Bowl – my memory is terrible for these kinds of things, but I can’t remember a play that turned a SB around like the Herndon int. I mean, this thing was OVER (though it shouldn’t have been – no way shouldn’t the ‘Hawks have been up two TDs in the 1st half) until Big Ben throws the worst SB flat pass since Theisman-to-Squirek. Then, when Seattle had all the mo, Taylor’s pick returns the favor...My SB MVP: DeShea Townsend – he did a beautiful job on single coverage all day (his get-behind-the-receiver-and-slow-him-down-without-contact stuff was the best I’ve ever seen) and his sack of Hass late sealed the game...For the record: the pushoff call on DJax WAS justified, Ruthlessbergerfrickle was NOT in and the worst call actually went against the Steelers (blowing the whistle on JStevens fumble-ruled-incompletion early in the 2nd Q). I didn’t think the refereeing was as bad (nor as "biased") as the forum-posters do, but this was easily the worst post-season for officiating ever...Proof I am a football genius: chose Steelers, in this space, as SB champs before the playoffs began (though over Carolina) and exact margin of victory (called it 24-13)...Sweet call on Randle El-to-Ward. Hard to believe they’ve never used that play before...Best image of the day: Steelers’ owner doing handjive in congratulating a player after the game.

Well, it’s been a pleasure serving you in LOCKERROOM’s inaugural season. I’ll weigh in occasionally until baseball season begins, when I shall return to a weekly column on The Pastime. One last word on the hype: did you see the Taco Bell commercial where the nerd guy was driving a convertible eating a taco-wrapped-in-a-tortilla-wrapped-in-a-party-hat and a nerd girl on the sidewalk gave him the “good-to-go” sign? Am I the only one who wished he had licked two fingers then returned an inverted version of the salute? Giggity-giggity. Play hard -