Monday, August 14, 2006

Greetings from the Shit II by Jimed

REVENGE, a dish best served cold.

By now, most of you know that I have been mobilized to the sands of Kuwait, with frequent trips into Iraq....blah blah blah......I'm not here to speak about that, but to speak of the dirty underhanded near-felonious act that has been perpatrated upon poor little innocent (yeah right) me. Over in the NFL 192 man league, Buffygirl from fanball, or Pitt5 in the NFL league, have been having a running banter, that at times, has left the entire chat room either stunned, or slack jawed...your choice. Anywho, we have traded emails, and Buffy included a link to her myspace page. Now, I have never been on myspace due to the fact that I have heard nothing but bad things, such as pedophiles, sexual predators, and loose women (yeah right). The government internet gurus have it as a prohibited site for that reason, and have blocked it for that reason.So I decided to check out Buffys page (Nice eye, Buffy), which meant a trip to the internet cafe (yep, same one as before, sans exotic photo), and clicked on Buffy's page link. The myspace home page came up, and informed me that I had to be a member to preform this function. It then directed me to an enrollment page. Being afraid, but not wanting to hurt Buffys feelings (yeah right), I input the required information, to enroll. I then got a screen, informing me that I had input the wrong password. I then tried again, thinking I had rushed & missed something on the page. Turns out I didn't, & I got the same message. I have never been there, nor had I even thought about becoming a member, so I asked my buddy (same one as with the thumb drive) if I was doing something wrong, as I knew he had been a member of the site. He tried with the information I gave him, with the same results. Perplexed, he turned to his computer, and logged himself onto myspace. When his page came up, he went to the search function the site has. he then typed in my yahoo email address, and my name, & hit search. in almost no time, MY PAGE, popped up. As shocked as I was that there was a page assigned to my email account, I was more shocked to see the picture that is on the page. It was one of the citizen soldiers I have been in charge of since January, the dumbass didn't have enough brains to use a pic of me, or a generic picture. I was stunned, and had to swallow a gallon of bile, as the rage built up in me, like a volcano. Normally I am a rational person (yeah right), but I went from zero to murder in under 2 seconds. I was about to go storming off, to stomp his ass into the ground, in front of 300 witnesses, when my buddy told me it probably wasnt as bad as all that. he told me they all appeared to be over 18, none were advertising porn sites, at least not yet, and it had been 3 months since the page was up, so nothing bad had happened yet.I guess I have 26 "special" bimbos...err friends, who want to "getto know me". I was about to get up to kill him yet again, when my friend told me that going to the brig, meant missing my flight out of here in 35 days or so. While it would have been sweet to kick his teeth down his throat, I calmed down and started thinking (yeah right). I went to the compound where we work, and went into the OIC's office. That is an officer In charge. He is a likable lieutenant, with a large head, and little brains. I explained the situation to him, and he got as angry as I did. I then explained, that I wanted revenge, and I needed him to play an integral part. We disgused it for a while, and developed a plan. The Lt. called the Master At Arms (Navy Cop) & had him summon the sailor. After the prescriber 3 round knock on the door, the sailor entered, marched to within 24 inches of the Lt.'s desk, and sounded off "Petty officer _____, reporting as ordered". He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye but, me being in the office was nothing new, so he thought nothing of it. The OIC then proceeded to tell him that he was being brought up on charges, and would stand a Captians Mast (Non judicial punishment), for impersonating a superior Petty officer, conduct unbecoming, and for causing me to be investigated back at Battalion, in Virginia. The look on his face when this happened, was priceless. An audible gulp could be heard through out the room, and he began to sweat profusely. As the OIC was laying it on him thick, he was reeling from the sudden shock, as the immense amount of sweat leaving his body. I thought he was going to faint right there.When asked for his reasoning behind his action, he very weakly croaked "it was all a joke, I didn't mean any harm by it". The OIC then went on a screaming jag about him sullying my reputation (yeah right), how he may have ruined my 23 years of service by me being investigated falsely. The sailor glanced at me with fearful eyes, and that set the OIC off yet again. "look at me when I speak to you" he shouted. "you have been found guilty of all charges" the Lt. said, and then uttered the words that I thought would kill him. "you are restricted for a period of 45 days, you also have 45 days of extra duty. You are reduced to the next inferior pay grade, and will be fined 1/2 months wages, for a period of 2 months". He then screamed for him to get out of his sight, as he sickened him. He stated that he didn't want to see him taking a break, or resting for the remainder of our time in Kuwait.The sailor was then escorted out of the OICs office by the Master-at-arms. when the door had closed, we looked at each other, and burst out laughing. I vowed then and there, to follow this man anywhere, during anything. I asked him if I should go to the barracks and tell the sailor of the joke, or if he. but he stated," let him mull it over for a night, and devise a story to tell his wife. I'm sure she will be interested to know why he will be losing a stripe, and money for 2 months".Now before you guys think I really am an asshole rat (yeah right), The OIC of a det, does not have the authority to convine a Captain's Mast, not to hand out any such punishment, but the sailor was so blindsided, he didnt have time to think about that. plus, he isnt really the sharpest crayon in the box. I can't wait to tell him tomorrow, to see the look on his face.... it will be priceless. The OIC is going to tell him, as he might not want to speak to me for a while, for his own sake. The moral of the story???Be careful who you fuck with..... they just might have a BIGGER dick. Peace from the scud alley of the world



Professor Ellis D Trails said...

I have to know what the guy's reaction was when he was told it was a joke.

Anonymous said...

"didnt want to hurt Buffy's feelings (yeah right)"!? what's up with that JJ?