Tuesday, August 29, 2006

'06 FFB Preview, part 2 - GANG OF FOUR duz dey thang

Here we come! The Four Horsesasses of the Apolcalypse. The only thing we have to fear is Four itself!! NEVER in the history of human events has there been font of fantasy football forecastation (in lieu of fornication) so full as this. When it comes to advice we have no problem declaring ourselves to be full of it. So, here – the Gang Of Four Font of FFB Fearsome Fullsomeness.

Each of us have illuminated our selections in separate ways, the better to serve your roster needs. We run the gamut from the laconic (some weakass excuse from Jimed about defending our freedoms & way of life) to the sardonic, with the ever-present portion of the moronic. I’ve broken down our work into caregories the best I could.




Jimed – Peyton, Palmer, Brady
Archer - Manning's (both), Palmer, Culpepper, Hasselbeck
Culpepper is going to thrive under Coach Saban, but the big question mark is can his O-line protect him enough to get the job done. With C-pep's rejuvenation, also expect Chambers and McMichael to have good years.
Manning, Brady, Palmer, McNabb
McNabb is back. Believe that. Palmer's looked fine health-wise thus far, and Peyton and Brady are still the best.
P-Man – With his new RBs failing to impress, i have no prob imagining him exceeding ’04 #s
C-Pep – The Miami offense was better than most with no QB whatsoever. With the Big Fella, it’s off the hook
D-Mac (MVP) – Don’t even like Stallworth, but the balance he gives the Eagles launches their pass offense from bottom 10 to top 5.


Archer– Bledsoe, Green, Bulger, Favre
Green, wearing red and white, will be black and blue and purple... almost completing the light spectrum single-handedly by mid-season. I fear the quick demise of Green's passing salad days as Roaf rides off into the sunset and Edwards takes the reins from Dr Dick, the pop psychologist. By years end we will see Hermie developing his golden boy.... and it won't be Trent.

Favre is on everyone's "caveat emptor" list, except maybe the ardent cheesehead faithful who still live in the storied mists of Lambeau Field Valhalla, wjere Vince Lombardi still echoes "...it's how you play the game" in their sacred sanctuary. Bret has played the game better than anyone in modern memory... but he doesn't have the support staff this year to make his final 16 a productive one. Maybe he can rally the troops a few times this season, but the emotional investment will be physically too demanding and it will show. It would help if Favre had someone healthy to hand the ball off to 25+ times a game.
Creek- QB- E. Manning, Leftwich, Favre, Warner
The way Eli finished last season scares me. Watching Favre is like watching Dane Cook do Lenny Bruce's material at this point. Leftwich I like, but he is streaky, and doesn't put up great numbers. Plus, Garrard is lurking. Warner's o-line can't protect him (although, it is tough when he holds the ball for 9 seconds). Leinart's will be starting around week 6-7
Eli – like him as little as his bro a lot
Bulger – How can u upgrade the Det offense for Martz & not downgrade St Loo?
Bledsoe – Cannot see TO being able to resist punching that “Who, me?” face of his at some point.


Arch – Kitna, Rivers
Kitna and Martz have stormed Motor City with Mike (Nike) Air. The heir apparent is McCown, which is also worth watching, even if as I imagine... he explodes on take off like the Hindenberg landing. Oh Jesus! The humanity!.... the humanity! Sorry... flashbacks. Kitna may fade as the season progresses in order to make way for next year's pilot. A cornucopia of WR talent that has slumbered through the many years of Rip Van Harrington await awakening. Interesting to see who hears the alarm clock first, Roy? Charles? Cory? Mike? Wake up boys, it's time to play some real ball and make some disappointed dynasty owners very happy.

Rivers in North Tijuana (the city otherwise known as San Diego) is my 3rd QB sleeper. While others get distracted by a few pass-happy outings by Volek last year (out of necessity, not out of talent or propensity)... my keen third eye will be watching Philip execute Shotty-ball.... which is geared toward strong-armed QB's with pocket poise and precision: Okay, Rivers may not be there yet this year, but if his college exploits at NC State were any indication, it's only a matter of time
Rivers, Kitna, Volek, Leinart
Rivers > Brees. Kitna could be Warner circa '99 minus 15 TD's & 1,500 yards. Volek is one of my favorites. Very talented guy. Leinart is reeeeaaady.
Penny – don’t know why...feelin
Roethlisberger – hard to call SB QB a sleeper, but he’ll outdo his ADP
Frye – he’s got the same cock-of-the-walk calm as Brady & a coach who’s witnessed that up close.

SNOOZERS (always undervalued, always perform) –

Jimed – Eli
Archer - Brooks, Brees, Brady, Delhomme
Creek - McNair, B. Johnson
McNair was an MVP just a few years ago. Ravens in the superbowl, anyone? Johnson's losing WR's, but he's still going to be solid. Nothing great, but solid
McNair – Creek said what I was gonna bout Air. No fair
Brooks – Could see more Moss than a north-facing tree.



Jimed – Big 3, who else?!
Archer – SA, LT, Tiki, Rudi, Caddy
Put Tiki Tiki Tiki on the label label label.... if you weren't a kid in the 70's or watch too much VH1 you have no idea what I just referenced. Instead of Tiki it was Libby's, a canned fruit company that promoted their brand on the label as a sign of freshness and premium quality canned fruits. Tiki is the Giants brand of freshness. As long as Tiki can get 100+ rushing and 30+ catching/game that will lead to success up top for Eli & Co. Just don't go mentioning anything about Jacobs and jinxing my vulture voodoo. The Giants look to be the team to beat in the NFC Sleazy... I mean Easy.... I mean East!!
RB- L. Johnson, Tomlinson, Alexander, Tiki
I really think L.J. will have a great year. I have a nagging feeling Tomlinson's due for an injury. No one's THAT durable. Tiki has quietly become the 2nd best RB in football
LT2 – worried about the dinged-up losses of time, but the only true force of nature in football.
Edge – see Fanball. I’ve posted on this guy more than all others combined.


Jimed – McGayheyhey
Arch – Edge, Jordan, Deuce, Droughns
Reuben is a great name for a sandwich, but not a fearless feature back in the NFL. The Browns are in a major transitional period as year #2 under Crenell starts, and my attention where vast improvements are expected IS on the defense.... NOT the offense. Edwards is healing miraculously fast from ACL surgery according to reports... but I see the passing game developing slowly regardless. This will put much more pressure on Droughns than he will be able to handle. He won't be worth the #3 round pick you burned for him.

Edge - that's right I said it! Whether it's Warner or Leinart or whoever at QB, that offensive line is still not as good as the one in Indy where Edge had a good life. As long as he gets 60+ yards an outing and a view from the other side of the stripe once every other week.... that will be a marked improvement for the Cardinals organization, who still talk fondly of Otis Anderson as if it were only yesterday. But for Edge, those numbers will be deplorable and dudley.

Is it too late to say that Priest Holmes, Curtis Martin and Steven Davis will all have terrible years? Who knew that Priest would fall from the top so fast. But his replacement LJ has moved into the rectory without much fanfare or incidence. In the absence of a decent passing game, I think Larry will give the lionshare of the workload... but he will also suffer for it. His season totals will not be anywhere near high enough to justify his #1 draft position. By playoff time you'll be flirting with the idea to start anyone else but him.

Mike Bell - Mr. Much Ado About Nothing.... and undrafted rookie beneficiary of the fantasy football forum hype machine. It doesn't take much to be a better back than Dayne, just sit off to the sidelines with a fishing pole and Hostess Twinkies as bait and toss them a few yards from Dayne... he'll be off the field in no time chasing those irresistable spongecakes. And right when he bends over to pick one up a defender will broadside him and knock him to the ground.... once they get up the defender will say "Hey! I found the creamy filling!" The only reason Mike Bell has entered the fantasy football players lexicon is because Mike Shanahan knows that in order to win football games he has to make other coaches prepare for more than what they can handle.... two Bells instead of one.... and hope that in the overload they don't prepare for that old standby
Caddy, McGahee, J. Jones, W. Parker
Caddy was overworked as a rookie, and their passing game still sucks. Teams will stop him. McGahee has no help as well. Jones isn't as good as his backup, and the Steelers running game without The Bus is NOT to be trusted
Fast Willie – cant run any way but fast. never enough
Jamal – shoulda stayed in the hoosegow
SJax – like him fine, but am on record saying he wont play more’n 3 games this yr.


Jimed – Chet, TJ
Archer – Foster, Bell, Rhodes, Gore
The next stop is the Raleigh law firm of Foster and Williams, who are busy finalizing their argument for enacting the law of MRI (Maximum Return of Investment). The only drawback here is that if you pay the retaining fee for one.... you gotta pay it later for the other. As long as Williams, Goings, Shelton or Hoover are used enough so that Foster doesn't wear down over the course of the season.... this duo is gold. Williams may even get a few kick off returns double-eagled and bagged, as he proved against Miami last week.

I know it's a young offense, but Frank Gore has feature back prominence oozing from every pore in his body... and Nolan has already sparked this teams lackluster defense.... it will be interesting to see if the trend back to respectability continues or becomes another flash in the prospectors frying pan. Smith and Bryant have to develop some chemistry to keep Gore from facing 8-in-the-box every Sunday. Gore's durability is also dependent on Maurice "Space Cowboy" Hicks taking some 3rd down or passing situation duties.
RB- DeAngelo, M. Bell, M. Turner, MB III
Williams a fine fine back, and Foster ALWAYS has been injury prone. Won't change. Mike Bell was my favorite RB of the draft, can do everything, and fits great in Den. Turner's fast as hell, and like I said, I feel that Tomlinson injury coming on. MB III SHOULD replace J. Jones early on. But with Parcells, who knows
Maroney – will have the job by himself by October. Seen him twice & he’s LJ with dreds
Morency – cuz he almost rhymes with Maroney & was the best college runner of ’04. Adjust to him a little & u wont miss DD a bit, Ku-Ku-Kubiak.
Anti-sleepers – there are a LOT of sleepers I don’t like much. DeAngelo will be a GRRRREAT KR, but he don’t have no more cuts than FWP. Frank Gore has skills (kept both Clintoris & Mcgayheyhey on the bench at the U) but hasn’t played 3 unmarred games in a row since high school; the Indy guys SUCK
Super-sleeper – Luuuuved Musa Smith at Bulldog City & he startin to show the crows summin.. Wikkid say he passes the Marine & the Con (new series on FOX) by Thanksgiving.

Arch - Dunn, TJ, Mike the Marine
Creek- RB- Droughns, Deuce, D. Davis, T. Jones
Droughns could be a top 7 pick this time next year. Very good runner. Deuce looks like the Deuce of old thus far. D. Davis has lost some hype lately, but he's still going to put up the #'s. Thomas Jones is still the best man for the job in Chi-town.
TJ – best RB in a committee this year
DeadFred – nufced
Tikitikitiki – consensus #4 aint really a snoozer – just nice to see a player who has been the very definition of Snoozer get his attention due.



Jimed – Smitty, Fitz, Holt
Archer – Holt, Harrison, Fitz, CJ, SSmith
As Qb's go, so do WR's... no surprise then that I am expecting wonderful things from Chambers, Williams and McCardell. Hell, let's go nuts.... throw in Gates, McMichael and Pollard, too. It's a Scratch, Ding and Dent sale and just like Cal Worthington.... I'm selling everything... including the kitchen sink. Detroit, San Diego and Miami will all have prolific offenses this year. Only in Detroit do I have any reservations about the running game. Other than that, there's gold in them thar hills and fire in the veins of every fantasy team manager with players on these offenses. I've even seen some speculation on Booker, Bradford and Parker. And to those people I say.... slow down Hoss, let's not get too carried away here. The Bandwagon is full, but there's only so much real estate for sale... not everybody is gonna get lakefront property. BBP are still #4 WR's, so don't expect anything more out of them. However, one of those guys is going to have a career day against a soft secondary... could be Bradford Vs Pack D or Parker vs Oak D but it will happen.
Creek - WR- S.Smith, C. Johnson, R. Moss, Fitz
T.O. WOULD be #1, but he's apparently lost his mind. The addition of Keyshawn should only help Smith. Moss will have a rebound year, full of 35+ yard receptions, and we all know where 85's at. The endzone, silly
Chris Chambers will quite simply be the best WR in FFB this year. He’s got skills, maturity & a QB – he will be UNCONSCIOUS. B4 u scoff, remember the rankings of Moose & Smitty before their FFB-leading years in 04 & 05.
Fitz has more fun playing football than anyone in the game – a joy to watch.


Jimed – Ward, AJohnson
Archer – TO, Moss, Moose, Wilford
Now that Evans is in his 3rd year and is "Da Man" in Buffalo, his hands will turn into bricks. It's a small bust, but he won't live up to expectations. TO will not live up to expectations in Dallas, either, before infecting the organization with his virus that spreads faster than a case of the clap in every isolated island seaport between here and Manilla. I'm on the fence about Moss, Randy (v1.1)... but as long as he stays healthy I think he'll be a monster freak again with Aaron Brooks at the helm. Burress and Driver are both going pretty high, and neither of them inspire great enthusiasm from me. *Insert "Bury my Driver in a..." joke here.* The other usual suspects in this category include; Coles, AJ, Lloyd and Kennison.
WR- J. Walker, A. Johnson, Burleson, L. Evans
Never liked Javon that much (remember when GBin said he was top 3-5 in the league? Sheesh). Andre Johnson is a douchebag, who is on my list. Burleson didn't prove anything, and now doesn't have to with 49mil for the next 7 years, and poor Lee Evans has Losman or Holcomb throwing to him.
SMoss – He’ll have a down year because he & his partner in destiny apparently hafta alternate & its Lavernues’s turn this yr.
Smitty – not a dud, but not a stud
Evans – two words: Loseman

Jimed – Burleson
Arch – Edwards, Mark Clayton, Mason, DJax, RWilliams
There's other WR's to keep an eye on in unsuspecting places....like Bryant in SF or Caldwell in NE. Bradley in Chicago, Mark (not to be confused with Mike) Clayton in Baltimore, Edwards in Cleveland (once he gets healthy later in the season), and now Henderson in NO with the recent trade of Stallworthless. Good move! Henderson was a good fill in a few weeks last year while Horn was out. This year should be even better since he's hit the 3rd year mark. Other trinity celebrants include DJ Hackett in Seattle (Nate who?), Keary "I was a rookie sensation then disappeared last year" Colbert (who should re-appear this year much to the displeasure of Meshawn), Wilford in Jacksonville, Samie Parker in KC ( a long shot), Jerricho Crotchety Old Man (another long shot)
A. Bryant, Jurevicius, M. Jones, T. Taylor
Bryant's looked really good in SF thus far, can he keep it up? Jurevicious is always a solid producer, and he'll get single coverage all day. Matt Jones is a freak. Who else is left in Minny? Taylor's always had talent.
Javon’t, TGlenn, ALelie – just think there’s gonna be a lot of chuckin this year. Shanny likes bombs A LOT more than folks think, Miss Terry gonna be unstoppable with the doubling elsewhere & though I HATE AshleyLaLaLaLelie, Mr Mexico buys immense chunks of time which should have this kid uncovered enough that even he might catch one or two.

Jimed – RWilliams, RBrown
Arch – Driver, RSmith, CChambers
Creek – WR- Driver, Mason, Bennett, Horn
Who else is Favre going to throw to... seriously? Mason reunited with McNair should mean another good year. Joe Horn is still money. Bennett is the white man's Randy Moss... Except, y'know, white, so not as good. HELL YEAH!
Moulds – away from the Loseman
JHorn – top 5 as 2nd option to THE WRATH OF GOD
Driver – zzzzzzzzzzzzzz....huh?


We don’t DO TEs, Ks or Team Ds (tho the TE position is getting thiiiis close to mattering enough). Contrary to public opinion, we DO have lives


Obit (IDPs will totally take over in two years)

Jimed - Big 3, Brady, Fitz
Arch – I don’t do enough trades
Creek - I've never traded up in a draft. the only reason I can see to trade up would be to grab a handcuff for LT2 or L.J., etc.
Wikkid – Guess this category sux. Just don’t be afraid to make an offer when there are dropdowns you really want.

Jimed – RBrown, Galloway, Eli
Archer -
QB - Leftwich, Brunell, Pennington
RB - KJ, DD, CBrown
WR - Coles, Lloyd, AJ
1. George Blanda
2. Elroy "Crazy Legs" Hirsch
3. Ollie Matson
4. Vince Papale
5. Korey Stringer
6. Pat Tillman
(That's right, I went there)
A Packer
A rookie WR

And, when u start talking about dead heroes & rookie WRs, you’re about done.

Daily content begins with the Professor’s Week 1 Syllabus on Thurs 9/7 and should continue uninterrupted thru the year. Hope to see you here. Play hard -

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